Journal_pane_9027241431551020

where are you?

Is love overrated? How is one loved perfectly? What does it feel like? Will it feel nice when someone touches me? Can I touch as well? Is it friendly or a whole different level? If that son of a bitch who is going to love me someday is reading this, teach me please. I'm like a five year old; naive, clueless and curious. I know I'll regret every guy I haven't kissed when I wanted to, when I come to my golden years. So please, I know I don't, but if you have the guts, come and kiss me. Kiss ...

13 May 2015, 10:04 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241430668197

little feels.

I love it when I find people with the same music taste I have. It's not hard since I love pop ballads and indie alternatives (like the rest of Spotify and 8tracks users which consists of 14-20 year old young spirited hipsters) But I have the cutest and most simple joy when I find a song on someone playlist that I listen to a lot. I don't mean I feel like that when Love Me Like You Do comes up since it's on every playlist these days but when I hear The One That Got Away all spontaneously I get...

03 May 2015, 04:50 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241427492026

body image vol.1

so there's this girl in my gym class. She's like, I'm not body shaming here please don't judge me for saying this, overweight. I am overweight as well, however I can dress from any clothing stores, where in her case I don't think its that easy. I am always feeling bad about my size and I am always my worst enemy when it comes to criticising my own being. But this girl, you have to see her in fit dance class. She moves like its nobodies business. The teacher can't move it like she can. Every t...

27 March 2015, 09:34 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241424540521

Escape.

I'm tired of writing about him. I know nobody gives a fuck about my thoughts about him anymore but I still have to go through this and it sucks to live this over and over, everyday. Today my mother decided not to talk to me, in order for me to talk to my father. The very own man that avoids me everyday. When I tell him something he is like "Wait you were talking to me?" his life is slipping through his fingers and he is not aware of it because of the fucking stock market and his family that h...

21 February 2015, 05:42 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241424382972

It doesn't hurt me anymore. Turns out people I love I hurt more than I am.

I want this to end. Today. All this pain. All these fights. All this "unhappiness". I don't think I'm someone hard to get along with. But with him, no I can't. He is seriously not my type of person. He never was. He never cared. He fooled himself many, many times. I did as well. But it's enough. You can hurt me, but not the ones I love the most. I never thought I'd hear the words "I actually thought about leaving and never coming back" from a mouth thats not mine. Tears never hurt me before. ...

19 February 2015, 09:56 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241422791028

people say ‘I love you’ in a lot of different ways

'eat something' 'buckle up' 'get some sleep' 'here have my fries' 'Im gonna draw you something' "You’re a dork" 'Be safe' 'You can have the last slice' 'did you get home okay?' 'You're stupid you know that right?'

01 February 2015, 11:43 AM
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Journal_pane_9027241422787473

Dreamy Hedgehogs.

I remember a couple of stuff I did in my dreams last night. I remember a guy, yet I don't remember a face, who was kissing my neck and I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it. I'm still wondering who that was, whom I was dreaming of. Second one was a couple of friends of mine showing up in my house and literally a second later my parents coming home. Like seriously karma, my parents have to be the party bummer even in my dreams? I'm not extremely sure but I think the guy and I were in college. Second ...

01 February 2015, 10:44 AM
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Journal_pane_9027241422659228

I'm sick of it.

Three days left until my semester break ends. I just want college to start already. It was such a depressing holiday that I wish I never experience such thing ever in my life. I don't think I've cried so much in my life. It's almost pathetic now. Worst feeling of all times; losing what you have, and not realising it was important back then. It can be a person, a state of life, anything. I hate this feeling. I just want to start with my life already. Get a degree, have a job, be the next mi...

30 January 2015, 11:07 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241421401827

The art of bitchy thinking

"So yea I'm buying some books urgently so if you have books that you want quickly, like emergency, I can buy them." "No thanks I don't have any books I have to buy immediately." I have a list of books, something like twenty, I've been telling him about it for months. Yet he still tries so hard to be a jerk to me, he can only help me with the "urgent" ones. It was urgent five months ago. Now it's just sad. PS. one of the books on my list. I'll probably say "screw it" and try to find an onl...

16 January 2015, 09:50 AM
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Journal_pane_9027241420849491

Moment of pride over here

Okay I'll have my moment now. I know I'm not someone cold when it comes to social interactions. A close friend of mine just started dating with this gorgeous girl, and I can't describe how happy I am for him. You know I always talk about my group of friends, and I have a lot of guy friends and I'm proud of it. I feel so lucky to have them because I always have someone who can look at another perspective for me. So back to the topic, he wanted me to be the first one meeting his girlfriend whic...

