My first true and last love

When I was in junior high,I met him.We are both shy.We act so similar that attracts me so much.I start studying 1year advance so I don't met him before when I was in Philippines.I repeat grade3 here in Japan.But when I got back,my old classmates were 2nd year and me was 1st year.He talked to me after school.I intentionally cleaned room everyday just to be with him without noticing by others.I went here because I think I have more future in Japan.I left him....it was a very hard decision.I let...

21 June 2014, 05:59 PM
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2 loves: itaaji94,tanci94
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My theme now

To live positive.I feel I can live now positively.This makes me feel weird.If the past me I'll say easily that this is impossible!I will run far far away,but never get far from problems.*haha*What is my next chapter of my life?"To be continued..."I hate this part when watching One Piece(anime).Happy or sad ending?It can't be helped, if I go to hell.I really deserves it.I feel really weird.I don't feel any fear.This is me before.It can't be helped,I'm not used to it already.I am soooo.... car...

14 June 2014, 06:05 PM
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Found my answer nearby

I believe that we are revived.When I was child,my instinct told me that I once came here.That I lived in this world before.My instinct also told me that I'm finding something here,and I already found it.I grew with faith in god.One thing I was searching in his taught is why we are living?We can't live forever.We will die eventually.What is the purpose of living?It was easy.Finding our true happiness.He already taught us all the answers.Love others like ourselves.All of his taught was all an a...

14 June 2014, 05:27 PM
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1 love: pious.fiend
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It's just a trial

It will past eventually,but never stop coming.In my case,it's getting more and complicated.Cheering up myself always.I have to be strong.No one can help me.I have been living this way since child.No one will be my ally.They'll just give me more pain.I want to start again from zero.Everything is new and no one knows about me and I don't know about them either.Now is not that important to me.The thing that is important to me now is my future.Because everything that I have now will lose eventual...

10 June 2014, 03:04 PM
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Dear Diary

I want to cheer-up by somebody,but that somebody hurts you more with her words.I don't think she's my friend.I feel cold.I'm alone once again.Did I ask too much?I know I'm so weak and pathetic.So from now on again,I won't trust,wish,love and expect anymore.I will love and care myself from now on.It's just like before.I'll rule myself.Rule all my negative thoughts and fear.Don't need to rely anyone just only myself.I can do anything.I won't escape or suicide anymore.I'll face myself again.I wo...

07 June 2014, 04:56 PM
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Dear Diary

My bf break-up with me today.I asked him why,and he told he that he don't love me anymore.I told him "I won't give up" and run away.I'm aware that he acts to me cold lately.He just answer me "yes","no","maybe","haha right"(in Japanese).I thought,maybe he just have a problem.I don't know what to do that time.I know that I must let him go.Let him go to someone he can really be happy.I'm selfish,*hahaha* I know.Maybe he just think that I'm poor.He just acted to me good.It's not love,I know it no...

06 June 2014, 04:58 PM
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Dear Diary

I know how weak I am,but I don't want to accept it.I wish that oneday I will accept all my mistakes.Not accepting it is a sure a big burden .I'm ashamed and feel pathetic of myself.I feared to make mistakes.I'm pressuring myself to be perfect,that never will happen.My hero of my life told me these words"Your imperfection makes you perfect"(He is my friend that saved me from darkness.I told him my story.)When I heard that, I simply agreed with it without thinking.That time all my burden flashe...

05 June 2014, 03:26 PM
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Dear Diary

I know I will never be perfect,but still hoping for perfection.I really hate my reflection.I got a bit confidence since I lose weight.But not enough at all.I can't look at my pictures.I feel I'm not back at all.No idea when I will get slim face.I'm just basing my diet with my face.So sad looking myself on the mirror.It was hot today.Like a summer here in Nagoya Japan.No wind during afternoon.I wish to rain.I can't study even I planned to.

03 June 2014, 04:06 PM
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Dear Diary

My adviser is totally weird.He talks too long.We talk the same topic again and again.I know that this college's average is high.I don't underestimate it at all.But he is telling his opinion that don't underestimate it that I know.He is the one who underestimates me,that seriously pisses me.Do I look don't know about collage?I searched a lot because he told me to,and what the heck he is telling to me.Seriously why we did take a long time just for that.I don't want to have meeting with my advis...

02 June 2014, 04:49 PM
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Dear Diary

Got tired of crying this week every night.Maybe I'll work on my diet for now.My face is not slim yet at this time.Maybe I just have to wait for it.Well,worrying on something that not yet happened is sure tiring.We can't change what will happen to future.So finally back to normal,after being stock again in dark this week.Finally I can go to school again tomorrow.So lucky this weekend.My mom had a good mood.I'm the only one that is blue.But try to have high tension even I'm not.It made my heart...

