Current Feelings in the Hall

It's nearing the end of the first year of uni and I'm feeling awfully demotivated, alone and depressed. You know when you're around a group of people and they're all smiling and everything is good? But the moment you turn around and glimpse into a reflective surface you see they're all grimacing behind your back? Everything suddenly turns black around you and you wonder why you bother? Why you try so hard to be friends with these people. See, its funny in my previous entry I was supposed to...

02 September 2015, 04:17 PM
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Update 1/5 - 18th

So a lot has changed since my last diary entry (I assume about the eaten Thai food - I am a literal genius). I guess, I'll start with noting my 18th birthday. So my best friend (in the world) Chris flew in from Mackay just to be there for our 18th birthdays. I couldn't imagine a better present than him, he makes me so happy. Anyway, we had created a schedule of the week that he was in Wellington for my birthday in order to make the best of him being there. We ended up clubbing, going to a st...

02 September 2015, 04:12 PM
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Swing from a lightbulb

Im currently wrapped in a towel from having finished a shower about 2 hours ago, but yolo right? Its about 7 degrees too and I shaved my legs. Why New Zealand gotta play like that? Nicole is struggling with the idea that maybe her relationship is over. I dont blame her, I'd be fighting it just as hard as her. Shes such a strong girl, but even the strongest have weakest points. So tonight, Im heading out for a formal 'skip dinner' desert with friends. Shall we call it deserting? OK DONE. S...

24 June 2014, 03:11 AM
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Law

So Ive yet again left studying for a final exam til the last day. Oh and I sliced the top half of my index finger off with the meat slicer at work. Fuck my life, my finger looks like Theon Greyjoys left over nub. Short entry, Nicole's living in. She's great. Night gotta go

22 June 2014, 03:33 PM
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Want is a four letter word but so is rash

Nicole and I went on a spontaneous trip into town for milkshakes and the shop was closed. Needless to say, we were not impressed. Neither with the free offer of weed from some random stranger or the fact that Nicoles fiance of 4 years was tagged in a video of him getting cozy with another girl. Shes shattered, I cant blame her. This situation is fucked. Seeing that video, the feeling is all too familiar. At first it doesnt hit you, but then when you realise what you're seeing, a cold hard ...

21 June 2014, 02:45 PM
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Yup

So I just got yelled at for eating the left over thai food at 1am. Because I ate someones dinner? Um Im a growing woman, oppression should have ended in the 60s. Nicole broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years, its a bit sad but whats even sadder is the amount of creeps messaging her. I feel traumatised, especially this one CYBER RAPIST, that she straight up told to fuck off, abuse her with photos of his chode. YUCK. Anyways, I've been talking to this guy in my management class named Thomas....

20 June 2014, 03:24 PM
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Post Economics Exam

So I think I just bullshitted three hours of my life attempting to do my final exam. Im not sure, Im so unbelievably shit at economics its not funny. Why do people feel the need to yell at me when Im driving? UGH Nicole my best friend, is coming to live with me for a bit til she finds a flat. FLATTING UPDATES SHALL BE EXPECTED ALTHOUGH NO ONE READS THIS ITS HERE.

19 June 2014, 09:44 AM
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Lets just say no

A lot has changed since the police took her away. We have no fridge upstairs and the reminents of a dog is stinking the house out. How can I only smell pee now that the dog is gone? I feel weird being in this house, that at any moment the front door is going to swing open and Im going to hear her stomping up the stairs. Quickly followed by someone trudging back down to have a whinge about her mood. I cant get her face out of my head, the shocked expression she had when I took my brother's s...

17 June 2014, 06:53 AM
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Why am I up

Today I decided to actually study for a class I havent paid attention to the entire semester, for its final exam tomorrow. I have no idea why I thought this was an awesome idea, but no ragrets right? Im having this really weird emotion thingy where I want a boyfriend but the thought of being in a relationship/opening up to someone/having sexual relations/a boyfriend throws me off completely. I want something I dont want? Is this normal?? Uh. Anyway, so my conquest for full attainment shal...

16 June 2014, 01:13 PM
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Double Entry

Its absolutely insane how much power we enable a partner to hold over us. Love is a crazy driver, that never knows how to parallel park (shamefully, were both sinners on that part). My first boyfriend technically was a boy in the 7th grade, who asked me out on the bus going to camp in Dubai. He was South African and as far as I was concerned, I was his final conquest before the whole of the grade had been dated. I was nervous and fidgety. He had swift blond hair and a slight lazy eye, but who...

14 June 2014, 01:35 PM
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Bigger Infinites

I thought it was strange how people can choose to be one side of them self and oppress the other. I find it weird that its our natural instinct to hide a fractured part of ourselves away. Its not as if we've put it to the back of our mind for careful maintenance but rather fearful that it could get out of hand. At work tonight, I wasnt as smiley as I usually am. I guess I had a lot on my mind. Its like an unspoken ritual, when the clock hits 5pm the night shift lippy comes on and the badass...

14 June 2014, 01:17 PM
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Im a Child

So the other day it came to my attention, that although I am 17 years old. I will never have a coherent opinion that could possibly matter in this world. That whenever I have a strong opinion about something or someone I'm automatically slotted into the 'still thinks shes in high school' slot. Its as if, I'm forever tainted to be a regular high schooler until I'm in my 30's. But by then, it'll be the opposite and judging by my choice in career, Id probably be having a midlife crisis and e...

13 June 2014, 04:08 PM
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Tail End

I work at an Italian restaurant where the shifts are long and the staff meals are great. However, the love for my bed or any remote relationship to the world of slumber, is much more appetizing than any european dish, ever. Pulling up to my house with the police in my driveway and an ambulance poorly paralleled on the kurb, Europe suddenly felt the most ordeal. I never thought in my entire life, I would be protecting my 36 year old brother from his harsh reality. Drunk or not, this was the ...

13 June 2014, 03:32 PM
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13/06/14

I'm not quite sure how I begin this? Should I just tell my story or write entries like I've been writing for years? Lets just pretend I've been writing for about 2 years now and everyone knows Im already struggling to succumb with the reality of being underage but fresh out of high school.

12 June 2014, 04:19 PM
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