I'm breaking...

I'm slowly breaking. I can't take this mental abuse anymore. Today first period, while everyone was talking about christmas or the current school gossip. My mind was else where. I was quietly crying. Closed my eyes so a tear wouldn't drop. I was planning on how to kill myself. I think about it much too much. But it's not my fault, what can I say? I'm breaking. I don't know what you're supposed to do, when even getting yourself through the day is a struggle. Where I'm getting fed up with faki...

16 December 2013, 10:41 PM
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1 love: leilani_rain
3 comments: Embarassing,snowwhitesjournal,cchalesse

Fuck

Ugh. I'm so disgusting I hate it.. I just want to be dead so bad. I don't want to make things better I just want to die. I don't care anymore. I mean I care but then again I don't. I just wish my grammy could know how I feel without me telling her, like how do I ask her to let me live with her? Last time she shut me down. I just need to explain to her how bad things are. The only way I could do that is face to face, the only problem is I don't get to see her until April. Lets just pray that s...

16 December 2013, 10:27 PM
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1 love: leilani_rain
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School School School

It's so easy to just not do my homework or not study. Semester is almost ending and my grades need to be higher. I need to nail these next two social studies projects. I need to do good, or as she would say "well" in english class. I need to get an A on my next science project. I just need to focus on school for the next 5 days and then I have break.

16 December 2013, 01:20 AM
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2 loves: imyours,leilani_rain
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I need to get back on track

I need to start losing weight again, that'll make me feel so much better. Losing weight makes me feel so good. I just need to keep doing things that'll help me get through living in this hell for the next couple of months, but I can't give up. If i give up and just kill myself then everyone else wins. Everyone who told me to go die, they win. Being competitive helps in this situation. So before April break I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep myself busy and happy. Lose weight is somethi...

15 December 2013, 10:14 PM
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2 loves: imyours,leilani_rain
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Just push through it

Maybe I shouldn't give up. I can do this. I can live, I can be happy. I don't need to let other people influence my life. I'm going to be happy. I can do it. I just need to push threw through these next couple of months then when I see my grammy I can tell her everything that I'm feeling and hopefully she'll let me live with her.

15 December 2013, 10:09 PM
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4 loves: luliasr,imyours,leilani_rain , ...
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