Journal_pane_8872901407678306

Lost my chance.

I just realized I lost my chance to kill myself. I was home alone today. It was perfect. I could of done it then. Why didn't i? All i needed was to find a rope. We have to have one somewhere, right? Ah. This is very depressing I know. But it's just how i feel right now.

10 August 2014, 02:45 PM
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3 comments: avg279,zombieface,lilpammie
Journal_pane_8872901407326224

Painful.

Everything is now so painful. I don't want to sound emo or anything but everything i do is so emotionally painful. It hurts when i breath. It hurts to even move. It hurts to force a smile and walk into school. I don't know what to do. They won't let me be home schooled. Distance education, please. I can't handle school. Everything is so stressful. This is why i want to die. Everything sucks..

06 August 2014, 12:57 PM
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Journal_pane_8872901407326052

How are you?

I don't know if i can take the pressure of school anymore. I don't want to live.. I've gotten to the point where i hardly eat and sleep.

06 August 2014, 12:54 PM
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1 comment: CRAZY_BAT
Journal_pane_8872901407325772

Hello.

Hello guys. It's been awhile. A lot has happened. I've been too lazy to come on here to be honest. But here i am. Anyway, For awhile i stopped cutting. I think it lasted for two weeks.. I also picked my electives for year 9. In order: Animal studies, Photographic and technology, Drama, Art then Food Tect. I hope i won't be alone but then again, I don't know if i'll be at the same school next year. It's up to me. Stay here or go with my dad. I'm so conflicted. Anyway, Just yesterday i star...

06 August 2014, 12:49 PM
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Journal_pane_8872901404125210

Cut cut. :)

I still can't stop cutting. It doesn't hurt anymore. Like, doesn't sting anymore which sucks I do it a lot on my wrist now. A lot. I have so many cuts there.. God.. Why.. ;-;..

30 June 2014, 11:46 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901403934673

..

Nan keeps on bothering me. She even has my brother watching me all the time because she told him i was cutting too. I just can't stop. I need to cut. It helps me.

28 June 2014, 06:51 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901403606010

I told her.

I just told my Nan i was cutting. Surprisingly, She didn't get angry or anything. She was a bit upset but mostly accepting. I showed her all my cuts. Today i made a new one..for the first time.. it was on my wrist. I guess i'll be wearing long sleved things for a long time now. Shit.

24 June 2014, 11:33 AM
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1 love: monstergurl
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Journal_pane_8872901403602393

Why?

Why must i care so much? I care a lot. I'll do anything to make others happy. I'll even hurt myself for them. I'll even be sad, if it makes them happy. I'll endure stuff. They're so important to me. I'm afraid they'll leave. I don't want them to leave. I love them too much.. I'm so lonely.

24 June 2014, 10:33 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901403518693

Can't stop.

I keep cutting. I can't stop. It's too addictive. Enjoy this cute picture..Trying to brighten up my mood..

23 June 2014, 11:18 AM
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2 loves: confessionsjust4cyberspace,monstergurl
3 comments: confessionsjust4cyberspace,monstergurl,LostAndUnwanted
Journal_pane_8872901403251798

School.

I'm on full attendance now. Fuck. I hate going to fucking school. I FUCKING HATE IT. I HATE IT. I STARTED CUTTING AGAIN BECAUSE OF IT. My so called friend 'Ashlee' is a fucking bitch too. She said i was as dumb as i looked then asked people if i was as dumb as i looked. WHAT A FUCKING BITCH. I want to fucking kill her. I wish the worst for her. She should fucking die. I want her to die or move away. THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. I HATE HER GUTS.

20 June 2014, 09:10 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901403250318

Cutting.

I started to cut again. I cut this time above my hip. I did it pretty badly. It was bleeding a lot. I told my nan i was playing around with my friends at school and i fell over, scratching myself there. I am now covering it with a bandage. We all know what happened. She can't know though. She can't ever know. I used a shaving razor to do it. It's easier. Cutting hurts. It hurts so much But i can't stop.

