In the words of Tarrens Howard, ...
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When you thought you had forgiven, and forgotten, someone comes along and opens up those old scares. They replace that knife and they push it deeper and deeper into your flesh and then they start to turn it. Everybody has an opinion, but nobody has the whole truth, and nobody cares if it doesn't benefit them. #LearnedLesson.
I'm having more and more trouble with people. It's so hard to trust, when everyone around you is proving to be untrustworthy. I'm thinking maybe I need to start being selfish.
I can remember the first time. I was eight. I had just found out my parents were using drugs (crack cocaine), matter of fact, I heard it from their own mouths. I didn't understand the weight of the situation for a couple of years, when things started to get really bad. No food in the frig, no money for anything, let alone the necessities. I hardly existed to anyone around me, I had no rules no regulations, I stayed up all night sometimes hungry until one of my oh so big dope boy brothers took...
I'm pretty, I'm smart, I'm kind heart-ed. I should have it all, I think most people believe I have it all. But what they don't know is, being this pretty, smart, kind heart-ed young lady, comes with so much baggage that none of my core qualities even matter. I just read a resent entry by someone I follow. I realized that I actually hate keeping a diary to. I don't feel like my thoughts and opinions are that important to write down for someone to read. However maybe they will be to someone, ma...
I've never been more tired of just being me. The more days that go by, the more I'm starting to hate myself. The more I look back and regret decisions I've made, the more I regret opportunities I've missed. The more I regret being born into this messed up family. The more I regret befriending those who've used me all up, to where, now I look in the mirror and can't even recognize the person staring back. Most days I do wake up and think about how life would be if I would have never been born....
