Journal_pane_9598671433892608

Letting it Out

I am a person who cries a lot. I cry when I get emotional from watching a sad movie, listening to music or when I'm in a situation where I feel emotionally frustrated and hurt. I always felt that by crying, it was a sign of weakness. A sign that I was too weak to suck it up and that I wasn't strong. Crying can be humiliating. It is vulnerable and embarrassing. But no matter how much you don't want to cry, how much you want to keep those feelings bottled in, there is only a limit to how fa...

10 June 2015, 12:30 AM
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1 love: CarinaTeal
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Journal_pane_9598671432434862

Days like Today

I don't normally write personal anecdotes on here but today I just felt like I had to. That I needed to write this or tell someone how I am feeling now. I am currently a student studying for finals and for the past couple of days I had been in a bad relationship with my parents. And I couldn't help but feel angry at them and at myself for a whole week. Today, we were going to eat out to celebrate my cousin's college graduation. I told my parents I didn't want to go and made an excuse not to...

24 May 2015, 03:34 AM
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Journal_pane_9598671424665987

Life is Strange

Life is strange. But I can make it worth it.

23 February 2015, 04:33 AM
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1 love: blizzard_in_paradise
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Journal_pane_9598671422931876

Making a Difference

I look at my past years. I see how much has changed. How much time and past events have changed me. How I have changed myself. I am no longer that person looking in the mirror years ago. I am a different person. And sometimes I can't even recognize myself. For years I've been searching to find out what kind of person I am and what I should be. I've been searching for what I truly want out of my life. I've been searching for what would I do to contribute to my family, my society and to myself....

03 February 2015, 02:51 AM
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2 loves: Commando,belleestilloso
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Journal_pane_9598671415735803

What is your diary?

A place for comfort. A place to let your feelings out. A place where you feel safe to express yourself. A place to communicate with someone. A place to record ideas and thoughts. A place to record memories. A place where you can reflect. A place to listen to what you have to say. Your diary is you. Life has its greatest moments and its worst moments. Life can be our best friend or our worst enemy. But despite what troubles or worries, memories or unforgettable moments, pains or sorro...

11 November 2014, 07:56 PM
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2 loves: Commando,jarmmedallo
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Journal_pane_9598671410508902

Change

Sometimes I wonder if my smile is just a way to cover my pain. That when I laugh I'm trying to pretend I'm not crying inside. I've noticed myself smiling and laughing more often. And that I've been talking more openly to others. Yet it's odd. Am I truly pretending or am I truly happy? It's a scary change from feeling depressed and distant to a brighter, happier person. Change is something I can never entirely get used to. Some changes are good some are bad. But despite the changes, it is I wh...

12 September 2014, 09:01 AM
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1 love: depressing-philosopher
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Journal_pane_9598671405621028

I'm Hurt

I can't but feel hurt. I can't help but feel so worthless sometimes. I try to bring up a positive perspective, but what the hell I'm just pretending to be optimistic. I'm actually afraid. I'm actually not a good person. I'm so repetitive when it comes to this like pain or suffering. But I feel that the weight is really pushing down on me. My life is much easier than others who have it worse yet I can't help but feel that I'm in a lot of pain. Do I need help? Can I make it on my own? I'm scare...

17 July 2014, 07:17 PM
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4 loves: vcnurr,dhewanti_charina,your-lost-but-never-found , ...
1 comment: xhannahxx0
Journal_pane_9598671405488025

Suffering

I don't know if I have suffered enough or if there will be more suffering to come down the road. Outside I pretend that it's alright but inside my broken heart cries. I can't be loved by anyone if my heart isn't truly whole. I can't be cared or trusted by anyone if I can't even trust myself. Am I truly suffering? There are others for a fact that suffer more than I do. I'm weak. I'm a shame to living. If I can't overcome my pain, my fears, my problems, what good am I to continue living? I fe...

16 July 2014, 06:20 AM
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1 love: your-lost-but-never-found
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Journal_pane_9598671405439158

My Protection

I have a layer over myself, used to defend and protect myself from others. I have this protection to keep me from sadness, pain, and anger. This protection makes me feel or seem strong, but the truth of it is, I'm not. I have no strength to back me up truly. I am only filled with fear, anger, cowardliness, and selfishness. I am not a good person no matter how much I pretend or try to be. I'm always scared. Running away. That's why I stay behind a shield to keep me from being hurt. Does...

15 July 2014, 04:46 PM
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4 loves: your-lost-but-never-found,depressing-philosopher,rhonadam , ...
1 comment: rhonadam
Journal_pane_9598671404020391

Reaching the other side

I feel like I've been running away all this time. No matter how much I try to hide, ignore the troubles, the past, I'm always trying to find a way out. I don't face my ocean of troubles and what is in front of me. I try to run because I know I can't cross that ocean without drowning. I'm afraid. I can't accept my own reality. I can't face myself. No matter how much i try to escape, I know that I have to face that ocean someday. I know that I need to gather the courage to reach the shore and...

