Feburary 8th 2014

I haven't been writing in my journal for a while because of school. I was trying to be the 'different' person I promised myself I'd be. But something stopped me, like always. So, I have this friend. Funny right? But I guess she's kind of different in some sense. She was at my house a while ago, we were talking about things. And the topic of my 'social group' came up. She made me realize that my friends are the reasons I have no confidence. And she's right. They are always making me think low...

08 February 2014, 05:49 AM
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3 loves: standforsomething,keeraa789,slim_twofingers
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January 30th 2014

I've been gone for a while, thinking. Yes, I'm always thinking, but this is different. I don't know how to express myself, and I can't really say what's in my head, it'd seem like I'm rambling on about nothing, then I end up getting frustrated and I'm not able to finish what I've started, then I feel like nothing goes my way and I'm talentless, I express myself very wrongly, but I can't help it. I don't know what to say, all I can talk about is my imperfections. I never talk about what makes...

30 January 2014, 08:57 AM
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1 love: abdallah.elfarissi
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January 26th 2014

I know it's actually the 27th of Jan, but I can't write it is. Because I have to sleep and wake up, than I'll accept the fact that it's the 27th. So I'll be writing this diary entry as the 26th. Anyways, I've just finished watching Romeo and Juliet. I've always hear about it, but never seen it. And I did. I guess it's cute how they instantly knew they were the one for eachother. Yet a little over dramatic, don't get me wrong, it's a classic, but unrealistic. Who falls in love in one night? N...

26 January 2014, 01:22 PM
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January 25th 2014

Ha. I'm always told I've got a shit personality and I can't stop from being hated. That's actually funny, because I've come down to the fact that, I'm not even bothered enough to care. If I'm such a hateful person, I'm sorry, but I don't care. I'm not going to change because of a couple of people who aren't happy with me. I don't care if you aren't happy with me, I'm never happy with myself yet I still manage to pretend I am. If I have such a bad personality, don't socialize with me. If I'm ...

25 January 2014, 10:19 AM
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2 loves: Seriously,Seriously
1 comment: Seriously

January 24th 2014

It's weird how being different somehow makes you the same as somebody else. But not everybody goes through the same thing, the same problems. They just end up in the same situation in the end. I'm that girl. That girl that takes everybody's cusses and does nothing about it. I'll always be that girl. It's weird how I don't like saying things to people, or say what I'm feeling because I'm afraid I might hurt them. But nobody ever thinks twice about what they've got to say about me, they just sa...

24 January 2014, 10:29 AM
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January 23rd 2014

I'm unwanted, but I'm always there. I don't even think I'm unwanted, I think I'm the one that doesn't want to be a person where everyone can say and do anything to. Like they expect me not to feel or care. I do and I don't. It depends who says it. It depends if I'm in the mood, or it naturally depends if that person even means anything to me. Nobody does. That's why I seem to never feel anything. But I do feel, I do if I care about the person. So I was wrong before when I said I don't feel. ...

23 January 2014, 05:04 AM
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2 loves: blaqkn8,standforsomething
3 comments: blaqkn8,IamComplicated

January 22nd 2014

I couldn't really sleep last night. I just kept thinking about how stupid I was before I thought about things reasonably, like before I made this journal, I actually let threats like 'You Bitch.' Get to me. Yet, the person whom said that is actually stupid. How can I be a bitch? Sure, I'm female. But no, I'm not a dog. That's reasonable. When I think properly, when I know what I'm actually saying. What I really don't understand is why people still want to hang out with me, I'm no fun. I'm re...

22 January 2014, 01:32 AM
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1 love: naminelockhart
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- Opinionated

That's actually what I'm not, sure I say what I think and believe. To myself more than to anybody. Ever. I spoke about this previously, so I won't waste anybody's time about it now. What I really wanted to type about was, I like writing books. Weird? Nope, not really. But I like making the protagonist of the story someone that isn't like me. Someone that I'd actually like to become. However, it actually annoys me that I can't be what I type. Currently, the book I'm writing is about a girl wh...

21 January 2014, 12:59 PM
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January 21st 2014

I've just recently deleted my instagram. Why did I delete it? Because what's the point in posting photos of myself? I know how I look, people that are seeing it already know how I look. I'm already seen publicly, the whole point of instagram is to post pictures so people can like and comment. But I don't need people to reassure me how pretty or beautiful I look, I don't need that. I've just realized how stupid I was before to get affected if people didn't like the photo, sure around 50 or so...

21 January 2014, 01:40 AM
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2 loves: standforsomething,naminelockhart
2 comments: naminelockhart,IamComplicated

January 20th 2014

I'm more confused than I am certain. I don't always know how to handle a situation. Things always get out of hand. I was usually in most of the drama last year. Always. Trust me, drama found me, I didn't go looking for it. This year though? I want to be different. I don't want anybody to acknowledge my presence. I'm in the near future of school starting. I can't lie, I do want it to start. I do want to get back to making my mind occupied rather than sitting alone doing nothing but thinking. I...

