“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

This day has been a breakthrough. Well, maybe this entire week. A dear friend of mine passed away earlier this week, which was incredibly difficult. This was someone I cared for, and it was the first loss I've ever encountered for someone I truly knew. Ever since, I stopped allowing the barriers I held hold me back. I started to thrive. I was honest with myself. I wasted time on people and classes that I shouldn't have. But you live and you learn. And you succeed because of it. Is it a coinci...

16 April 2017, 04:22 AM
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And that's a powerful thing

I'm realizing more and more how the state I live in has a tendency to hold people here. The longer you live here, the harder it is to get away. My experience being back from college out of state for the first time has showed me the endless possibilities life has to offer, and also my ability to get stagnant as I sit here at home again. It's amazing the different person I am in both places. It's also comforting to know I'll be back soon. I love my family, but my better self is somewhere outsid...

16 December 2016, 04:08 AM
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A companion worth sharing more of me to

It's Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for so much, but when I generally write on this, it's because I'm sad. Sad about something or other. It's a natural part of me that seeks out an outlet when I don't feel that great. And honestly, I don't know why. College has been so good to me. I've enjoyed the time spent bettering myself and getting to know new people. I really want love, though. I've been fooling around with people who mean nothing to me. I think that's what's hurting. I can't seem to manage...

25 November 2016, 03:02 AM
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Take a little time

I'm so happy to be writing this. I look over my older posts wondering, "How was I so sad?" I never talked about it with anyone. It was something I harbored deep within me, hoping someone would just understand. Now, I've found a lighter, more enjoyable place within myself. I don't hold a deep resentment for the way my life turned out when I was younger. I think a lot of my hurt resided in the need to find love and happiness. I wasn't particularly liked in a romantic sense as a young girl, and ...

05 September 2016, 06:01 PM
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As messed up as I am

Wow, it's been a long, long time. So much has changed but my instinct to write when times get bad has not. Reggie died today. A dog that I had always viewed as more of a struggle than he was worth has that ability to tear my heart into two. I feel disgusting. My words did not reflect the subconscious connection I felt. He was always there, even if he did drive me crazy. And seeing my family torn up? I'm broken, too, but I am trying to be the strong one. It's hard for me because I've always co...

03 June 2015, 04:56 AM
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1 love: suzanne_drolet
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An unyielding run into a dark place

I gotta say, this has been the worst day of one of the worst few months I've had in a long time. I just want it to stop because it was good before. Before meaning a good five months ago but nonetheless good. I don't know when I stopped trying for friends and started staying inside more. I don't know when I started an unyielding run into a dark place because I used to be okay. Life was better. And I know I can't take it back but god do I wish it wasn't this bad. I could think of a few reasons ...

08 January 2014, 01:22 AM
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Point being

I hate being angry and sad and all those horrible things but my mom is doing this to me. Her crazy mind has no sense of any direction but her own and she wants to call me selfish? She bought me my computer because she owed it to me from all the money she had ever taken from me up to that point. It broke and I bought myself a new one in hopes of selling parts for the old one. Point being that both are mine because they were my money. She is forcing me to give it to Jasmyne because she doesn't ...

07 January 2014, 11:20 PM
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I sure did wish

It feels weird to be writing in this diary again. There were a few reasons I stopped. My computer busted and my life stopped it's "good" streak. In all, my computer busted awhile after I had stopped but things began to fall. The summer - mostly August - was life-changing. I had the boy, the friends, the life. School came along and all of a sudden things changed for no better reason than that they did. I couldn't stop it because I stopped trying to. I sure did wish that it had never happened f...

07 January 2014, 03:14 AM
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And last night, it did

I pictured how my first kiss would be up until around the seventh grade. When I stopped, I just hoped that it would happen at all. And last night, it did. A night out at the drive in with the coworkers (one who happens to be a cute guy I've been into for a few weeks). For the first time, there was a mutual attraction. It started with simply holding his hand underneath the blanket, followed by holding me. Cuddling turned into a moment alone with the two of us. It's when he leaned in and I'd s...

09 August 2013, 03:50 AM
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1 love: suzanne_drolet
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Peaceful place this summer

I've been in such a peaceful place this summer. Even as I have been working at my first job (which most would probably imagine to be stressful) has left me in a greater place. Of course I've had my days, as has most. But I'm moving onto a newer place where I am mentally ready for it. It's harder to explain, I guess. I just don't want to lose this feeling right here. School really takes its toll on me and I forget the meaning of being happy. I spend weeknights studying and weekends sleeping. ...