29 June 2014, 06:40 AM
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3 loves: bywayofhumanconditionMELI,cmcginnmm2,bittersweet_symphony
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Journal_pane_9598671400640048

Being Ugly Hurts

I want to talk to you but I'm afraid you won't like me as the person as I am. I feel like I'm not worth it and that getting to know me is just a waste of time for you. I've wanted to talk to you for so long. What am I supposed to do when I can never find the courage to say the words I want to say to you? I want to talk to you. Is it right for me, this ugly person that I am, to get to know you?

21 May 2014, 03:40 AM
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2 loves: your-lost-but-never-found,shewillbeloved
4 comments: nushka6,myformofescape , ...
Journal_pane_9598671400463486

My Dad

I have problems communicating to my dad. I admit I've done some pretty stupid shit and I've disappointed him so many times. At home usually I don't talk to him at all. And I realize that not communicating with your father is a bad thing. But whenever I do its criticism then making me feel stupid. I don't know exactly what to do. I am afraid yeah I'm a coward. I'm afraid of being hurt again which is why I close myself off. And I am afraid of hurting or disappointing him even though I stil...

19 May 2014, 02:38 AM
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3 loves: mdrollamas,diana_jasso,wadneybunny
2 comments: mdrollamas,WhereMyMindWanders
Journal_pane_9598671400031838

I Hate

I hate feeling sad and cold when I know I really just want to feel warm and happy. I always seem to be the unlucky one, being let down all the time. Putting myself in that position. I want to live normally. I want to view myself with a more positive outlook. I want to tell myself that I am worth it. But I hate it when you find yourself trapped in your past. Trapped in your past actions. Trapped in those past events that have changed you so much. I am not the person I was yesterday. What am I...

14 May 2014, 02:44 AM
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2 loves: fakesmile,your-lost-but-never-found
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Journal_pane_9598671400029804

Games

I don't know what kind of game you are playing. I don't know if you are just faking it with me or you are really like this to me. But please stop trying to act like a bitch. I'm sick and tired of seeing the same attitude from you. Stop doing the same things over and over to me. You think I don't notice this? You think I'm blind? I know how you act. So stop using me if you truly don't want to be with me. I'm not going to replace your loneliness. I'm not perfect and don't expect me to be. I ...

14 May 2014, 02:10 AM
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1 love: depressing-philosopher
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Journal_pane_9598671399240754

People think

People think I'm smart. People think I'm well known. People think I look alright. People think I'm weird. People think I'm nice. People think I'm strange. Whatever these people think, they don't know who I am. My face may or may not show it, but they can never understand how I feel. I'm by myself. I'm not who exactly you think I am. I'm just a person. A person who wants to let everything out. And to stop everything. And be able to live my life. And not feel so tired, hurt, sad, angry, de...

04 May 2014, 10:59 PM
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9 loves: papermeetlife,ThatsJustMe,bordzkris189 , ...
1 comment: ThatsJustMe
Journal_pane_9598671399240167

I'm Tired

Why can't I ever try and be selfish for myself? Seeing how there are so many people out there who get what they want at other people's expenses and stay happy makes me sick. I'm tired of seeing the same people in my life doing the same things that just aren't right. I'm tired of the people who are so fake. I'm tired of everything that goes on in my life. My life isn't important so why must I live on? If I truly am given the opportunity to live, then why is it a life where people like me hav...

04 May 2014, 10:49 PM
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3 loves: 9Whats-Life9,ajones2506,kaitygumpgirl
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Journal_pane_9598671398746288

The Fake Front

You know that there are those people who pretend to be something that they aren't. People who act the way they want to but are actually different on the inside. Pretending to smile when you are actually hurting. Pretending to be social when you actually feel lonely and tired in the inside. These games are played so many times. Sometimes I don't know what to believe. But I know that I'm one of those people who has that fake front. To pretend and act like something they are not. Why can't the ...

29 April 2014, 05:38 AM
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1 love: rhonadam
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Journal_pane_9598671397797451

Betrayal

How can I trust someone like you if all you do is betray me? How can I trust you at all if all you keep doing is turning your back on me? I can't trust someone like you because you haven't been there for me. Maybe sometimes you were. But you truly weren't. I thought you could help me overcome my pain and help me be myself. I thought I could trust you and slowly open those doors that I closed so long ago. But I've never trusted you in the beginning. And I can never open those doors that will l...

18 April 2014, 06:04 AM
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2 loves: your-lost-but-never-found,bhale27639
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Journal_pane_9598671397010869

Holding back the Tears

My heart that has no words, slowly starts to move my feelings. Those times that slipped through are in my hands. Though it seems stupid, we're always together, the pain I want to let go and it dries the tears that flow through my body. I'm holding back the tears. I walk. Trying to lessen the weight of my heart to a place that is neither close nor far Where a different me stands. I will not cry. ~TVXQ

09 April 2014, 03:34 AM
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2 loves: krim2k,wadneybunny
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Journal_pane_9598671396317668

Alone

Nobody truly wants to be alone. Some people say they don't care if they are loners or that they don't mind being alone. Yet there are people like me who are too proud. People like me who think we are strong enough to handle things being alone. But we can never admit to anyone that we actually hate being lonely. That we actually really want to being able to depend on someone for once. Someone we can trust. Being alone is scary. Especially when you know that you are one of the lonely. But nobo...

01 April 2014, 03:01 AM
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4 loves: your-lost-but-never-found,medid89,rhonadam , ...
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