10 January 2015, 12:25 AM
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Journal_pane_9027241420764187

Holy Shit

Okay so I've never opened up this page so quickly in my life. I spent the day watching Ed Sheeran videos like, A LOT OF VIDEOS it's not even funny anymore. I only stopped watching when I went to the gym for like 90 minutes and it was so upsetting that I couldn't listen to his songs because they didn't help me get in the whole gym mood. HOWEVER when I came back from the gym, I obviously started browsing again and just when I was finished through a 40 minute "funny Ed Sheeran videos compilatio...

09 January 2015, 12:43 AM
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Journal_pane_9027241419623893

It's been a long time.

I've missed this. I've been trying to write since I've started to university, tons of things have changed. Firstly, I'm closer with my friends than ever. High school friends are loyal if you are loyal to them. Secondly, college friends are fun. Seriously, they are a whole new way of hanging out, cool ^.^ Thirdly, I've missed my best friend who is studying in Canada. I have my sisters here but she, I can't function problem-free without her. I know I make her feel bad by saying this but I wish...

26 December 2014, 07:58 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241410301905

Changing or witnessing change. Both sound terrifying to me.

I can't believe it was this easy to change. People I called my friends, my family are now nobody for me. The guys I've always been talking about; don't even call or text. I don't just feel, I know I'm their backup friend which can be the worst thing someone can do ever. Caring when you need them. And the worst part is, they are now hanging out with the people that they once stated "stupid, don't like them at all blah blah blah" which breaks my heart into a million pieces. I've never experienc...

09 September 2014, 11:31 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241408960515

Happy - er

Summer. I definitely needed summer. Ever since I've been to Izmir, I've stopped crying, whining, getting depressed, all of them. I have a friend here whom I love, we actually act like an old lesbian couple because we do everything together, we always hang with each other and we play cards together. Last week her boyfriend came to make a surprise to her, whom was also really sweet, we hanged around like a silly gang and it wasn't even weird at all. At first I was a little upset because I knew ...

25 August 2014, 10:55 AM
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Journal_pane_9027241405342430

Guys, good news, I think I'm a fuck up.

I am both disrespectful, miles away from being kind, and selfish all at the same time. Yea I'm worried about my future no thanks to you. I need a little respect but all I get is how I've changed and how I should have been a better lady. Well fuck ladies. I'd rather cut my hair and draw myself a moustache and grow a pair than act like polyanna about my future and cry in my room when nobody is home. (Shane Dawson - Fuck Up great song!) Ps. I'm still stressful. And my family is on a whole di...

14 July 2014, 01:54 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241405203634

High school hasn't ended yet.

Love is weird, right? I started to feel uncomfortable about sexual/romantic labels but because of the topic I can say that I'm a sapiosexual, which if you're not used to my diary entries, means that I'm attracted to intelligence. It basically means that even though looks, interests and other stuff may or may not have an impact on the attraction, the biggest attraction of mine goes to the smartest. (kindness too but shh) There was this boy in my class, when I was a freshman in high school. I k...

12 July 2014, 11:20 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241404993137

Eyes.

(College presentations day, with a friend) (Two college students approach) Them: Hi! So how are the scores? He: 11K (Male college student starts talking to him about the machine engineer program) Me: 28K (Female college student looks at me in a really weird way and I take my sunglasses off) She: Hey put those back on. Me: Why? She: You have pretty eyes don't let bad people see them. Okay she was nice. But she didn't have to make it obvious that my score wasn't worth talking about. E...

10 July 2014, 12:52 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241404599036

Today's Theme: Turn-ons for me

So I think the past school year and the power of actually feeling wiser about my own feelings have made me realise a thing or two about my own heart and the things that make it turn-on and turn-off. Phew that was a long sentence. So, you know I haven't loved anyone in the sense of boyfriend ever in my life. Did I turn some people down, yes but please bitch I got class. Just kidding I'd never do that but it's just, I'd know if I'd love them or not you know, and I honestly knew that I wouldn't ...

05 July 2014, 11:24 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241404424894

Words strong enough to give me shivers.

Words strong enough to give me shivers.

03 July 2014, 11:01 PM
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Journal_pane_9027241404424540

it's time to write a thing or two.

the past month's complexity level = over 9000 I took my second base exams. I sucked. I can't even get accepted to my safety schools. But on the good side, this fact is only true about computer engineer faculties. Which means, if I can study better next year (which is a must at this point) I can pass to the computer engineer faculty. It needs hard work but, nothing much I can do. I have to be working my butt off next year. I actually had my eye caught on math. engineer faculty but today a re...

03 July 2014, 10:55 PM
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