Journal_pane_9963701474925936

Weird Mood

Today's been a weird kind of day, I've just been in a really weird mood for the past couple of days and feel really numb about everything. I've taken my medication regularly, cleared my bedroom out, watched one of my favourite movies, yet nothing has helped. I'm just not sure what's causing it... Hopefully sleep will help get rid of it, although judging from the fact it didn't help last night I highly doubt it will tonight... I just feel so bored with everything, like I'm waiting for a change...

26 September 2016, 10:39 PM
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Journal_pane_9963701474923678

I Live In A Mad House

Living in a house where my mum has Bipolar, my dad has Aspergers and I have Borderline Personality Disorder as well as Schizo-Effective Disorder is probably the hardest thing in the world. It's like whenever one of us are having a good day, there's always another person struggling, It's quite literally a living hell and I'm not sure how much longer I can handle it for. My mum's always glued to social media to not feel alone, my dad has to constantly have everything on his terms and I'm left t...

26 September 2016, 10:01 PM
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1 comment: max_011_1
Journal_pane_9963701474778536

My Online Fresh Start...

Okay so I haven't used this account in just over a year now and seeing as it helped me last time to get everything out anonymously, i thought i might as well try it again. The only irritating thing was coming back to all the old drama that was written on here... It took me waay longer than it should've to delete all of the old posts (excluding my creative poetry/writing) and after skimming over some of the old entries I now feel worse than ever -.- Ah well, at least I have somewhere to rant a...

25 September 2016, 05:42 AM
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1 love: addie
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Journal_pane_9963701407800035

Creative Poetry - Trapped

I feel like im trapped in a person I don't know, Outside I always look happy when I'm feeling so low. All the anger I've hidden has finally got out, All the happiness I learnt is now filled with self doubt. Of how I really feel, think and who I really am, I'm breaking inside when I say I don't give a damn. Everyone can see how I've changed but it's hard, To go back to the old me and to let down my guard. I don't want to be feared by the people I know, But the new me has left cuts that are too...

12 August 2014, 12:34 AM
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2 loves: orionandrews1234,esmailzadeh
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Journal_pane_9963701406416270

Creative Poetry - My Life

I wake up saddened feeling like I always do, I take the little pill and hope the happiness will soon be true, I know it will get better if I stick to it and can pull through. As I look in the mirror and frown at these self inflicted scars, I have created on myself daily as I sit behind the bars. The bars of this prison cell I have built in my mind, The bars I find regrettably easy to hide behind. I smile at my parents and say the pills work, They nod blissfully unaware of the urges that lurk....

27 July 2014, 12:11 AM
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4 loves: maddieonthings,9Whats-Life9,zineb-taw , ...
1 comment: nathalievictoriazacarisaa3301
Journal_pane_9963701404768294

Creative Writing #7

There was once light in my life, a single solitary spark is now all that remains. As I lay in the obscurity I have created I let out a single sigh and close my eyes. The darkness of my closed eyes matches my surroundings. It's quiet, the only sound to be heard is the beating of my fractured heart that's been broken too many times to heal itself again. The sound of laughter slowly approaches, I open my eyes to see all of my reminiscences being played in front of me like a hazy flickering theat...

07 July 2014, 10:25 PM
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3 loves: blaqkn8,monty.2002,xkullleidi
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Journal_pane_9963701404523475

Poetry Slam - Society

Ever since I was a little girl I was slyly taught by everyone how I should be, what I should wear and who I should like. If you ever dared to be different you'd be labelled by everyone as anything they wanted like "weird" "emo" and "dyke." Yet we won't label ourselves as anything unless we're hiding behind a mask of what we want people to think we are. We swear to be unique yet we're someone completely different when everyone else is afar. We blame everyone around us for our unhappiness wit...

05 July 2014, 02:24 AM
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1 love: zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701404511135

Creative Poetry #3

It was all okay and mostly even great, When we confronted the past and agreed to re-date. We were happy and loving and always around, Now anger and confusion is the only common sound. Distance would be a problem and this we both knew, But it seemed like the further away the more our love grew. But now I'm confused like I don't understand, Why as we walk down the road you don't hold my hand. We shout and we cry then we kiss and make up, Knowing if we carried on we would only break up. I love ...