20 January 2014, 01:42 AM
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1 love: standforsomething
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January 19th 2014

Last night I decided I'd speak to my elder sister, she came back recently after being away for a couple of months. I'd just like to point out, she's the complete opposite of me. She is exactly what I'm not. She's the perfect daughter, she's the perfect friend. She has a kind soul. And, I'm always being compared to her, at home, at school. Everywhere. She was telling me how she has a friendship with everyone. And with no absolute lie, that made me feel way more alone. A whole lot more anti-soc...

19 January 2014, 02:43 AM
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- Trying... What's that?

Ever had those embarrassing moments where you wish the ground beneath you just swallowed you whole? I know I have. It's always constantly happening to me. I always make a fool out of myself. I make myself look so stupid. Yet, I don't mean it. Like when I try to prove a point, I mess up. People laugh, I get embarrassed. Then, I give up. That's why I give up. That's why trying isn't an option for me. Even if I try I fail. So tell me, what's the point? I'm always told never to give up. Giving up...

18 January 2014, 11:53 AM
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1 love: maryjennings98
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- A Mistake

"What's your mistake?" I have a lot of mistakes, some that I wish wouldn't have happened. Some mistakes that destroyed my life. Like letting people in, that was my first mistake. My second? Dating him. If only I didn't, If only.. He was so bad for me, he destroyed me. If only I didn't let him in. Hmm. But I did. I failed to understand he was just like every other guy. If only I saw it coming. But I didn't. You see, that's why I hate people. That's why I can't stand people caring for me, peop...

18 January 2014, 04:44 AM
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1 love: naminelockhart
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January 18th 2014

Today I was told I'd never find love. I was told nobody would want me because I'm too much of a problem, I'm far from perfect, I'm too much of a closed soul. I'm a challenge, nobody likes a challenge. Yet, surprisingly, I don't care. I don't care if I don't find love. I don't care if I'm a problem, I don't care if I'm far from perfect. That's what I'll always be. If nobody likes a challenge, why do people play games? Why do people have fights? Why do people like to prove they are good at some...

18 January 2014, 04:34 AM
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2 loves: naminelockhart,alloftheabove
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- Tired.

Today, I realized something. My mother said I was 'sour' no, don't think as in the sour or sweet way. But the good or bad, nice or mean, happy or sad. She said I'm sour. You can't have too much sour, it'll hurt you, harm you, and you'll end up hating it. So that makes me think, am I really sour? Will too much of me make people want to stop. Stop it all. The needing to be my friend. The wanting to make me happy. Will it all just go away? I never looked at things this way, I mean, I always knew...

17 January 2014, 06:35 AM
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2 loves: maryjennings98,naminelockhart
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- Fail to Comprehend

I'm always told crazy people type about themselves, the unstable ones talk to themselves. The dumb people try to make themselves feel better by typing or keeping a journal. Is that really the case? I mean, half the people that keep journals are the misunderstood. Even though I don't talk to myself, I don't think people are crazy if they do. Maybe they are lonely, maybe they feel like people won't get them. I don't blame them. I don't blame anybody for being who they are. And I strongly disag...

17 January 2014, 05:51 AM
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2 loves: naminelockhart,standforsomething
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January 17th 2014

"Why don't you have a dirty mind?" So, why don't I have a dirty mind? I don't think anybody has a dirty mind, they just lack taking words as they are and change it into a whole new thing. Give it a completely new meaning. What is the point of that? A dirty mind. When somebody says that to me, I think, how can a mind be dirty? I'm sure it wasn't shoved in dirt or anything. But to them, it means: 'Somebody who takes things the wrong way.' Like, "Hey, pass me the long tube." If I pass the damn ...

17 January 2014, 01:52 AM
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2 loves: pintokareena92,naminelockhart
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- Bad or Good?

Am I bad or good? Am I rude or nice? Am I boring or interesting? Am I ugly or pretty? Am I sad or happy? Am I demanding or understanding? Am I a liar or a truth teller? What am I? I don't think I'm any of that, I don't think I'm bad yet I don't think I'm good. I don't think I'm nice yet I don't think I'm rude. I don't think I'm pretty nor do I think I'm ugly. I don't think I'm boring neither do I think I'm interesting. I don't think I'm happy nor do I think I'm sad. I don't think I'm demandin...

16 January 2014, 11:38 AM
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1 love: naminelockhart
4 comments: naminelockhart,IamComplicated , ...

- Please Them

I'm sick and tired of doing specific things for specific people. Like if I'm with a certain person I have to act a certain way, or if this persons depressed, I have to sit down and comfort them. What they don't get is, I don't care if they consider me a friend. It doesn't mean I have to hate the person they hate, I have to love the person they love, I have to do the things they do. But than again if I don't, they think I'm simply not good enough. I'm never good enough. I'm just that person. ...

16 January 2014, 05:35 AM
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2 comments: IamComplicated

January 16th 2014

Why don't I have a best friend? Well I don't know, maybe because people don't get me, or they don't even try. Or maybe it's because I'm scared of being the second option. Been there done that. Why don't I open up to people? Darling maybe it's because I'm sick and tired of being that person people want to know everything about, and just leave when they get bored. Maybe because I've been hurt to the extent where I don't feel anymore. Or maybe, I'm just not good enough. I'm too closed, I'm diff...

16 January 2014, 04:38 AM
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2 loves: brokensoul,maryjennings98
2 comments: maryjennings98,IamComplicated