Journal_pane_9963701492390150

Lost Control

Everything seems to be happening with no way of me stopping it. My Grandad is dying, my relationship is going to shit and I'm starting to feel really down again. The last time my life was this chaotic, I ended up self harming to try and gain some form of control in my life again. This time I've decided on a spur of the moment "fuck it" thought, that I'd cut my hair... luckily not in a Britney Spears 2007 meltdown way, only a fringe but its weirdly made me feel better about myself. I am scared...

17 April 2017, 01:49 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701492122805

"Family"

When I was younger I was always told that "blood is thicker than water" and "family comes first" which i whole-heartedly believed, until I turned 13. It was like as soon as I became a teenager, the blindfold started to slip and I finally started to see just how fucking twisted my "family" were. My "uncle" who I used to look up to all the time, turned out to be nothing more than a spoiled mama's boy who got everything handed to him on a silver platter by his mother. My Mother was a heroin addi...

13 April 2017, 11:33 PM
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Journal_pane_9963701492052649

Writers Block

Have you ever had so much you want to say, so much you want to express but have no idea how to start? It's like writers block, but it's still so much more than that. I used to think that whenever I couldn't voice what was in my mind it was through fear of rejection, but this time it's different. If I'm being honest right now, I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of me, but I still feel so stuck. I don't even know how to express anger anymore and that used to be the one emotion I stru...

13 April 2017, 04:04 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701492048536

Summer Romance

"Summer Romance." Sounds soppy as fuck right? but I'm not on about the kind of summer romance you see in movies, tv or even the kind you read about in books where some girl next door type meets the guy of her dreams on a holiday in summer and everything is perfect until it crashes. I'm on about the kind of connection you have with someone that makes you feel like you did as a teenager in the summer break. That excited happy feeling that felt like the days lasted an eternity, that made you fee...

13 April 2017, 02:55 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701492047420

Hey

So I guess I should start this refreshed diary page with an introduction right? Okay, so this exact diary page used to be filled to the brim with entries, but it became so damn full up with memories that I'd rather leave behind that I genuinely started to hate the thought of using it. I'm not stating that this diary is going to be any different, in fact it will probably end up the exact same. Considering I'm at probably the lowest I've been in years and the fact that I've decided writing agai...

13 April 2017, 02:37 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701407800035

Creative Poetry - Trapped

I feel like im trapped in a person I don't know, Outside I always look happy when I'm feeling so low. All the anger I've hidden has finally got out, All the happiness I learnt is now filled with self doubt. Of how I really feel, think and who I really am, I'm breaking inside when I say I don't give a damn. Everyone can see how I've changed but it's hard, To go back to the old me and to let down my guard. I don't want to be feared by the people I know, But the new me has left cuts that are too...

12 August 2014, 12:34 AM
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2 loves: orionandrews1234,esmailzadeh
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Journal_pane_9963701406416270

Creative Poetry - My Life

I wake up saddened feeling like I always do, I take the little pill and hope the happiness will soon be true, I know it will get better if I stick to it and can pull through. As I look in the mirror and frown at these self inflicted scars, I have created on myself daily as I sit behind the bars. The bars of this prison cell I have built in my mind, The bars I find regrettably easy to hide behind. I smile at my parents and say the pills work, They nod blissfully unaware of the urges that lurk....

27 July 2014, 12:11 AM
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4 loves: maddieonthings,9Whats-Life9,zineb-taw , ...
2 comments: nathalievictoriazacarisaa3301,MyPessimisticThoughts
Journal_pane_9963701404768294

Creative Writing #7

There was once light in my life, a single solitary spark is now all that remains. As I lay in the obscurity I have created I let out a single sigh and close my eyes. The darkness of my closed eyes matches my surroundings. It's quiet, the only sound to be heard is the beating of my fractured heart that's been broken too many times to heal itself again. The sound of laughter slowly approaches, I open my eyes to see all of my reminiscences being played in front of me like a hazy flickering theat...

07 July 2014, 10:25 PM
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3 loves: blaqkn8,monty.2002,xkullleidi
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Journal_pane_9963701404523475

Poetry Slam - Society

Ever since I was a little girl I was slyly taught by everyone how I should be, what I should wear and who I should like. If you ever dared to be different you'd be labelled by everyone as anything they wanted like "weird" "emo" and "dyke." Yet we won't label ourselves as anything unless we're hiding behind a mask of what we want people to think we are. We swear to be unique yet we're someone completely different when everyone else is afar. We blame everyone around us for our unhappiness wit...