20 June 2014, 08:45 AM
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1 love: monstergurl
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Journal_pane_8872901402040272

Why?

Recently i sprained my wrist. Well, I don't know if it was sprained. It just hurt for a moment and stopped. For the next few days, i had a bandage on my wrist. My wrist isn't sprained. It's not hurt. I don't know why but today i started hitting my wrist as hard as i could with my fist. It's like i want it to be hurt. I don't know what's wrong with me? Am i going crazy?

06 June 2014, 08:38 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901401255352

Happy.

Today i actually had a good day. My class is the Gifted and Talented class, it's full of people i get along with and people that like me. Me and my friend Bree had a lot of fun today. We laughed non-stop. I got closer with some other people.. I'm so happy!!!! :)!

28 May 2014, 06:36 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901400840341

Writing away.

Another day went by, she felt the same. A small girl with the world to blame. Before school she took a knife, dragging it along her arm,hoping a huge cut is what would come. Afraid of pain, she couldn't break the skin. It's not the first time that it's been that way, not since then. She felt like a failure for not being able to do so. There was only one thing she didn't know. That thing was, that one day, you'd be able to succeed. Well, That's what they say. Tears formed in the corner of...

23 May 2014, 11:19 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901400839226

It's too much.

I seriously want to die. Tomorrow i'm getting forced to go to a birthday party. My cousin Jack's birthday party. To be honest i don't remember his age so i don't know how old he's turning. I really don't want to go. Going to their family makes my anxiety worse. Especially because Uncle Davin is there. I don't like him. Going there makes my anxiety worse but she seems not to give a fuck. I love my Nan. She's loving and gives us everything but sometimes she can just be such a fucking bitch. ...

23 May 2014, 11:00 AM
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1 love: avg279
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Journal_pane_8872901400577174

Antidepressants.

Today when i had a meeting with just me and my counselor, she said i should get some antidepressants. I really want them. If they'll help me in any way..I want them.

20 May 2014, 10:13 AM
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1 love: avg279
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Journal_pane_8872901400575711

Panic.

I had a panic attack at school today and the night before. Today i had it because my class was performing. I wasn't in the class performance but i was forced to be in a group performance. Btw, My music teacher knows i have social anxiety. Just adding that in there. Anyway, Today i went up to her and said, "Miss. I think i'm having a panic attack." and what she said in return was," Well, What am i supposed to do about it?" WHAT A FUCKING BITCH. I said, "Miss- I normally get sent to the office...

20 May 2014, 09:48 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901400232147

Happiness.

It's something i crave for. I can't even pretend to be happy because it hurts to do so. Weird, Right? I'm depressed. I pretend to be happy most of the time and it just kills me inside.. I can't pretend to be happy when i'm in pain like this. How do people do it so easily? It hurts to even pretend to be happy over the internet.

16 May 2014, 10:22 AM
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Journal_pane_8872901400231771

Mother.

I had my first mothers day without my mother too. It sucked. Everyone was so happy. They were giving gifts to their mother and hugging their mother. All over facebook was posts about everyone's mums. The whole day i was soaked in depression. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I spent my day in my room, just waiting till the time to die comes. I gave a present to my Nan. Saying it was 'Nans day' instead of mothers day. I guess i just really missed the feeling of happiness you get when ...

16 May 2014, 10:16 AM
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1 love: Bbymoneychaser
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Journal_pane_8872901400231510

Lonely.

I feel so lonely. It's true what others with depression say, "Nobody understands." That's so true now. I used to feel like they just said that for attention. But it's so true. Nobody could possibly understand how you're feeling. It's so frustrating because they can't feel your feelings too. They can't understand at all. In the end, You're just lonely. No one understands your pain and no one ever will.

16 May 2014, 10:12 AM
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1 love: duhafatayerdf
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