Dear Diary

Today I saw a really beautiful girl.I can even tell her as a living fairy.How beautiful is she?A Japanese Gemma Ward.They are both have a very pretty doll face.I'm working now to have a fair white skin.Actually my skin color is different by parts.*hahaha*Especially my face and neck is so different.Why?I just noticed that everyone puts on a sun screen but me.....Too many things that I don't know....Dreaming that day that I got back to normal.See everyone in Philippines caused I missed them,als...

23 May 2014, 02:22 PM
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Dear Diary

Today I curl my hair.I put on a natural pink gloss.I see my face on the mirror so long and went to school.I feel everyone's point of view changed in the school.They stare me long that bothers me.I am so tensed today.I feel I'm back on my past.I feel I'm in the flashback.When I was in Phlippines.My first love.Unfortunately it not ended up with a crush,we talked a lot and been together after school.I'm not a cleaner,but because I want to be with him,I stay and clean the room intentionally every...

22 May 2014, 03:06 PM
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Dear Diary

Others told me that skinny is gross in Japan.But I really wanna be skinny.I can't give up something just to keep them feel well.I think it is not bad to improve yourself.Others tell that you should be loved the way you are.But actually if you aren't good side nobody notice you.Nobody get interested with you.I feel sad but it's true.If you don't have it like me when I was child,you get bullied.If you only have that it gives you more confidence.

21 May 2014, 02:57 PM
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Dear Diary

Finally tests are finished.I feel my brain can't memorize anymore.I want to see the results, but I don't want to despair.I feel every tine the test got over,I have some serious depression.First I did my best to be 1st and to be loved.Now is different,I feel pressure and I think I have to get 1st always.I don't want to lose,not the test the people around me.

20 May 2014, 03:05 PM
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Dear Diary

My test is always regretful.I should do my best again tomorrow.It's such a waste when you missed an easy question.What a waste and regret.Honestly I don't want my test papers return and see it.It's good but still not enough for me.

19 May 2014, 02:55 PM
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Dear Diary

Tomorrow I have to study my tests tomorrow.Wish I will be the top again.Wish to find a part time job after that.So excited to make money so I can buy anything I want when I got Philippines.I'm looking forward for it really.But always something bad occurs when I'm looking forward something.So I should not hope.So I should think something to worry.Actually it makes me feel I don't wanna go back Philippines anymore.*hahaha*So effective mind control.

17 May 2014, 03:55 PM
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Dear Diary

All I cay say today is"Oh My Gosh".First my classmate did touch my chest with her two hands.What the hell are you doing!!!?Second is she again.At our P.E. class,I got the ball and her nail got my face.Scratch on my face.My bf did not mention anything about it but,it feels me more uneasy.Maybe he doesn't think it's awful or bad at all,or just he doesn't know hat to tell me.Exam is near and I feel so down right now.What a wrong timing.

15 May 2014, 05:24 PM
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Dear Diary

I'm just so bothered about being so hot when this season in Japan.It's not that summer but I feel I'm at hell.Wondering what kind of part time job I will do.Just short for a month.Allowance when we went back in Philippines.Hoping there is something near because if I commute it takes money.I should think of my test next week also.

14 May 2014, 02:38 PM
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Dear Diary

My test is next week!I do not understand what is teacher telling to us.I'm the type of person that learn by my own.It's like everything I'm listening is going out me.*hahaha*I'm feeling I'm not in classroom.Going to other world or dimension.*hahaha*This week makes me feel heavy but still always average level even at first was all wrong.*hahaha*Going to night school now,but suddenly I remember diary.com.

14 May 2014, 07:57 AM
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Dear Diary

Today is mother's day.Ok,thanks mom.I got the cake I bought last week.But we didn't eat it today because mom was full.They are going to eat it tomorrow while I'm not here because I'm going at night school.Studying at night is dangerous,well maybe.But actually I found some serious peace of mind at night.I always remember the time I planned to suicide.The time I give up everything in my life.The coldness and darkness at night is perfect.It makes me feel I'm escaped to everything.All I was think...

11 May 2014, 02:39 PM
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Dear Diary

Our P.E. today was so hustle.Today I realize that I'm not concentrating on our class.I just copying what is on the blackboard. I don't even think or learn about our class.I don't even choose my course and collage yet.Well it's because mom wants me to be a stewardess.My opinion is always not approved and it's kinda scares to live with a job that is low salary and hustle.I gonna graduate on march 2016.I don't wanna live with full of regrets.Living but already die.Mom always tell me that I have ...