05 July 2014, 02:24 AM
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1 love: zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701404511135

Creative Poetry #3

It was all okay and mostly even great, When we confronted the past and agreed to re-date. We were happy and loving and always around, Now anger and confusion is the only common sound. Distance would be a problem and this we both knew, But it seemed like the further away the more our love grew. But now I'm confused like I don't understand, Why as we walk down the road you don't hold my hand. We shout and we cry then we kiss and make up, Knowing if we carried on we would only break up. I love ...

04 July 2014, 10:59 PM
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1 love: zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701404003282

Creative Writing #6

I'm trapped. All that surrounds me is nothingness and I grow urgent searching for the person I used to know. The person I used to be. I carry on searching as if I'd die without trying. I see someone vaguely familiar. They have the same hair, same clothes, same voice, same face. But one thing is missing, The life. The life that was once so vibrant, responsive and strong has shriveled up and died. All that is left is an empty shell that almost looks the same. There's one small spark left flicke...

29 June 2014, 01:54 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701403911813

Creative Poetry #2

Secrets and lies are what drag this world down. I want to escape from this god awful town. This town which I loved not so long ago. This town which has dragged me so far below. Now don't get me wrong I have had happy times. But I can now show emotion with only my rhymes. For on my face it's all laughter and smiles. But in my head I am wondering miles. Miles away where no one can see. A place which is happy and is just for me. As I sit and I think and I let out a sigh. I choke back the tears a...

28 June 2014, 12:30 AM
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2 loves: blaqkn8,zineb-taw
2 comments: blaqkn8,MyPessimisticThoughts
Journal_pane_9963701403890529

Creative Poetry #1

These feelings are "normal," well that's what I 'm told. I never saw me being like this when I'm "old." Feeling lonely and bored with the same old routine. Wanting to hide from the world and to never be seen. Avoiding my family, ignoring my friends. It's these feelings I have that only I can mend. These days make me reflect on my outlook on life. Just like my face in the side of the knife. The knife that I use when I can't deal with pain. When I torture myself for no emotional gain. But may...

27 June 2014, 06:35 PM
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1 love: zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701403829595

Creative Writing #5

These tiny reminders are here to remind me that I am strong, I am weak, I am me. Each one having it's own story, it's own meaning. Some are sadness, others are desperation, but all are important. They've helped me grow as a person, but always shrink back to my old ways. They're always going to be there, and that's okay, I've grown to love these ever so small but ever so important reminders that I have caused. They help me to remember the bad times, to relish in the self pity I have. The beaut...

27 June 2014, 01:40 AM
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2 loves: Lostintheworld,zineb-taw
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Journal_pane_9963701403277348

Creative Writing #4

Sat in a dark room, although there's light, it's hard to see it through the dark feelings that surround me. How I long to believe the advice that people give me, that it will get better. I've been here long enough to know that it doesn't. So why am I still so set on trying to believe that it's true? The darkness is comforting, It tells me I can be whoever I want to be and no one can judge me, no one can hurt me. No one can see the tears and the pain that I choke back when I'm in the light. Th...

20 June 2014, 04:15 PM
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Journal_pane_9963701403231145

Creative Writing #3

She's smiling, yet she's broken inside. That porcelain face isn't fooling anyone, yet she still clings tightly to the hope that it will. Her face is cracked and tired with regret, she longs to be how she once was, how everyone came to know her. Wants to be how she once was so badly that she's willing to fake it, even for the rest of her lifetime. She's pushing the mask further into her face, trying to cover the seams. Her dull lifeless eyes screaming for help. But she's content, content with ...

20 June 2014, 03:26 AM
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1 love: confessionsjust4cyberspace
2 comments: confessionsjust4cyberspace,MyPessimisticThoughts
Journal_pane_9963701403230388

Creative Writing #2

Twisting and turning the web gets tighter, more tangled, more confused. How did I get from the point I was at a few years ago to where I am now? Struggling violently to shake off these always growing, always tightening vine like webs. Being brought back to that dark place I know all too well. I reach for help, yet no one is there. I scream loud enough for anyone to hear me, yet no one comes to rescue me. No one comes to rescue me from this web I've so foolishly weaved, so foolishly influenced...

20 June 2014, 03:13 AM
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Journal_pane_9963701403212721

Creative Writing #1

Waves engulfing me, dark, thick. Blood pouring from my soul like the tears that I cry, the tears that i once cried. But I see light. A small shimmering pool in amongst the darkness surrounding me. I can't breathe, but there's hope. I can't see, but there's light. I can't feel, but there's life. Trying to reach the small flickering glimmer of light the darkness draws me back, drags me back, drags me under as if it's swallowing me whole. I see the small part of light I so desperately want, fadi...

19 June 2014, 10:18 PM
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