While walking to the gym, I hear my thoughts racing with words I cannot seem to understand. I am worried. I am always worried. There seems to be a fear embedded inside me that I cannot understand or control, and I hate not being in control. The fear is sometimes gripping to the point where I feel lifeless. But other times, the fear is active, like a darkness that is chasing me or driving me out of a peaceful place. I feel both fears, but cannot determine where it comes from. I feel the dar...

30 May 2015, 09:17 PM
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It's been a while, and although I've gone through every measure to make sure I don't feel this way, I miss you. I've been with enough people to know what's there and what isn't, and with us...it just is. At the height of "us", we connected on a level beyond what I could understand, and maybe that's what I held on to until you decided that we didn't look the same way at each other anymore. At first I felt liberated. I felt free from the chains of insecurity I was held down with. But now, I c...

17 May 2015, 08:05 PM
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19 February 2015

There are days that are sublime. The words come out of my mouth and I can't even believe half of them; god forbid, do I actually sound happy? Am I laughing? This must be a true feeling, I think to myself, and let the euphoria seep in giving me courage and hope. There are also days of gripping fear. Fear to wake up, fear to feel, fear to live. Days where death is as close as it gets to paradise. On those days, I am not sad, but more afraid. The fear of living...how is that? I simply cannot un...

18 February 2015, 07:53 PM
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31 October 2014

"I hate remembering who I am." It triggered like a knife that cuts through flesh: slowly, deeply then bleeding all at once. I couldn't even think or understand, I didn't know. You sat there angry, hitting what you can see, but what I felt was as if you wanted to hurt me because you couldn't understand what I didn't either. "Why can't you just pretend to be happy?" I didn't feel bad that you were emoting the way you did because it was me, it was my fault, my thinking, my problems, my person...

01 November 2014, 05:17 PM
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I finally found the courage. And you know what, it felt good.

07 August 2014, 02:36 PM
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I guess you can count on me to ruin everything for you.

01 March 2014, 03:56 PM
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I understand it now, the way I hate myself and punish myself for things I can't do. I can't do the things you like or want to do, so what will be left of us with the little left we share? I have never loved anyone or anything in the way that I do you because you are the one miracle in my life that makes everything seem worthwhile. I'm afraid that one day I won't make you happy anymore because of the things I can't do with you, so I let you have your fun even though it hurts for me to be witho...

16 February 2014, 09:32 AM
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You're such an insecure little shit.

14 February 2014, 11:25 PM
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21 December 2013

You tell me to brush things off like they're nothing, like there is nothing to be done. You tell me, "It's over. There's nothing you can do so move on." and it irritates me to the core of my being. I want to feel things, every minuscule moment, so that I know I'm alive. I hate that you can't understand and accept that about me. I NEED TO FEEL. I need it to exhaust out of my system, I want it to consume me. The pain, the love, the joy, the sadness, all of it. Because it matters. What would...

21 December 2013, 05:22 PM
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I once knew a girl who was terribly sad. It hurt to see the polarity in her face -- sometimes brightly happy, and other times despairingly sad. She didn't know why she felt the way she did. All she knew was that it felt good to stay where it was comfortable. No one understood it, not her and not even her boyfriend. She'd love him, but other times she'd push him away, too, but not because she didn't love him. Because she wanted to feel wanted. It hurt to witness the game she was playing. She...

15 November 2013, 12:43 PM
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1 love: his-girl99
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We were jogging around the village last night talking about everything, joking how we'd love to live there together. We passed by houses and critiqued them, saw empty lots and imagined houses on them. The way I felt was beyond me, it didn't freak me out. I've never been with someone where I didn't see its end except with you. I told you once that this kind of love comes once in a lifetime. I love you in every way that I can possibly capacitate, in every feeling that can be felt. I know it ...

07 October 2013, 04:15 PM
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Ours -- August 2013

I will love you creatively, In the way that my eyes see you as God s masterpiece. I will love you spiritually, In the way my soul believes that without you there would be no good, I will love you passionately, In the way my body will always search for yours. I will give you all I have And everything I dream to be. I will give you more than of what exists; I will give you me. Never missing from each other, I will give you me, Then we will be us And completely ours.

24 August 2013, 01:00 PM
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It makes me sad sometimes how I rely on a rainy day to make me happy, instead of going out of my way and making it happen for myself (because I have no time). It's like hopelessly waiting for the silver lining to glow from within the storm clouds, just waiting for something magical to happen, something that is meant only for me. Only for me without having to feel guilty for having something for purely myself again. It isn't selflessness anymore, I've come to believe that it's in between sel...

08 August 2013, 06:23 PM
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You know what, I'm tired. Thank you so, so much for your lack of sensitivity. Yes, because you're in a bad mood, everybody has to be, too. Have you forgotten to be kind? I give you all the kindness and love I can capacitate, and you make it seem like I don't have a limit. You make it difficult for me to be kind to you when you won't even so much as accept it. Yes, I'm tired. You're not the only one going through a lot.

22 May 2013, 02:05 PM
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It was nighttime with the shadows looming in your car while I was seated in the passenger's seat. I was telling you about how long we've officially been together...around 10 days, maybe 12? Then you looked at me and said, "But we're been together since February 14." That was the day we met.

01 May 2013, 05:43 PM
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"It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don’t really see ourselves. We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart. There’s no mirror in your way when you’re laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful ...

18 April 2013, 05:30 AM
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F

You scare me... You seem to seep into the tiniest crevices of my being and I am so exposed. You've experienced my crazy, and although it was difficult to handle at first, you got through it somehow. Now when I have the mean reds, you know what to say, and it scares me. I don't want you to hurt me. I like you, really like you, and I pray you don't hurt me. We share little bits of our souls to each other, however much you hate mushiness. We do. And I can be myself with you. Quiet. Moody. Happy....

30 March 2013, 08:19 AM
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Everything is as It should be I'm leaving now As I should be We're never gonna talk about it We're never gonna speak again All the things you've done Come to haunt me All that we can do Is smile It will be like this For a while

30 March 2013, 08:10 AM
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Everyone else was always a pond, but the ocean was always you.

29 March 2013, 01:35 PM
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It hurts that you can't accept me and everything that am and not. We keep taking two steps back because you can't accept my past. My past made who I am today, maybe a little broken but stronger, more loving, and complete. I'm trying to be a better person everyday for myself, for you and for the people around me. I just need to know you're going to try even a little bit, too.

28 March 2013, 06:31 AM
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