08 May 2014, 04:58 PM
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2 comments: kimi.colney01,an1_es

Dear Diary

Today my sister and I went out to deposit money at bank and xerox.It was a peaceful day.I change my hair style.Well my original hair style when I was child.Just part my hair at the center and show my big ears.I look like dumbo,hahaha.Feel nostalgic when I saw my childhood pictures.I am pretty when slim.Well I'm working more on it now.At the same time,it reminds me of grandma.I call her "inay" which means in tagalog "mom."I do love her more than my own mom.I don't know why my grandma have sons...

06 May 2014, 04:10 PM
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Dear Diary

I bought a cake today just for a reservation for mother's day.I feel embarrassing and pathetic because I did txt my bf just talking about what did mom did to us on Saturday.I know boys don't talk about personal things and just keep it.I admire about it a lot.Just because we are dating I tell him about my problems and personal life.It makes you feel down so I will reduce it and eventually don't even talk about it anymore.We are dating to be happy.So maybe I just have to be with him.I have no s...

05 May 2014, 03:57 PM
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Dear Diary

I woke up so late today.But I'm actually just get awake because of my sister.I'm a kind of mad this morning because everything was ruined yesterday and I just thought that it is another bad day today.I'm not the mood of watching or going out today.I'm still mad to my mom today because I got some effort yesterday to make her smile but I'm just rejected and yelled.So when she told me to watch Spiderman 2 I feel so irritation and frustration.I did watched it in3D and it was thrilling and fun.Unt...

04 May 2014, 04:09 PM
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Dear Diary

I don't know why I'm still trying.For my died grandma or for my sake?"So why do I try?I know I'm gonna fall down.I thought I could fly.So why did I drown?Never know why it's coming down down down."Laughing now on myself because I look so pathetic.I easily get hurt.I get easily emotional.I take everything serious.If I only get back at past.I will have such an experience here in Japan.I will stay carefree in Philippines.I won't wait two years because I'm a college student and far away because ...

03 May 2014, 12:45 PM
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Dear Diary

When I'm getting tired of dramas on my life.I am deciding if I will live or just die.I think giving up everything is the best way to not hurt anymore.I keep thinking if I will suicide or not.But I'm at the point of thinking halfway always.I love God half but I don't trust him. I just like saying I love you but I don't trust you.On suicide I want you to do but I'm not sure.I cannot trust anyone but only myself.I know myself I'm so selfish.I know I'm getting selfish because I don't wanna hurt a...

03 May 2014, 05:43 AM
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Dear Diary

I feel every weekends sucks.My mom yelling again.My sister and I are being a stress reliever for her.She got mad of nonsense things.We supposed to watch movie today but because of my sister she told us not to go anywhere and just stay forever at our room. Because of what?Being slow?Huh?What kind of joke is this?I can't believe just because of that we are grounded today?I don't wanna count every bad things on my life but this is going too far.I wanna be free.I more wanted to go school and stud...

03 May 2014, 04:11 AM
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Dear Diary

I got so many homework for golden week.I always thinking that Japanese are so mean.Our Spring,Summer,Winter vacation are not vacation anymore because of assignments.Even a red calendar we have a lot of homework.It doesn't make a sense of having it anymore.We are just doing it and wasting our time for it.Having also club even Saturday and Sunday is same.We are more busy than our parents.When I was in Philippines I was enjoying every vacation,but here I feel we don't rest and enjoy that much.

30 April 2014, 02:58 PM
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Dear Diary

I have really bad day today.Why my life always gone wrong because of mom.I'd rather die on studying than being with her.The wonderful day was ruined all because of her.I wanna be alone so badly.I'm not saying my childhood is not good at all,well it's almost.Anyway,I'm an anime otaku,I love anime.I think even I grew up it will never change.I'm admiring Luffy.Because of him I knew That being freedom is so wonderful.He will fight for it whatever it takes.I wanna be like him someday and wishing o...

29 April 2014, 02:41 PM
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Dear Diary

I have two personalities,the weak one and strong one.But I'm almost made of weak personalities now,so that's why I'm controlling myself to do what I want and show what I am.in other words I can't do what what I want,can't show my true me and say what's in my mind.It's not bad to be too kind but being abused that kindness by other is not good at all.I know thinking if revenge to my father is not good but it's not right to just forgive what he had done to me.He gonna pay for what he had done so...

28 April 2014, 05:32 PM
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