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please stop

Today I can't stop crying, like right now I feel like my head is going to explode because I can't stop crying which I really want to stop doing. I'm in college now, and in this very moment I feel like giving up, like dying in the fountain. I hate my mom in this moment because she choose to do the wrong thing and because of that I had to turn her away when I didn't want to i had to tell her that, that was it, i no longer wanted to be her daughter, I no longer wanted to be disappointed and hurt...

16 September 2014, 11:41 PM
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I'm Hazy

Its 3 am in the morning and I felt compel to spill my guts to whoever is reading this. So everything has changed in my life, since I moved out of my mothers house my life has been on a roller coaster. So much shit I swear. I'm in college right now and I have a crush on Alex Sansone, he's white, a badass, beautiful and kind to me and I like him a lot but theirs a blonde whose much prettier than me and he must like her. I'm black, short not a badass, with dreads and a little strange. He would n...

01 September 2014, 08:17 AM
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say goodbye

hey so hey life this is your girl saying goodbye. I'm letting go and living my life.

04 July 2014, 03:29 PM
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I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE

Right now I don't know what am feeing I have no money at all and I can't get to work on Sunday i hate my job because it pays little and I'm always on call meaning that you never get called in. I don't even know if i want to be alive anymore because to be honest it feels so much better when your asleep, to me its like dying, every time we sleep were dead. those are the happiest moments of my life when am sleeping because then I don't feel anything, i cant smell or hear anything, am just dead. ...

20 June 2014, 05:04 PM
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Alive or just breathing?

I think am just breathing because half the time I don't feel like am alive just walking this earth when I just rather be by myself on a beach somewhere...but then I remember my life's not that great.

30 May 2014, 01:51 AM
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Not Again

I feel like those feelings are coming back again, the ones when I start to not like food which leads to me not eating which then leads to depression. I feel like am on a roller coaster one minute the I want to eat whatever is put in front of me and then the next minute I want to dump it all in the trash. Am not fat at all but am no size two. I guess I should be happy with my body but who am I kidding no matter how many times I look in the mirror and admire what they "claim they all wish they ...

30 May 2014, 01:49 AM
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Well Hey There?

its been a long time since I've posted since june of 2013 and now its almost june of 2014. So much of changed. I turned 18 and moved out my crazy mother house! and now am looking through glitter eyes because even though many times I wanna kill my mom for not giving me the life that other "normal" kids have am still thankful for the abuse because I left and that's all that matters :) my life is 10x's better than it was like 6 years ago. I've learned to grow up faster than a lot of kids and am ...

30 May 2014, 01:30 AM
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WOW?

It's been so long diary, I sorta forgot about you :/ well quick update since I last posted; I found out I failed my algebra 2 class and now am currently retaking it as an 12th grader boomer /: I'm kicking ass in school although it's killing my nerves!! anyway I ran away from home because I hate me mom and as am currently typing this she's getting on my last nerves I still despise her and wish she wasn't my mom. I ran away from home to a happy place and had to come back home because monster de...

28 October 2013, 09:24 PM
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OMG!!!!

I haven't updated in FOREVER sorry people well anyway let me update you guys!!. things have been going great, my grades or great, summer is right around the corner and i cannot wait, i signed up for this accounting program at this college and i got accepted yay me! I might have a summer internship not sure yet but cross your fingers . OOOH EXCITING NEWS!! this will mark the 3rd week without any masturbation and no porn yay me!! So proud of myself, i hope to go another 2 more months and really...

02 June 2013, 08:08 PM
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*Sigh*

so it's official all the BS my sister and mom have been putting me through is finally over, meaning that i am D-O-N-E! I just don't have time for that life, oooh and I'm also cutting off my "so called friends" because all they do is talk "S" about me so that's done I'm gonna kill all the people who done me wrong with silence it's time for everyone to get a taste of their own medicine. Oh and remember that guy i told you guys about "Emory" welllllll for some reason i have this feeling in my gu...

24 May 2013, 11:27 PM
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I'm Alive but falling for the wrong guy

Ok so I know I haven't updated in a while but I like to wait until something actually happens in my life, because as you all know my life is super boring wit a CAPITAL B! so theirs this really cute guy name Emory at my school he's really cool and we're like super close as friends but I have a feeling he likes me but that's just so crazy like seriously Emory liking me. but important thing about him he is a female dog and he's sex like a manic HELLO can anyone say like TOTALLY not my type but h...

