Death

Does death scare you? I use to be afraid but I can care less now. Its just the way of way life. Everything has its course in life. So what if you die, people die everyday, your just another person that just so happened to die that day. If I die, I hope its quick and painless. I guess it would suck for family members, but when ever I experience a...

So much pressure to do well in life. I have thousands of dollars in loans for school. I suck at math but I'll need to do a lot of math this summer. Fuck. I need to do good so they can offer me a job when I graduate

Some people just really suck. I can't stand all the fake people. I hate when people are changed by others into something they aren't. They think they are so much better, smarter, and prettier.

"New" Feeling

I am addicted to that new feeling. the new feeling when you're first dating a guy or that new feeling when you buy a pair of pants. It makes me feel special and happy. Is that a bad thing?

Me.

Well I'm trying this as I look at my right mid thigh. That probably sounded strange. But the reason for it is because of my regret I feel after slicing my thigh open and seeing the now dried blood. It is stinging and burning. My mind keeps racing thinking this May have been a dream and I didn't really give in but it's reality. I haven't in awhil...

My Demons.

Through thoughts to emotions,  My demons appeared,  A battle that was once sought worthwhile,  Now turned into nothing worthwhile,  No strength to fight,  No power to win,  No winning when my demons are out.  Feelings turned viral,  Spreading through your soul,  No escaping what you once survived,  Only drowning in the invisibility shield, My d...

Suicidal Thoughts.

WHY? I want to die. Why was I placed on this world? This planet? This fucking earth? Some one Please Fucking Kill Me.

It bothers me..

I don't know what I can trust, Who I can trust or what I can do anymore. I feel as though I have failed everyone in my life and that I am the biggest disappointment anyone could have. It bothers me because I know I don't like myself, that I hate myself. What do other people think of me, DO they hate me too? I mean it wouldn't surprise me Because...

Scared

So today I decided to log onto my patient portal where my GYN left a case summaries file in there so I can review my health. Everything I reviewed was good until I came up to the problems section. She recorded Leukorrhea as apart of her findings. This was the only problem recorded so far (because I'm still waiting for my STD results) I was scare...

*sigh*

I cant seem to delete the memories that you left me.. they haunt me... and I hate you for it yet I love u.. its hidden and I cant seem to forget...forget your smile and your smell...Can I please just have one chance to be happy?...

california 2014

never ever want to forget california! 5 days skiing was certainly not enough, never enjoyed anything more in my life! had so much fun its ridiculous, i could actually cry because I'm not still out there! ugh, hate england so much, everyones so grumpy here too.. ian our ski instructor was the nicest funniest and certainly hottest guy I've ever me...

4.17.14

Coffee

I just had a personal revelation. I am in love. I am!

Hey Guys Having A COOL Day At School, Keep on Following ME and maybe I will follow some of u?!?!

I've finally came to realization that its okay to be alone as long as your in the room with yourself. Thank you for turning out to be like everyone else. It'll show who shines brighter.

April,16,14

Today was a bad day most of everyday is bad to me because I have a dad and he is married to a women and I do not like her at all because she is very mean and she acts like she is the boss of me when she is not anything to me and she should not act like this to me and she always talks about my mother and say bad things about my mom and I do not l...

Mind Boggled

Lots of things are just running through my mind & I figured I'd write it all down. I'm kind of on a self discovery journey in order to become truly comfortable in my skin & actually enjoy this life. I wrote down reasons why I have low self-esteem and low confidence. Then I wrote down reasons I sometimes feel invincible. I tried meditation the ot...

SEX ISSUES.

my boyfriend doesn't let me post anything about you.

I worried I had not achieved enough yet this year. I think I give myself too much of a hard time , sometimes. But then it hit me, how much I have achieved. Especially mentally. I have moved house and feel 1000% happier. Sometimes it takes stepping outside of your current situation to see how things can be improved.. Yoga has helped. I feel I a...

The Future

The future is quite a scary thing to talk&think about. We never know how our cards might play out. I'm currently in a happy state but we all know that won't last... "no state, good or bad, lasts forever." I'm scared of what is yet to come. eh, whatever. I'm just enjoying "the now."

Empty beer cans, red lingerie, ash trays and my guitar litters my floor. I know there is no other girl like me for you. Who dreams, who works, who puts themselves out there, who will party until 6am with you and play with your hair until you fall asleep. I ask myself how often does this happen. Should you pass off one opportunity for another i...

Why must we put these barriers upon ourselves? If things were different, would it be different?

April 16, 2014

I just don't understand how someone can leave so quickly, so easily, as if nothing happened. As if nothing had ever mattered. Like promises were never made and walls were never broken down and secrets were never told and forever was never said. To just up and leave so readily, so willingly.

I don't know you. But you're amazing. Not amazing like me. But amazing like you.

why me?

Im so confused...hes not the guy you think he is hes different...he cares but in his own way and idk how to explain it but he does...and I wish he would drop everything and come to me...its my fault and now i have to pay the price i gave up the perfect guy and he went to a girl that doesnt even CARE about the cute things he does for her and im s...

Hurt

This is my first note in my public diary. When you first see me, I would appear to be a happy, healthy, and fun-loving girl. I am very much into beauty, and love shopping and all that @!#$. I get comments all the time that, "Oh I wish I was happy like you!" or, "Oh, but you wouldn't understand, you are so innocent." These comments would not anno...

Fuck It All

thats all i have to say. Fuck it.

New to this site.

I don't even know why I got this account. I am exploring new ways to express myself, I guess?

Everyone starts somewhere. It's where you go from there that matters.

Cut

Why do I cut? I am not an old cutter; I would not quite say I am addicted; Last time I counted I had 25... I started in Dec- beginning of Jan. Only when I'm stressed I normally cut... Or when i'm lonely...which is always... I think I hate myself.

Just push through it

Maybe I shouldn't give up. I can do this. I can live, I can be happy. I don't need to let other people influence my life. I'm going to be happy. I can do it. I just need to push threw through these next couple of months then when I see my grammy I can tell her everything that I'm feeling and hopefully she'll let me live with her.

I think i might cut again

Dear diary, since i have found out that my stepdad and my mom might date again i think i might cut again its just I cant believe she chose him over my trust!! idk if ii can ever trust her or him EVER again. i feel like since she obviously dosent care and shes the person that gave birth 2 me that maybe my life isnt worth living. At least for now ...