Focus on the Future

They had a fight. That means I get radio silence. Go figure. Her mails are my only joy at the moment, so knowing I won't hear from her makes me feel lonely and frustrated. I can't be angry though as I know we are both having a rough ride at home. I have to keep focussing on the future. The vision we have created. We will get there.

Hoping

I hope I can make new friends.

Today I wanted to just be numb... anything to not feel this pain of heartbreak. To just be numb. There are days where I feel like i'm "okay" that maybe, just maybe i'm over it. Then, there are days like today where I just want to hear his voice, his laugh, his anything.. realizing that i cant, i just want to be numb.

Holding Onto Nothing.

Sometimes we hold onto was was because it was something beautiful. We're so afraid to see them with someone else, can't bare the thought of them touching another person the way that they touch you, but when the tides are low and all the infidelity starts to show, it'll never be the same. Even in trying so hard to amend whats been done, things ar...

How It Was Suppose To Be.

It wasn't meant to be easy. It wasn't meant to be convenient. It was meant to teach and for us to learn from. I learned to make you my priority while you chose to make me an option. I blame myself to letting it get this far and for letting it continue. I can only show you something special, but I learned the hard way that I can't make you apprec...

I love you; I love you, and all of your pieces.

Frustrated/annoyed/clingy

I hate these feelings. Can you blame me? The guy I like hasn't been putting in any effort let alone tell me he was going to have other girls sleep over. I love you. I'm sorry. Waiting 2 years for you seems impossible, I feel like breaking down and crying.

I hate Lydia.O and Makayla and marriane and Gracie and Ty is a jerk and Aprils mum is a fucking bitch coz she isn't letting me and April hang out and April should stop staring at me in class Cuz its creeping me out by the way still her mum is a bitch. :-( !!? 100% bitchy isn't she. 123&:-(+?!!= http://my life.com wiki

Today

It was much better than yesterday. The depression seemed to wander away for awhile, I don't feel so hopeless. I didn't think of ways to get rid of myself. I'm learning how to allow feelings in without letting them control me. Sometimes not being emotionless can feel good.

Update's & Crap

Health - Period came on Feb 24th to March 3rd. Irregular period acting very regular soooo that's fine. I noticed a major break out on my face when my period came so I now use Advantage Clean&Clear grape fruit face wash and my regular cheap bar of soap. It has cleared up my face tremendously. I'm drinking more water too. Right now..I have a light...

The Blame Game

My mom specializes in that. Blaming us for this and that. I can't wait to be successful, so I can stop playing games period. I'll be about my business. Just got to keep my head up and keep pushing. Through God, I'll become great. Not perfect, but great. I'm not afraid of tomorrow. I'll embrace, I don't need any living human on this earth. I need...

March 7

Today was my school's talent show. I'm on student council and was in charge of decorations so I had to stay after school and help with that, and then I had to practice with my pianist for solo and ensemble (I unfortunately play the trumpet). Me, my friends Allie and Mikayla and Carter are all in a "band" together called the Acathroats and we h...

I don't know you. But you're amazing. Not amazing like me. But amazing like you.

why me?

Im so confused...hes not the guy you think he is hes different...he cares but in his own way and idk how to explain it but he does...and I wish he would drop everything and come to me...its my fault and now i have to pay the price i gave up the perfect guy and he went to a girl that doesnt even CARE about the cute things he does for her and im s...

Hurt

This is my first note in my public diary. When you first see me, I would appear to be a happy, healthy, and fun-loving girl. I am very much into beauty, and love shopping and all that @!#$. I get comments all the time that, "Oh I wish I was happy like you!" or, "Oh, but you wouldn't understand, you are so innocent." These comments would not anno...

Fuck It All

thats all i have to say. Fuck it.

New to this site.

I don't even know why I got this account. I am exploring new ways to express myself, I guess?

Everyone starts somewhere. It's where you go from there that matters.

Just push through it

Maybe I shouldn't give up. I can do this. I can live, I can be happy. I don't need to let other people influence my life. I'm going to be happy. I can do it. I just need to push threw through these next couple of months then when I see my grammy I can tell her everything that I'm feeling and hopefully she'll let me live with her.

I think i might cut again

Dear diary, since i have found out that my stepdad and my mom might date again i think i might cut again its just I cant believe she chose him over my trust!! idk if ii can ever trust her or him EVER again. i feel like since she obviously dosent care and shes the person that gave birth 2 me that maybe my life isnt worth living. At least for now ...

January 3

Just the beginning of becoming the best ME !!! Breakfast: egg white omelet, 2 toast, coffee