30 July 2013, 04:42 AM
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Despite

I think the near a new day's morning is when I reflect the most. And it's funny because it's just how my life has been going so far, which is easygoing. I have a job (not easy, I might add). I have no stress. It's just easy, and I normally wouldn't even write anything on a day like today. You can easily see I have a habit of writing when I'm extremely sad or in a dark place. But when I'm in that place, I don't know it. Just looking back, it's harder than being there. In my horoscope for this ...

18 July 2013, 04:49 AM
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We all feel this way

Last night/ Early this morning was amazing. I have never been so happy in my entire life. I was a camp counselor these past few days (Mon.-Thurs.) The kids left on Wednesday, and we had a counselor overnight. It truly changed me. The three days with the kids really opens your eyes to everyone and everything that you may not have really seen. The counselors I was with were nice, some annoying or not my favorite, but overall they were fine. At camp, though, everything changed. By the counselo...

28 June 2013, 06:17 AM
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1 love: suzanne_drolet
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And who to thank?

It's kind of funny how I truly only post on here when I'm sad. When I'm happy, I'm so preoccupied with other things that I almost forget about posting, but I never really did like forcing it anyway. But today, and for the past few days, life has been good. I got a job, I'm going to be a camp counselor in a couple of days, I got a new phone. Just easy living. Says a lot from where I've come from. How to you possibly express the true thanks and gratitude you feel without sounding "rehearsed". ...

23 June 2013, 06:16 AM
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Write something down, but not say anything

I always have something to say, something that may not be right in my mind, or something that may be perfect. There's always been something and there will always be something. But I don't always have to speak. And that's me right now. I could speak about my night last night working on being a camp counselor, I could talk about how I'm angry at myself for not working harder, or I could speak about the love I crave but am afraid to accept. But tonight, I just needed to write something down. But...

15 June 2013, 04:48 AM
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Something so beautiful about how human beings work

I told myself this summer I wasn't going to stay up late to extreme times, but here I am. It's nearly one in the morning. It's not that I'm feeling sad (which is usually the case), but more so alone. It's not normal, I don't enjoy feeling this way. I think it's just that I need someone to talk to, not sure I would have the capability to produce an articulate sentence but maybe to speak through our minds. There is something so beautiful about how human beings work. I believe it's impossible t...

12 June 2013, 06:45 AM
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Because it's not

As I grow older, I grown new found respect for different things, especially my parents' decisions on raising me. Maybe it's that "Ah ha!" moment that most teens experience, but it's a powerful thing. My parents allowed me to have my own views, think my own way, which is a lot to say because most parents try to shove their beliefs down your throat. We never went to church as a family, even though my dad did grow up very religious. When I was younger, this made me angry. All the other kids went...

09 June 2013, 08:31 PM
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Like a straight teenager

Tonight I spent the night at my friend's house, and I just felt like a straight teenager. God, it felt good, too. Imagine, scary movies, boys coming over, driving around with the music blaring, laughter. How cliché of a movie does that sound? But it was tonight. And it felt great. But every time I spend a night out with my friends, the thoughts of, "What are you doing? You're not cool enough, no confidence," always creep into my mind. I lost a good amount of weight, and that has increased my ...

02 June 2013, 06:02 AM
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1 love: suzanne_drolet
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"Friends"

Fuck these "friends", man. I can't catch a break in this life, and I've never had so much bad fall into my good. This school year has been something else entirely. I felt happy again. I'm truly starting to form bonds and it's exciting. Sure, having a ton of friends is fine, but no one to really be there. That's what matters most, and I struggled with it a lot at the beginning of the year. As to be expected for a girl starting at a new school. But at my old school, it's like rumors come up out...

31 May 2013, 01:31 AM
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2 loves: Jovannagee12,suzanne_drolet
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What a fucking joke of a bunch of people. "Just so she doesn't freak out." Whatever she says is right. Don't listen to anyone else. Fuck this I'm so fucking done omg im about to punch a wall ive never had this much anger in me it hurts and I want to cry and plz someone help me

28 May 2013, 02:49 AM
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"Laugh a lot, dance a lot, and pray a lot."

Despite what everyone may believe about surviving the end of the world, I'm not so sure. Yes, we made it past Dec. 21st. Yes, we're still alive. But are we truly living? There has been an outrageous amount of disasters, and death. Sandy Hook, Hurricane Sandy, Oklahoma tornado, Boston Marathon bombing, and now this mud slide in Minnesota. Not too far from where I live. It breaks my heart, and I feel like there is nothing I can do. So, we lived past the "end of the world" but maybe it's just be...

23 May 2013, 03:05 AM
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