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14 December 2016, 08:01 PM
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i am very flattered, i received a message from a stranger in my calculus class telling me i am pretty. i dont know who he is, but he wrote at the end of the message, -guy in the red jacket. unfortunately, i sit in the front of my calculus class, so i dont really know what anyone looks like. it is unusual to me how i can hate myself so much, and a stranger who sits behind me every day for 3 months thinks highly of me. but i am quiet, i dont reveal much about myself to anyone. and it is wise fo...

02 December 2016, 11:30 PM
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Sometimes I think to myself, I used to be so normal. But now I know there is really no normal, just things we are used to. Familiar and unfamiliar.

24 November 2016, 06:59 PM
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the more people you love, the weaker you are.

22 November 2016, 08:29 PM
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Feel my pain, feel my pleasure.

12 November 2016, 11:04 PM
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Happy mask salesman

Try to imagine a world without timekeeping You probably can't, you know the month, the year, the day of the week Yet all around you timekeeping is ignored Birds are not late, a dog does not check his watch, deer do not fret over passing birthdays Man alone measures time, man alone chimes the hour. And because of this man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures A fear of running out of time

06 November 2016, 03:42 AM
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I hate nature because I know that just a fraction of a percent of dna variance can be the difference between a life of happiness or worthlessness, and it has never once reached out its hand in pity or love to console any of her victims trembling, even though it has entirely enough power to do so at any time. Because we live in a reality where we have no choice but to search for meaning in a totally meaningless world. And by searching we create illusions and battle to destroy other people's ...

31 October 2016, 11:48 PM
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another email from the same sender: You go to my head And you linger like a haunting refrain And I find you spinning 'round in my brain Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne You go to my head Like a sparkling glass of burgundy brew And I find the very mention of you Like the kicker in a julip or two The thrill of the thought that you might give a thought to my plea casts a spell over me Still I say to myself, get ahold of yourself Can't you see that it never can be Still you...

23 October 2016, 06:56 AM
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I'm tired of being scared all the time. It's just annoying! I accept now that i can't go through life not making mistakes, but I can learn to deal with challenges and maintain positive attitude. It's time to smile :)

18 October 2016, 07:06 PM
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I wrote this yesterday after a series of extremely stressful events. I really want to overcome this negative hopeless way of thinking and learn to smile more

I don't want to think I should just redistribute my energy to a system that will put it to better use If I'm going to exist in a world where I am pushed around by an ocean of currents that I can never change, why would I want to have any awareness?

17 October 2016, 03:25 PM
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when i was 12 i started sneaking out a lot. for the most part, it was for no reason. i just wanted to go outside and play in the woods. it was really really stupid and dangerous, but somehow i never ran into any harm. i would do this regularly, multiple times a week, usually alone. one late night, i climbed out of my bedroom window and started climbing over the yard fence. it was about 7 feet tall and made of wood, so i had to be careful not to make any noise climbing over. as i was climbing ...

05 October 2016, 08:59 PM
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i need to talk to you arielle. i want you to know that I am happy, and it feels like ive been happy for a long time. i know you wonder that, if im really happy or not. and you remember being unhappy your whole life since you were less than 10 years old. i dont think the future looks like the past, everything is getting better. you had a lot of challenges, you made a lot of mistakes, but you understand why you need to be good now. youre 21 ok. if you get up and remember that you need to be goo...

05 October 2016, 08:45 PM
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I deserve to be in the pain that I'm in

Paranoia is how I would describe it. It's dark and scary and consuming and extinguishes love and hope. It turns you against yourself. I was bad. I was vulnerable. I deserve to be in the pain that I'm in.

26 September 2016, 04:40 AM
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My ideal world is one without betrayal. In the world I live in, it seems like an act of betraying a loved one, such as having an affair, is an immense desire. It disgusts me. And I'm powerless against it, because I know that I'll never be enough for anyone. Any man I try to love will always desire other women. I fully understand that it is natural, but I find it to be an ugly part of life. I resent nature for a lot of things.

24 September 2016, 06:15 AM
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I wish I never existed.

24 September 2016, 05:58 AM
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2 comments: orne_bolivar,ariyull

CONFUSION

lately i have been really obsessed with the concept of confusion. in biology i learned about the development of cephalization (this has to do with the evolution of a brain) and it fascinates me how other organisms live without exerting much energy on conscious thought. and the idea of really knowing nothing, seems in many ways, better than knowing so much. when i really think about what knowledge is... from a biological perspective.. a collection of memories, but memories are unreliable. even...

12 September 2016, 10:58 PM
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i wonder if i can handle being with someone as perfect as mike.

12 September 2016, 10:46 PM
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the following user says hi. filmed and narrated by me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MohtI4n5464&feature=youtu.be

12 September 2016, 10:28 PM
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Journal_pane_10978861473317164

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08 September 2016, 07:46 AM
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searching for meaning in a meaningless existence. anyways i never really stood a chance. there is so much nothingness about me. the only thing that makes sense now is to embrace humiliation. experience the "divine irresponsibility" of the condemned (Sartre). growing up, i never thought this would be me... the more i try to please myself, the more i am left embarrassed. i think, those times i give up and [][][][][][][][][][][][][][], those are the only times that i believe in now. ive given up...

08 September 2016, 07:40 AM
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