Long

Its been a while since ive updated. I quit my job and found another. Gosh im sorry guys. Ive been struggling with thoughts of dying lately. I can't make the images or the feeling go away

01 April 2017, 02:19 PM
l
love
comment

Split.

When we laugh and smile and joke or even lay there and do nothing, im the happiest person in the world. When we make love, no drug is strong as the feeling I have when my eyes roll back in my head and i begin to fly. But.. When you say certain things or take a certain tone with me, or you seem to care less about me, jesus my nirvana shatters. I fall, deep down, and land on the swords that you promised to protect me from. When you try to push me past a certain place, i do more than break. I fi...

07 March 2017, 12:24 AM
l
love
comment

Busy

Everything has been so busy so I havent been able to write much. Ive had a terrible staph infection and now Im having tummy troubles, more than likely from being on antibiotics so long. Work has been stressful; i was moved to a different job and I wont even ne able to afford to drive to work. My boyfriend has been so understanding and amazing through all of this. We argue regularly, usually over the check when we go out. His birthday is in may, and he wants me to get my passport but I wont b...

23 February 2017, 02:38 AM
l
love
comment

Relationships

I'm trying to be a good girlfriend, I don't mean to be annoying, but I am. He'd be better off with someone else, but he won't listen

19 February 2017, 08:46 PM
l
love
comment

Him

I met a guy..hes smart..funny..dominant..kinky..hardworking..charming..nerdy..creative..caring..hes absolutely perfect it seems..its bound to go wrong. Isnt it? Its too good to be true..right? Im so afraid that its a joke..im afraid to fall in love with him..but i am. Im trying not to but i am. I dont want to be hurt again..and i damn sure dont want to hurt him

07 February 2017, 11:29 PM
l
2 loves: destinyochoa766,isabel256ipanda
comment

Im a happy person. I have hope. I have depression. I have anxiety. Its hard to explain the personality i have, and thats the best that i can do. Its contradictory and difficult to cope sometimes, but i am. To give you some insight, lets do a scenario. Youve trained hard, for months and years, running every day rain or shine. And the day is finally here. You stretch, getting ready to run the marathon. You HAVE to win first place. Its your dream. And youre certain that you can do it. The day...

27 January 2017, 01:25 AM
l
love
comment

Sex

I wasn't taught about it. I was naive. I am naive. But I love it. Being thrown on a bed, a hand tight around my throat, oxygen slowly leaving my body, an appendage shoved down my throat. Maybe I'm use to it.

13 January 2017, 02:44 AM
l
love
comment

Confliction

Confusion bubbles up inside me, makingood a sour taste in my dry mouth. Conflict forces me to war with myself. My heartbeat pounds in my ears and my eyes become hazy, unable to see. I want this feeling to be gone but I don't think it will go away. I'm afraid that I will fall deep into a hole and the dirt will pile on top of me.. I want to feel the slice of a knife across my skin again..but he would notice.. or would he? I'm in my silent mood again.. yet I want to scream

09 January 2017, 11:01 PM
l
love
comment

Storms

It stormed yesterday. Hard. Lightening and thunder. I was driving. I can feel his obese body on top of me, his weak arms unable to hold his weight. His breath was cigarette filled and sour. His breath was labored, and he smelled, especially when he pulled his boxers down. His face use to be sharp in my mind but now, thankfully, is just a sour Santa Claus. Even though his member was small, it still hurt. Oddly enough, there wasn't much blood. I knew nothing about sex, rape, molestation. M...

03 January 2017, 11:27 PM
l
love
comment

Sleep

I lay here, half asleep, my eyes are weighted down by sand. I dont want to have nightmares. I can still feel his hands traveling over my legs, telling me happy birthday.. i can remember him telling me that he couldn't aee the television and to scoot down the bed a foot and id end up in front of his genitalia. I dont want to sleep.

02 January 2017, 01:58 AM
l
love
comment

Abuse

I'm 20 years old. I'm a woman. I have anxiety, depression, PTSD, and before August of 2015, I had no support system. I use to be addicted to sex and pills, and was becoming addicted to alcohol. I use to self harm. I still want to. But I'm better. I have a full time job, a vehicle, money, and I'm on medicine. I'm on the road to recovery. These journal entries will be my every day struggles.

01 January 2017, 03:14 PM
l
1 love: Blackbutterfly
comment