Happiness is fleeting. I wish it stayed longer.
It's been a while.
I wish I could have the type of consistency and routine in my life like so many others around me seem to have. A balance of work life and personal life, and time for social activities and new experiences. I feel like for me the only stable aspect would be my job, and even that I feel like I take for granted sometimes. How do you show more gratitude? How can I express how thankful I am that despite my weird and restless lifestyle. I wish I could express myself more without getting so frustrate...
I haven't received my financial aid yet. It's been over the 15 assessment days and online it says it's been assessed but I haven't received anything. Really annoyed. I've been in school for 3 weeks already and nothing. I like the school overall but they've been pretty incompetent with helping with student's needs. Frustrated.
I am grateful for everything in my life. Today, that I wasn't late to class. Thankful that last night I had the chance to clean up the house and cook, and reduce clutter. Thankful for my loving sisters, R and S, even though S makes me mad like no other. For the pell grant I received and am eagerly awaiting; that tomorrow is payday and I can pay off some bills. That I have a warm bed and an apartment all to myself, that I have people who love and care for me. That I have an amazing job where I...
I thought, I'll write another post ranting about A or G or life or something. But no. Today is a good day, and I want to count my blessings. I need to appreciate my life more because compared to last year, or even all the years before 2014, life was really hard. Next post will be for everything I'm grateful for.
"A" was the result of a rebound from my gut-wrenching break up with G. That started seven months after I've broken up with G, in February. Now, six months later of fornication, that's also come to an end. You're with someone long enough and bypass the standard rules of "friends with benefits", start going to their parties and be introduced as his "girl" and have dinner with his family and it's much more... commitment... and someone gets clingy, and this and that... and then it all comes crash...
Funny how trust takes years to build and just seconds to crumble.
“He was like a song I'd heard once in fragments but had been singing in my mind ever since.”
(Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha.) This is one of my favorite books in the world. Full of beautiful language and metaphor. I'll be posting quotes throughout.
Everything I wrote just got deleted because I clicked outside this stupid diary box. What the fuck. I just poured my heart out and nothing was saved. And I'm pissed because that's such a first world problem. Who gives a shit. Ugh, so angst ridden today. Fuck everything.
Today at work KC was in a good mood pretty much the whole day, which was great because he's usually grumpy. I think it's because A's car wasn't in the lot last night. When he sees it in the morning he has this strange, negative, moody vibe all day towards me. Today went by pretty quick and it was busy at work. Boring post.
"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."
-Audrey Hepburn. (same here, Audrey.)
I barely slept last night. I've just been feeling so restless lately. This is most likely due to the fact that I contacted him. But also because I've just been feeling frustrated. I feel like I'm not doing any productive things and that I'm wasting my time with this guy I've been seeing. Mostly the latter. I like him; he's a good guy but the initial spark has fizzled out. I don't think I can ever be committed to someone the way I was committed to G.
It feels like I'm being choked. I am so overwhelmed by the responsibilities that I have. My mom is a shadowy figure who once in a while calls. I'm responsible for my youngest sister, S, being the sole guardian. It's such a challenge. I'm 21 and I don't mind it because I love her and I will always protect her, but sometimes the weight of all the pressure, all the stress, just gets to me. I struggle to be a good example, not have any destructive tendencies or vices, and be responsible and matur...
I did end up greeting him, through email. Casual enough, I guess. Text is too personal, calling is just desperately intimate. He replied back, which surprised me. So I replied back, then he replied again, then I replied AGAIN, and now I'm on the waiting end for his response. If he doesn't, it'll secretly hurt but email threads usually don't go for long because I say something stupid or he just, he has better things to do. Can't help but feel guilty because I've been advised by my family not t...
I can't believe I have three active accounts and I'm only 21. Fuck me and fuck my money management (or lack thereof) skills
So, still fretting about it. I don't know if I should greet him or not. It's been 1 year, 2 months, and 9 days since we've gone our separate ways and I still think about him from time to time. Recently, or when I'm alone, or not busy, it always reverts back to him. Always. Even if I'm involved with someone else already. I'm stupid. Happy 21st to you. I hope you're happy. 8/15/14
Google searched, "online diary" and this came up first. Today I can't keep still... just really... preoccupied, and thoughts keep distracting me from work. Figured, well, I don't really write in journals any more, much less a diary. So online would work better. Thoughts lost in a vast internet cyberspace. So I guess it'll start today. Stuff that bothers and concerns me, I usually tell my sister, who is also my best friend, S, but this issue has become tiresome and repetitive and annoying. It'...
Transferred my notes from a different account because I didn't know how to change my username. Accidentally used my name -__-