04 July 2014, 10:59 PM
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1 love: zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701404003282

Creative Writing #6

I'm trapped. All that surrounds me is nothingness and I grow urgent searching for the person I used to know. The person I used to be. I carry on searching as if I'd die without trying. I see someone vaguely familiar. They have the same hair, same clothes, same voice, same face. But one thing is missing, The life. The life that was once so vibrant, responsive and strong has shriveled up and died. All that is left is an empty shell that almost looks the same. There's one small spark left flicke...

29 June 2014, 01:54 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701403911813

Creative Poetry #2

Secrets and lies are what drag this world down. I want to escape from this god awful town. This town which I loved not so long ago. This town which has dragged me so far below. Now don't get me wrong I have had happy times. But I can now show emotion with only my rhymes. For on my face it's all laughter and smiles. But in my head I am wondering miles. Miles away where no one can see. A place which is happy and is just for me. As I sit and I think and I let out a sigh. I choke back the tears a...

28 June 2014, 12:30 AM
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2 loves: blaqkn8,zineb-taw
2 comments: blaqkn8,MyPessimisticThoughts
Journal_pane_9963701403890529

Creative Poetry #1

These feelings are "normal," well that's what I 'm told. I never saw me being like this when I'm "old." Feeling lonely and bored with the same old routine. Wanting to hide from the world and to never be seen. Avoiding my family, ignoring my friends. It's these feelings I have that only I can mend. These days make me reflect on my outlook on life. Just like my face in the side of the knife. The knife that I use when I can't deal with pain. When I torture myself for no emotional gain. But may...

27 June 2014, 06:35 PM
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1 love: zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701403829595

Creative Writing #5

These tiny reminders are here to remind me that I am strong, I am weak, I am me. Each one having it's own story, it's own meaning. Some are sadness, others are desperation, but all are important. They've helped me grow as a person, but always shrink back to my old ways. They're always going to be there, and that's okay, I've grown to love these ever so small but ever so important reminders that I have caused. They help me to remember the bad times, to relish in the self pity I have. The beaut...

27 June 2014, 01:40 AM
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2 loves: Lostintheworld,zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701403277348

Creative Writing #4

Sat in a dark room, although there's light, it's hard to see it through the dark feelings that surround me. How I long to believe the advice that people give me, that it will get better. I've been here long enough to know that it doesn't. So why am I still so set on trying to believe that it's true? The darkness is comforting, It tells me I can be whoever I want to be and no one can judge me, no one can hurt me. No one can see the tears and the pain that I choke back when I'm in the light. Th...

20 June 2014, 04:15 PM
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Journal_pane_9963701403231145

Creative Writing #3

She's smiling, yet she's broken inside. That porcelain face isn't fooling anyone, yet she still clings tightly to the hope that it will. Her face is cracked and tired with regret, she longs to be how she once was, how everyone came to know her. Wants to be how she once was so badly that she's willing to fake it, even for the rest of her lifetime. She's pushing the mask further into her face, trying to cover the seams. Her dull lifeless eyes screaming for help. But she's content, content with ...

20 June 2014, 03:26 AM
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1 love: confessionsjust4cyberspace
2 comments: confessionsjust4cyberspace,MyPessimisticThoughts
Journal_pane_9963701403230388

Creative Writing #2

Twisting and turning the web gets tighter, more tangled, more confused. How did I get from the point I was at a few years ago to where I am now? Struggling violently to shake off these always growing, always tightening vine like webs. Being brought back to that dark place I know all too well. I reach for help, yet no one is there. I scream loud enough for anyone to hear me, yet no one comes to rescue me. No one comes to rescue me from this web I've so foolishly weaved, so foolishly influenced...

20 June 2014, 03:13 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701403212721

Creative Writing #1

Waves engulfing me, dark, thick. Blood pouring from my soul like the tears that I cry, the tears that i once cried. But I see light. A small shimmering pool in amongst the darkness surrounding me. I can't breathe, but there's hope. I can't see, but there's light. I can't feel, but there's life. Trying to reach the small flickering glimmer of light the darkness draws me back, drags me back, drags me under as if it's swallowing me whole. I see the small part of light I so desperately want, fadi...

19 June 2014, 10:18 PM
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