waiting while hurting...

i wish i could just cry out all the negative thoughts and move on... why does it have to hurt this way.. it felt like i was dangling helplessly over the murky puddle of oblivion.... i've always wanted to talk to you but you never have the time to come and sit beside me... it's as if i am this fully deranged soul trapped inside a helpless imperfect body pleading to hear your comforting voice, longing for your maternal love... yeah... i do hate the world today... i wanted to savor the moment ...

02 June 2015, 07:49 AM
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i always go back to black when the clock hits nine in the afternoon. i went to sagrario. where dark thoughts might bloom but is prevented by the morning light. where chaos meets the pacific. somewhere in the middle of nowhere, lies the secret haven of the soul thresher. i hope the blessed wind of zephyr carry my sincerest apology and may the angels of paradise continue to dance around you for all eternity. a cryptic message was sent to you by the wicked genius of the isolated 109.

24 March 2015, 04:19 AM
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so what am i supposed to do..?? my real mother don't even have the slightest idea on how i feel... my mommy... well, she just left without even saying a single word... my mama... she would be flying to australia and will be staying with daddy long legs... and with that... i will be here alone with you... yes, i know you are always there.. you are always physically available... but emotionally unreachable...

04 March 2015, 08:18 AM
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You found me sitting carelessly near the edge of the earth.. . Contemplating on the things i wished i have never said.. . . I looked down the whirlpool of shattered dreams.. . . I tried to catch my breath as i let myself be caught on the web of your glittery lies.. . I was deceived by your warm reception.. . I now have this growing fear.. . . That you would turn out to be just like the others... . . -1000 forms of fear

04 March 2015, 06:58 AM
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forgotten

drunk a whole bottle of blue mai tai... it was supposed to help me forget everything about you... all the hurt that you have caused... the supposed friendship we have... the mother and daughter sort of a relationship i came to believe about.... but then again.. i still can't help myself.... why am is still crying..??? why do i still feel this kind of pain... it's almost four years.... and yet it seemed like it was just yesterday... i miss you mommy... ... but it seems that you don't miss me...

10 February 2015, 07:20 AM
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frequently spacing out... worrying too much... thinking about things that i'm not supposed to... anxious.bothered.confused...

12 January 2015, 08:03 AM
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unrequitted

i am becoming more attach as days pass by... i am investing too much love and care on you and now i have this growing fear that you might be just like them.. you act as if you really care and say that you love me too but it doesn't reciprocate your emotions.. i would ask for a hug but you always have to think it over... yeah.. i guess i poured too much... i assumed that we are good friends.. (or was it just all in my imagination)... for a while, i really thought i was your younger ...

10 January 2015, 03:50 PM
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Journal_pane_8324851420898374

into the future

though it gives me so much pain... i will gladly endure it.. because i saw you in my future... you are my future.. and i am very much willing to wait.. i will wait even if it takes forever....

10 January 2015, 01:59 PM
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got another sudden burst of emotion last night.. can't seem to control my tears.. i tried not to be emotionally attach to someone.. but things aren't going as what i planned it to be.. i just realized that i'm investing too much love and care again for someone...

06 November 2014, 03:51 AM
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1 love: runawayskipper
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you said you missed me... but you acted cold when i'm with you... i guess, it's not really me whom you wanted to see and talk to... it was somebody else.. it just happened that i was the closest thing that you have for the moment...

31 October 2014, 07:16 PM
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1 love: runawayskipper
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so close yet so far...

you are so close... you are just here by my side.. and yet... it felt like we are worlds apart.. we said we care for each other, but it seems like you don't mind seeing me broken.. i realized,that no matter how much effort i put on trying to have a connection with you.. you will always keep your emotions to yourself.. we are separated by that invisible wall you silently built out of doubts and suspicions... :(

20 October 2014, 07:19 AM
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1 love: Rarizukii
2 comments: jasminarts072,bittersweet_symphony
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of broken wings and faded halos....

20 October 2014, 06:50 AM
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i miss you mommy... but it seems like i don't exist anymore... it's been years since we've talked.. you don't respond to my messages... you told me i was your angel.. but i lost my wings because of you... my halo has faded... my heart was broken..

29 September 2014, 08:13 AM
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one sip is not enough.. i took the swing.. forced myself to reach the sky.. but it wasn't high enough to feel the wind rush under my wings.. i summoned you.. but you were too cold to answer.. .

20 August 2014, 09:21 AM
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2 loves: My_Curent_Feelings,runawayskipper
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"that moment when i asked you for an appointment so that we can talk and then you replied: you can see or call me anytime... a couple of months later.. i saw this.. while browsing my chat box.. me: blah..... blah.... blah..... blah..... sent july 30, 2013. you: seen, january 1 thank you so much for putting on an extra effort not to make a reply....

25 February 2014, 03:01 PM
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1 love: My_Curent_Feelings
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lost memories from you..

sigh... yesterday.. i lost my 7-year old, reconstructed nokia 6100 classic bar phone which by the way has a set of faded keypads and a discolored casing... i was supposed to buy a new one last year.. but i can't seem to let go of this phone (not until now... when i finally realized it is over).. i found a friend because of this unit.. we reached that sort of "mother and daughter relationship because of the everyday conversations we used to have... but i guess it is time for me to let go of th...

31 January 2014, 02:12 PM
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2 loves: carryheart,penmagic
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i now have a fever... i wanted to take a rest.. but i couldn't.. my mind is still bothered with all those thoughts of you.. of how you held my hands when i feel so down and left out.. those rare hugs you gave when i felt unloved.. it's been years.. but i still miss you mommy... it felt like were several seas apart when in fact we live at the same town.. . it made me feel more ill knowing that you are happy doing your thing.. . and worse.. forgetting everything about me.. . i should have never...

20 January 2014, 01:15 PM
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1 love: jasminarts072
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i am trying very hard to let you go.. so please stop invading my dreams...

06 January 2014, 04:55 AM
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5 loves: this-is-my-soul,fchouhdry0,mnjisjusttalking , ...
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to you my dear friend cimen.. i know that we are several miles away from each other.. just stay strong.. i might not be there to comfort you on this trying times.. but always remember what i have promised you before...

03 January 2014, 03:03 AM
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1 love: Rarizukii
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my little orange book

so the first page of my 2014 has started.. and as i sit here on my bed, i begin to look back and ponder on things that had happened with the last 365 days of my life... the story lines that i have written, the characters i have included, maintained and deleted.. the plot i have created and live with.. the twists and turn i took.. the favorite lines i frequently delivered.. and the wonderful memories i shared with the awesome people i have encountered.. i had blast last year..!!! and with that...

01 January 2014, 02:34 PM
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2 loves: carryheart,fchouhdry0
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