01 June 2014, 03:59 PM
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Dear Diary

I don't know what will happen to me tomorrow.I don't know how long I can live.But this year,it makes me feel uneasy.14....this number.April14 I thought that maybe something will occur,but it past with nothing.I'm injured at the very first day of this year.Maybe I'm just thinking too much.My birthday is August 18.When I was 14 turning 15 my grandma died 4 days before my birthday.I got a feeling my birthday will be mess this or next year.I'm turning17 this year and on next year is 18,that my de...

31 May 2014, 05:50 PM
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Dear Diary

Don't make them label your worth.Don't accept or believe of what they labeled to you.Most of all,don't do that yourself. Believe that we worth more than them.Because we can have a meaning if we make it mean.Do it for yourself,not for others.Don't care to people that threatens you.Care only the precious one or the right one.Life is short,live free.We don't know what could happen.

30 May 2014, 05:45 PM
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Dear Diary

This day ends with nothing.Everything went good.But I can't deny my hatred for this cruel world.I'm an anime otaku,I watch it because most of all,they made me forget reality.Even what genre is it.Even gross.The only thing that I assure that I can't lose is internet.If I lose it,it's like I lose my bf*my life*.Well my bf is sure more painful,but they are both the only thing I have now.The people who are not loved or care by family like me.I don't know how I was lucky when I'm with my grandma.I...

30 May 2014, 04:08 PM
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Dear Diary

The time I realize when everything got to a good place,but someone or something ruin it.Why my only ally now is I think my bf.I don't tell this,but he will notice me.He don't need to ask or tell a word.He gives me his chest to cry.He comforts me,and I realize this is*My only precious place*I will definitely miss him when I go back Philippines.His sweet voice,his smile,the things he don't even realize he does is everything that completes me.I can't lose him.I don't know what will happen to me ...

29 May 2014, 03:06 PM
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Dear Diary

Since the day before yesterday my father calls me.Well he is rejected to my phone.That make me piss a lot.Maybe my father's karma isn't just ending by being apart from us.For the sin that he did to me.I'm sexually abuse from him when I was child.My life ruined,I got broken,the scars that will remain forever in my heart is deep.My childhood ended up so fast. It's lie if I don't want to forgive him even a little,but my hatred to him won't fade.I know his personality,that's why I shouldn't give ...

29 May 2014, 02:48 PM
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Dear Diary

I feel I don't really have home.My sister,mom and me.I feel we're not family anymore.I feel there is incredibly great distance between 3 of us.I finally now realize,they don't treat me as a family anymore.There is no more love.I don't feel that, here is my home.So I always say"I wanna go home" .My weird habit for a long time.I always realize that I'm already there while telling it.I have no place here.I wanna leave here,because I feel lonely,even not alone.1and 2/3 left.I feel long of it so m...

28 May 2014, 03:32 PM
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Dear Diary

When you got even better and everyone change their points of view to you.I'm happy,but also disappointed, that everyone matters your look than yourself.When I think there is someone hurt just because of their look or on something that wrong with them.I feel myself before now.World is cruel yet beautiful.When I think there is someone disappointed on this cruel world,that he/she thinks that living is more painful than dying like I thought.When you don't care someone or anything anymore,you're g...

27 May 2014, 03:19 PM
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Dear Diary

I seriously blushed when my bf told me seroiusly"kawaii"or cute.When I was telling my math grade is 85.I was regretfully told to him that all subject was line of 9 but math was....He is telling me that I'm seriously down just for that thing.That is seem cute to him.Well, I just don't want to lose to anyone.It makes me feel that everyone will talk about it.I don't want that kind of attention.

26 May 2014, 03:02 PM
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Dear Diary

Getting skinny is so fun.*lol* Can't believe that I am getting back.It's like a dream.I usually arrange my hair with twin tails,but today just simply pony tail it.^_^Getting envious of a girl that is tall like as a model with small dolly face.I feel I saw an angel or a fairy.The sweet fragrance of raspberry suits to her very much.I feel lucky today.I don't go out with mom,just with his friends to go to chapel.I don't went chapel for almost a year because of so busy with my part time job,schoo...

25 May 2014, 01:15 PM
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Dear Diary

Went out with my sister.Eat at a family restaurant peacefully.When mom is not with us,we can live so peacefully.However,just thinking if I'll have a surgery with my ears.My ears are like Mickey mouse.Well I put on my hands and see how it looks.I feel it's not me.I get uglier,and feel so strange of what I saw on the mirror, and tell to myself"maybe I'll just fix my right ear's shape".My right ear is sharper because of an excess skin?Well that is only my problem now.My dad once tried to cut t...

24 May 2014, 04:19 PM
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