People are so Cruel nowadays. I don't get it, it's like they don't have hearts anymore. Society is changing in so many ways, its horrible. We as a society are turning into monsters. We say we're afraid of other things when really we should be afraid of our self and our capabilities.
It's good being strong, but it sucks too when people know that you are strong and they think that it is okay to hurt you.
I am a Dreamer. (cont.2)
wanted more. You always hope for some money to go out or that car on your birthday. There was always something. I then realized that dreams are hope. You have dreams you are hopeful. If you take that thought and want and take it just one step further, it is one step closer to being true. So not a night goes by where I don't dream. Not a night goes by where I am not hopeful. I will always be a dreamer.
I am a Dreamer. (cont.)
Then I quit all together. I hid my notebooks so I could never find them again and neither could my friends. I believed then that dreams would never come true. That's why you are sleeping isn't it? Its just a state of mind nothing else. So what was there to look forward to anymore? I started having nightmares. I would wake up screaming and I would cry to fall asleep again. I didn't want to think of getting to sleep, I wanted something to ease it. As I got older, I expected more and of course w...
I am a Dreamer.
I used to be that kid. That kid who would always jump up in the morning because they had to write down their dreams. I didn't want to forget them. You know, I would write them down thinking that one day itll all happen and I can say this is just like a dream. I filled up so many notebooks and I started to draw the stories out using multiple notebooks at a time. then I started waking up less and less because my dreams weren't as exciting. Nothing was new, it was the same old same old.
In moments like that, I completely hate you. I hate that I met you, I hate that I let you become such a huge part of my life. I hate that you make me second guess myself when I want to love someone that isn't you. I realized though, that I can't hate you. I cant hate you for being my support, for always being there for me. I cant hate you for being my secret keeper and advice giver. I cant hate you for everything you have done for me. I cant hate you...
I didn't know you and ive never talked to you, but Talia you have made a huge impact on my life. You gave me some hope and helped me be optimistic about anything. Just keep swimming right? I looked up to you because you were strong, courageous, optimistic, and hopeful, and that you reminded me that in spite of anything, everything is beautiful. I still look up to you as I always have done before but this time looking up at the brightest star in the sky. You will be well missed Talia.
It's weird. I find things so different then you do. I don't find it typical for you to enjoy a night out with my family. I don't find it typical for you to kiss me infrount of your friends. I don't find it typical for you to be by my side constantly when we are together. Don't get me wrong its what I want, but its weird I find it all so odd. Shows how great ex's are.
I wouldnt have if I didnt have.
I would'nt have had that awkward conversation with you to not look like a clutz. I wouldn't have walked with you realizing that you were in the same small group. I wouldn't have rode next to you on the ride home or gave you my number. I wouldn't have you to text everyday. I wouldn't have those fantastic days I have spent with you. I wouldn't have had you become such a huge part of my life. I am so glad I dropped that cupcake.
The Music List. (Always Adding)
A day w/o your love - Jake Miller
Someone like you isnt worth my time. (cont.)
When I came home my mom didn't even see cause I covered the pain and carried on. I was emotionally and physically done. Done with life and done with you. I walked. I walked away. The night you said you loved me. That was it. That was the goodbye. Now look at me. I am happy and I have moved on. I don't have any more bruises and I am not taken advantage of. Youre still rotting my head but ill forget about you soon.
Someone like you isnt worth my time.
I told you to stop, but you never let go. You thought you could have everything as your own, but you see life isn't like that. Its not about the games and lies and being the center of attention. Life is uniqueness. Its about finding who you are and finding that one person who loves who you are. You, you were a jerk. You thought life revolved around you. I had enough of your selfishness so I turned to run but you left a bruise around my wrist from pulling me to stay.
I was invincible.
Sometimes I hate telling people things. Especially the people that I always share things with. I feel like I always have something going on. Some drama or darkness. There always seems to be something. It is so aggravating that, that's all our conversations turn into now. I just want to be that old happy girl that I used to be.
A reason to hate the world.
I want to just shut out the world. It is so selfish and always has something to say. I just don't get why some things matter. Why does it matter if I date someone who is younger than me? Are you not at all concerned that I am happy? All you care about is the public image. What people will think about me or you because you "let" me do this. Why does everyone always have something to say? Just shut up and care about you and only you. No one else. And they wonder why I stay in my room all day.
Like a speck to a rock.
I hate when every aspect of a day gets in my way. I want to be me and live life and not have anything block me. It seems like nowadays its too needy of a desire or request. There is always something that is going to go wrong. I know that now. I guess a tough life is a happy one because I can end the day saying there is always a tomorrow.
Standing by myself against the world.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have no one. No matter how many people surround me. No matter how many people talk to me. I just feel alone.
But I told someone to promise me. I told them to promise me to never marry anyone else. Silly and selfish in your eyes but in the circumstances it was perfect. He told me he promises no matter what happens. He also told me that he's not sure if I will keep my end of the deal. Supposedly I am everything a guy would hope for. Now that is silly to me, but I guess I find it that way because no one knows me like you do. That's why you are marrying me.
I always wonder what my future will be like. Will I move for college? Where will I start my life? Who will my friends be? But I mostly wonder; Who will I spend the rest of my life with? Am I talking to them right now or are they compete strangers I don't know yet?
The dark of night.
I hate the nights that the darkness starts to seep in. It just consumes you and you don't know what to do. You seem to believe that your life is pure hell and every aspect of it. You just get stuck in such a position you only can think of one way out. Why is there even such a darkness?
Writing my perscription.
Writing has become some ill form of a drug for me. Naturally looking for a pen and finding my notebook. I just write. Whatever I think about or whatever just comes to mind while the ink goes on the paper. I write it all down. No sleep, No eat. Just pen and paper.