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The british man is gone. He either decided he was done with me, finished playing whatever game he was playing, or he killed himself (all of which are viable possiblites). So in my feeling of inadequacy, I joined (rejoined) a dating website. And within days I met someone new. And I don't know how to feel about it. His situation isn't ideal. He's in some trouble with the law and handling that. But I get to talk to him often, and see him on the weekend. He isn't anything like who I'd imagined...

30 August 2015, 12:46 PM
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Bad company

I was supposed to help a friend move today. I should've just cancelled. But I hate being that person. The one that bails last minute with some lame ass excuse. So I went. We ended up not doing anything of any importance. Checked out a couple stores. Didn't move anything at all. I thought that going might actually help. That being around someone might make me feel better. But not really. I felt judged at the stores because I wasn't really put together. You know, didn't really match, didnt p...

17 July 2015, 08:19 AM
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Terrifying thoughts

I first diagnosed myself with depression a couple years ago. My family doc has a tendency to just give me what I want when I come in because I'm a nurse and I'm smart. That's not to say he's loose with his script pad, more that he trusts my judgement. So when I went in asking for an antidepressant, he agreed with my assessment and wrote for wellbutrin. It was glorious. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt. The author of Hyperbole and a Half did a two piece bit on depress...

17 July 2015, 08:00 AM
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Anxiety is...

a bitch. I have this massive fear that no one actually likes me. That everyone is just politely putting up with my shit until I move on and leave them alone. Which is terribly shitty, because I fucking do that to a good 95% of the people I deal with.

15 July 2015, 03:49 PM
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1 love: thebloggess
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Theres this quote...

from a book call The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls: “Nothing in my life has ever made me want to commit suicide more than people's reaction to my trying to commit suicide.” Sometimes I dread talking to people who know about my bipolar disorder. Dad makes it a joke. Think poor renditions of Manic Monday and jokes about bi-polar bears. Mom thinks its an excuse. Eye rolls and "The Look" when the depression nears the point of becoming detrimental. Like when I don't do the dishes or take ...

15 July 2015, 03:08 PM
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Trying my hand

My handwriting is shit, so a real life journal is out. Plus an anonymous public journal has its appeal. Like maybe my crazy could make others feel less crazy. That's a nice thought. And here its like writing to a person. Not that bull shit Dear Diary stuff. Plus I'm not interested in burdening my friends and family with my nonsense. I've tried that before and I hate the looks on their faces and the obligatory "how ya feelin'?" questions that start coming after that. So... enjoy.

15 July 2015, 02:37 PM
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Never have I ever

The biggest thing burdening my mind right now is my "boyfriend". I've never actually had one of those before, and for all intents and purposes I don't now either. We met (in the way you meet someone without ever meeting them) because I work nights and I get bored and try to find people to talk to, usually on something like kik. I posted this stupid ad on craigslist in the uk. The platonic section, of course, but that doesn't stop most of the messages from being "show me your tits". Its still...

15 July 2015, 02:24 PM
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