perfect day. wrong boy. well right boy. wrong timing.

The Start

I wanted to escape from something which I do not know yet. And I'm gonna start with SOMETHING out of Nothing.

For the Love of God

When yo see someone who appears to be in need, 10 times out of 10 most people want to help. Years ago I had a bad experience where my kindness was abused. For whatever reason, a stranger was able to hurt me and I could not understand why I was so upset. I mean, I did what Jesus would have done by giving what I had to give, right?? I guess that q...

see her come down, through the clouds

social media makes me feel so... subdued. i want to talk to someone so badly about any fucking thing, but at the same time i hold back, with fear. i try so hard at work to just keep up the act of being social and get no reciprocation. they all see right through me. i'm so fake, so ugly, so broken.

My name is...

My name is...

9/26/16

What is being poor? I find myself asking that more often these days. Is it to not have money or food or maybe something more valuable. I wanted to know. My dad drives taxi and my mom works on a subway. Is that bring poor?? I have a house and food in front of me. I am not starving What more can I ask for? I have parents that love me but why do I...

The start

I am neither a great writer nor a great person but this is her story so I want to write every day. Today finally I found something I can write on.....

don't go, tell me that the lights won't change.

i used to run at night. thinking i was faster than i was, feeling weightless and small in the big wide night world. lmao. like a little bat, consuming little moths in the desolate, sinister dark. still younger or dumber people than i tell me not to worry so much, not to be so down, and things will be just fine. but the world i know isn't like ...

a gift to the gutter, a gift to the city

this last test i got a 56/60. meh… i worked the weekend. so i’m not feeling so great about things. i’m just tired. saturday i was in the CO and in a terrible, terrible mood. don’t really know why. friday was my blood draw at the doctor’s. don’t have the results back yet. i think everything’s just kind of blowing up in my mind. we might mo...

65 dias.// 26.9.16

I’m still writing about you and you haven’t read a word.

26.9.16

Estive conversando com uns amigos e os perguntei o que sentiam quando terminavam de ler um livro ou assistir a um filme bem abrangente. Disseram-me que o sentimento era de tristeza, se sentiam estranhos... e vazios. Isso que estou sentindo. E faz tempo. Eu vejo que estou me sentindo assim: vazia. E eu não sei se é só um vazio ou uma inquietação...

65 dias.// 26.9.16

Você está tão acostumado a ir embora que aprenderei a cultivar meus demônios interiores.

I miss her

I miss my best friend.. We're not hanging out with each other anymore.. Since she started to befriend with another girl, she left me.. Well, she left her own best friend.. I'm so depressed.. Ottokhae, what should I do :( :( :(

Self Confidence

when you're think you ugly because nobody tells you you're beautiful. I always worry about my clothes,face,body and everything. I always feel insecure. I'm fat,ugly and probably I am a potato. A boy once called me a bulldog and since then, I realized that I am so freaking ugly that disgusts everyone :(

Best Friend

I admit, my life is quite hard. I study at an all-girls school and my school life is quite tough to be honest. I need some friends or should I say my bestfriends to comfort me. Well, I had some cuts on my left wrist. I'm depressed, you know?

Where Shall I Begin

I believe everything happens for a reason, hence why I am here. I used to write, a lot. Over time my priorities changed and writing fell to the bottom of the list. Now realizing that writing has and will always be one of the most positive force in my life. I want to apologize to myself and know that , I'm here.

Paranoia is how I would describe it. It's dark and scary and consuming and extinguishes love and hope. It turns you against yourself. I was bad. I was vulnerable. I deserve to be in the pain that I'm in.

I've been doing some hardcore research in order to figure out when this all started. I thought it started on August 11th at a friends birthday party but as i look through this blog i am realizing that I've been feeling this way for a while. The only difference is that it wasn't everyday. It started sometime in may or June but it happened rarely....

I don't want to be a green eyed bitch anymore... but i am !

Honestly i shouldn't like you. There's no reason to. I've known you for so long and never before thought of you this way. Because there is nothing to see. You're younger and mean and barely taller than me and you're my brothers friend, and don't pay attention in school, and YOU'RE FUCKING MEAN TO ME. IM not going to lie. It hurts to know that yo...

dreams change

my dreams had changed. I wanted to be the mom with the minivan, 3 kids (or more)all around the same age, work while the kids are in school, pick them up from school, do pta, shuffling kids back and forth to games and classes. Hanging out with my kids friends mom. Having a mom social life. and living comfortably. I have 1 daughter (5 miscarriages...

A Husband Like my Father

My father. He is strong, a very hard worker, family man, extremely responsible, and someone to look up to. My husband is nothing like my father. What happened to the generations? They are lazy, unmotivated, have no real goals, care too much about themselves, they only want to do stuff when it is something they want (including when it comes to ki...

Childhood dreams

As a child you dream of meeting a wonderful guy who changes your whole world. Fall head over heels, get married, buy a house, have kids, etc.... you know the rest. It started like that. Met a wonderful guy. Feel head over heels for him. He lived in with his mom, but I moved in. everything was fine. Then my dreams as a child feel through startin...

The Begining

Ever since I was little things have never worked out for me. Growing up everyone always said sooner or later things will get better. I'm going to be thirty soon and I am still waiting. Things always seem to take a wrong turn. When things go up once they go down twice as hard.

loser

This history is about a happy girl , always happy , giving advice to other people , A's student and always make happy to others.. she was happy with that ...she know a stupid boy break her hearth in 7 grade ... She cry a lot for that stupid boy ...each time she cry ..she began to hurt herself ..each time..one year past and the happy girl be...

i wonder if i can handle being with someone as perfect as mike.

Nov.4

Nov. 04/12/2013 last month of this year. Isn't it a miracle that Beijing is still above 0 degree centigrade ? I can hardly expelicitly express how I feel about J still. Sometimes i think I'm really into him while some other time I find that I just pretty enjoy the whole process of game-playing. I don't know, and I might never need to know....