Very well then.

I havent written in awhile. Like really written. Thats come to my attention for two reasons. One because, its obvious by viewing this and Two feet in's postings. And Also because of the emails I have received. I stated in my past entry of what my upcoming plans are and the huge response I have gotten from that was enough to inspire me to again. Write. Im not promising constant feed. But a little more consistancy. Which might help me a little anyway. Considering how much I have been holding in...

08 January 2013, 08:34 PM
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Its been awhile.

I'm sure by now you all have noticed my youtube channel is no longer active. I am taking a break from vlogging for awhile to start yet again another journey in my life. I have been here for a few months now and after a close look at my reality, I have decided to take up the offer of my next "medical adventure" in America. That is right. I am returning to the states for as long as 8 weeks and after that, we shall see. And yes! for all of you who watched my last two very very awkward vlogs, Ta...

05 January 2013, 06:34 PM
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And still.

I know it.

01 November 2012, 03:38 AM
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When in Rome.

My daughter and i just woke up a bit ago. The air feels like ice, right from out of our blankets. We are driving out to Rome today to visit some family of mine and also Tatyanna's. This should be interesting. Hallows eve was typical here in this corner of the world. Quiet. NO CANDY. Which im ok with. I wanted to say the video I was trying to upload to youtube wasnt working out so i added it to vimeo. My vimeo is very outdated except for my last few uploads. So you can see me, destiny and taty...

01 November 2012, 03:33 AM
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...

This too shall pass.. Right?

30 October 2012, 11:28 PM
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One a.m

The weather here is ridiculous. Maybe I should have traveled to a sunnier situation. Its cold now. In just a few hours the sun will come up, and it will be cold still. I miss California. Im trying to adjust here and Im having some issues. This place has always held solitude for me. Not so much now. I would like to thank the few of you that came out. Siete tutti gli individui di grande fascino ed è stato un grande piacere vi incontro. E Jianni, tu sei un cuore dolce. Forse un giorno sarà piutt...

30 October 2012, 11:27 PM
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Rain. Makes It heavy.

And up she goes.... Up she goes. It wont ever go away. I know this. And its all something, Im not the only one who has to live with. My soul is hungry and its doesnt stop eating my insides.

30 October 2012, 11:14 PM
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Olga.

You know the feeling, of falling super fast from flight? Well, that has been the definition of me for a few days now. (this blog is set to california time in which i am currently not)... My YTube message inbox has been spammed. But according to quite a few of your comments and questions. There is a few things i should address. A larger part of you all is in my current location. And i have decided to take you up on that idea of meet and greet. Qui a Portofino!! I know specifically there is a h...

26 October 2012, 02:02 AM
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Mostly...

As far is the assumption of you, Regginss. I do agree. Its mostly toys r us. Or property sales. Same as before. I suppose. And you are right.... There is truth and there is feeling. Two of which are both very vague. And hard to dissolve when in a situation as such. Just as there is drowning, and being held under water. In the end. You have the same result. Im not going to say I was. Cause by all means, I was. However. I cant honestly say that I wasnt, now can I? Cause, I mean look....... An...

24 October 2012, 02:24 AM
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I do feel.

I would like to make this very loud and clear. The only fear I have is one. And that is the fear of losing. What I have. (Or maybe I already have) I dont fear the loss of an idea I had of someone from the past. But I do hurt because of it still. In A way. The past year of my life I have been consumed with so many different things. Which heeded nothing but the grey in life. And yes, black and white has always been more relevant to me than anything. All the while I do understand the mature and...

19 October 2012, 08:10 AM
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Look.

Its no surprise that I make things hard for myself. But maybe I make things hard for others too. I mean, I don't know what a perfect balance is suppose to be with anything. But as I have said before. Therapy doesn't teach about living in the grey. Only about, what is, and what isnt. Which makes things simple right? Cause in reality. It either is or it isnt? WRONG. It is what it isnt. Or it isnt what it is. And under, over around and in between. OH, but Melonie, you're just as simple as the a ...

19 October 2012, 07:15 AM
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The moment when.

You realize, what you thought you knew. Is wrong. Perhaps there's some hope to this. But it's really hard to turn my life over.

19 October 2012, 06:55 AM
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Hey guys.

I barely signed into my spot on blogger, and I'm happy to see your continuing support and nice comments, also its nice to see those negative nancies out there keeping their streek going. My life has been up and down lately. For those of you who left me some virtual love and appreciation on my bspot. I thank you :) And as for the better half. I thank you too. Nothing like a little Melonie bashing to lift my spirits. And its nice knowing that what i have written was worth you taking the time to...

10 October 2012, 04:16 AM
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Im a piece of work.

Each seam is crooked and awkward. Like a cheap sweater thats been shrunk in the wash. I guess thats just the story of me. Im a canvas of miss matching hues. Cluttered fabric, woven together like loose cannons. Ripped up pages of me adorn my insides. Like a sorry excuse of substance and belonging. My paper mache'd heart is lobsided, crippled and stapled together. Luckily its found its foundation of a perfect romance. Even though my face looks like a broken mosaic of my fathers eyes and my moth...

13 August 2012, 04:28 AM
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Waiting room spaces...

It's staring at me, Blank. Waves of fleeting idea and I scower through my brain for a sentences, curves and slants defining this void. Searching, I can't seem to find the right or interesting verb, Or was it a noun I long for? I want to stretch out every letter knot each one's end together and climb outside to meet you... But the words always escape me.

07 August 2012, 09:21 PM
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Another day.

But we are all just fault, pressed together, fragments that are waiting for meaning, and answers. But the truth will kill you, stop you dead mid step because we aren't supposed to understand why there is life, death and everything in between. Too soon sunrises and mascara marks on strange pillows happen, each fragile pigment is placed by coincidence and your laughter is something i ache for... And so i sit down and i look around me. Im totally separate from my surroundings. For a moment ju...

03 August 2012, 05:36 PM
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Breathing and blankets.

There is a reason why we move, limber and curved. Our bodies are made to bend fold in two. Until we are enveloped into one. I wish I could scribble in this story and rewrite me as the perfect role. And i would leave out the ending so all we could ever have is the beginning and our middle. Because, tragedy isn't supposed to force its way into the lungs of a healthy love story. And i dreamt of a summer night driving with wind in my hair and you in the drivers seat. We were going somewhere fast...

01 August 2012, 11:28 PM
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Beeeeeep.

There is something empty caged between my bones and muscle. And today, among these hard white sheets and the constant beeping that stands beside me, I wander into a place that sinks me. And deeply, oh so deeply. I want to run away from myself. And as I sink, I am half buried and when my words leak from the edges they will become the shovel in your hands. I am heavy, so heavy. I need some saving. But everyone needs saving. Everyone. In order to save you need to fight. But how do you fight when...

01 August 2012, 06:52 PM
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Somewhere that isnt here.

The "inbetween" phases of life, they say push and pull you, leading you to become disenchanted with reality, yourself. You find yourself forced into a nondescript room with no windows, alone, wondering why you forgot how to live, again. Its this time, the lull between monumental moments in our lives that force us to find a real meaning in our everyday life. A day without the extroardinary. A day without heartbreak is a day left to be judged by the mundane. Something that can disillusion an...

30 July 2012, 05:06 PM
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11:11

Everyday, i will continue to wait for that one minute. Where i can close my eyes tightly and whisper the same wish, I have been wishing all along...

30 July 2012, 05:28 AM
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