23 May 2013, 03:35 AM
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hell hole save me please

Sooooo let me tell you guys why I'm going to hell. I am seriously a biopolar bitch lik le seriously i dont know what the hell im doing with my life i feel like im on a roller coaster! I say the word shit ass and bitch most of the days and thats horrible. I dont know what im doing with my life, i feel like i am borderline crazy and all i have to do is cross that line and then i cant get saved anymore. I want to be better but i always fall right back off, i might be good for weeks and months ...

18 May 2013, 02:21 AM
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OMG!! DID I DIE

So I know! sorry sorry, you guys probably thought i died or something, i haven't updated in a while sue me but my life is pretty pre occupied O__O. so i take my ACT in June can't wait hope i get a 21 or above that's what am aiming for. School is a bust i failed my english paper i got a 67% on it, but i can always re-do it so yeahh.. and i have a 40% in math, how horrible i know but i can always bring that up like i always do before the quarter ends. I did one of my college essays, and i have ...

14 May 2013, 10:19 PM
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ahhhhhhhhh

i really need to start updating more! :/ but anyway update. i masturbated again on monday twice! and watch porn I feel so icky :/ but anyway I'll try not to again. Iv'e dealing with masturbation for years so even though sometimes i go months without doing it, and then theirs just time when i do it like once a week, its still hard to ignore that buzzing feeling in your head that you need to stick your hands inside your pants. but I'll just keep asking god for the strength to resist. but life i...

08 May 2013, 10:04 PM
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Major Update

sooooooooooooooo, its been like a week since I haven't updated, so I'm here to fill you in on all the juicy details of my life. So for the last two years I've been living in a basement with me, my mom and sister it was really bad we had no windows so it was always dark, soooo long story short we we're going through a rough patch in our life and we we're poor so we got kicked out of our apartment. BUT NOW! we found a nice little duplex house and its amazing! we have tons of windows in our hous...

04 May 2013, 12:49 PM
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ARGGGGG!!

so I just masturbated like 40 minutes ago it was a quickie but I'm still disappointed in myself that I did, but hopefully I'll recover from this. Compared to last year and 2 months ago it was pretty bad but I'm taking it one day at a time. PS: I watch lesbian pornography but the thing is I'm strictly dickey, I have no intentions of being with a girl, and when I have my fantasies its always with a guy (which is also bad, that's me committing adultery). but as I said again I'm taking it one day...

28 April 2013, 07:20 PM
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Shows up

so i don't know why I haven't gotten it in my head that I serve an awesome god when I think back over these past few week on how good god has been to me, it's truly amazing. and it seems all this time god was trying to teach me patience and that things just don't happen over night. Every time that I prayed for something are to find something god has always come true. for me it's those little things that count like losing my flashdrive, my favorite shoes or pencil that when I pray and god answ...

28 April 2013, 02:42 AM
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What if?

we had an house instead of an apartment, what if she wouldn't let me down, what if she didn't break her promises, what if she would stop having regrets. I just wish sometimes that god would show me, maybe I'm not looking for the answer or maybe I don't want to listen sometimes I wish it was much easier that things didn't change. I had this summer planned out perfectly and now everything just got swept right out from underneath my feet. I need god, I wish.... I wish everything would just be al...

27 April 2013, 02:37 PM
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Turning Around

So I had an AMAZING day I went to the water park with my school today and it was amazing, I wore a full bathing suit today for the first time without any cover up and I felt so confident, super plus! :) my friend kelsie really erked me with her stupid boyfriend they both deserve each other (egotistic, self centered and obsessed with being perfect). I thought I was getting a job for the summer but apparently I don't think so. I hope that things get brighter for me, I'm tired of settling for th...

27 April 2013, 12:51 AM
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Yeah it was ok

So today was an pretty awesome day apart from the discomforting cramps and severe headaches that made me want to hurl; as the day went on everything got better. I had PT today and it was pretty awesome I was able to get through all the task by myself without stopping (BONUS!) (my sister and I hanged all day). then after PT I grabbed lunch with my sister THEN! boring stuff in between! OH BTW I got a job! how awesome :) anyhoo I got the bathing suit I had been wanting since last week. and then ...

24 April 2013, 12:44 AM
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