Journal_pane_8059081416920286

worries

I am too tired to even think about tomorrow. Last night, before I fall asleep I prayed to God. I asked him to give me a sign of what's gonna happen. Then I asked for another sign. I asked Him where is he leading me to. What's the purpose of me pursuing this career if I don't see the importance and meaning of what I'm doing. In my dreams, there was this scenario where I was distributing test papers. Written on my paper was 34/40. That's high enough, I said. Then I had my second dream. We were ...

25 November 2014, 12:58 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081414933851

I don't know where I'm getting all these jitters. I don't why why am I so anxious. I don't know why I'm breaking down right now. I just feel so lost. I am too overwhelmed with what I need to do. It's like a never-ending ride. I don't know where to start. All I know is there's something wrong. I am so worried of passing this sem. I am so worried that I might lose him. I am so worried that I won't be able to fulfill all my duties. I am so worried that I might literally break down any minute. I ...

02 November 2014, 01:11 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081413472870

Barriers

I just can't say it. I just can't tell you. Because if I tell you, I'm gonna break my own barrier to my heart. I'm gonna give you the chance to hurt me. Be kind to me :( I don't wanna feel that again. I don't want to hope to something that isn't real. Yes, deep down, I'd give the world just to be near you. If only I can travel through space machine and see how're you doing there, I would. How I wish I could see your face, how you move, how you frown, how you smile, how you drive, how you laug...

16 October 2014, 04:21 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081413128130

Where am I heading?

I’m not really sure what I am doing. All I know is that I am happy. And I know there’s no future in this relationship. Whether it’s friendship or something more. I am happy. I am happy talking to him. I am happy seeing his pictures. I am happy sleeping late just to viber him. But when reality kicks in, it all crumbles down. Why am I doing this to myself? If we’re friends, until when? If we’re more than friends, how so? I know in the end it will just give me heartache (eww too cheesy WTH). For...

12 October 2014, 04:35 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081406814249

girl drama

I studied in an exclusive school for girls for 12 years. And I tell you I know pretty damn well all the dramas of being with girls. I know how they act, talk and gossip about each other. They will tell bad things to other people, JUDGE other people and criticize others. Even if you think you belong and make friends, you can’t assure that you’re “in” already. They can have late night talks, private gossips, separate getaways. Those things that make you feel left out. Boys will fight and confro...

31 July 2014, 02:44 PM
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fading away

Day after day, I'm not feeling it anymore. As I become busier, I slowly forget what it feels like. Now that I see real people, I'm starting to have life. A life that is not based on a viber-communication. Something that is real. As I read on our thread, I've noticed how big the time difference we have. Like he would send message AM, then I'll reply 8 hours after. Then he'll reply 5 hours after, then I'll reply 6 hours after. It just goes on and on. We're not getting anywhere. I can't have thi...

24 July 2014, 05:22 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081405790225

He sent me a video just yesterday. Goooood I could listen to his voice the whole day. And his laugh, :"> I could play it over and over again. Which... I'm actually doing so. But whenever the reality strikes in, I remember that this is just a short, happy memory. One day, it'll be over.

19 July 2014, 06:17 PM
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In less than 12 hours, my senior year will be starting. I don't get the jitters anymore since it's already my 4th year. But I'm got this summertime sadness. 4 months of summer really lead me to #sepanx ?? Too many things happened this summer. Definitely my best so far. From my thursdates with college friends last March to April, US trip last May and a rollercoster feeling with my canadian friend. It taught me a lot of things; how to be strong & how to guard my heart with all my might. When su...

19 July 2014, 06:14 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081404923545

Gambling

Sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith. You have to believe that things will work out even though you've got nothing to hold on. You put yourself, your heart at stake. Even though you've seen that it'll lead to a dead-end, you will keep on looking for detours to at least delay the end. You just gotta take one step forward if you wanna keep on going.

09 July 2014, 05:32 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081403973062

Ending

The last time a guy approached me and got him rejected, I promised I would be entertaining the next. Then months after, I ask God for a thrill of life. But he gave me someone who'll break my heart. Okay that was way too much to say. But I was just too attached to that person. I knew where we're heading out. But I chose to be blind, deaf and stubborn. Now, I just feel like I had a head-on accident with reality. The last time I talked to him, it was horrible. Again, he misunderstood things. I j...

28 June 2014, 05:31 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081402753262

The end

So.... how do I say this? Remember the guy I was talking about with my past entries? Guess what! I've finally woken up from my deep infatuation to him and realized he's NOT THE ONE. I understand our timezone difference plus his work, but seriously? SEENZONED? Yes, I believe in karma and I guess I've just been bitch-slapped by it. I kind of have the habit of ignoring other people. And yes, he ignored me! Not just for a day, but DAYS. And sooner for a week. Thanks to the 'seen button' in facebo...

14 June 2014, 02:41 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081401786704

The hurting feeling

I should've stayed away. I should've stopped replying. I should've kept my feelings secret. But I did not and now it's confusing. This thing, this crush is starting to be something. And that can't happen. Fck this feelings. I just want to stop thinking about it. Or thinking about him? Coz we'll never happen. We are not right for each other. I don't know what to do anymore. I just wanted this to stop before my feelings will grow. How will I make him dislike me? A part of me wishes he meet some...

03 June 2014, 10:11 AM
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Journal_pane_8059081400798013

What happened next

So like a week ago, I posted an entry about this guy I was sharing you about. It was simple way back then... things got a little complicated now. Yesterday, it was just too much. He was too much. He keeps on saying that he'll just go back on being the "fanboy" and that he would not talk to me. I don't like that to happen! It started when I was trying to be a turn off to him for the reason that I want him to hate me or not like me. Something like that. But he misunderstood it and thinks that I...

22 May 2014, 11:33 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081400125977

Across the world

This summer could be the best summer ever ☺ We went to US (actually currently at this moment ;) ) I'm in Chicago right now. But my trip isn't the focus of this entry. It's about this guyyy :) I've known him since I was in first year, I think? He's the brother of my highschoolmate and who used to go to my college but in different course. Ever since then I had a petty crush on him (and my friend too). But you see, he now lives in Canada and there's no way we'll meet. Well, that's what I thought...

15 May 2014, 04:53 AM
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Journal_pane_8059081397304039

Come and go

People grow. People change. And it's constant. How much you try to keep others, they just go. They just distance. But no matter what, you know that they'll forever be your friends. May be not as your close friends, but friends that you can keep for life. True, some people go but there will come. Friends that will be there for you whenever you need them. Friends who will be your shoulder to cry on. And I'm so thankful to have them. Those thursdates are worth of my time and money lol they're th...

12 April 2014, 01:00 PM
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decide on your own

Since I can't let this out on my twitter, I have to write this short entry. I just hate it how I have to keep on making decision for the sake of others! Why do I have to start planning ALL THE EFFIN TIME. Can't they make up their own minds? And they're teases us that we are indecisive?! Well, F you!

08 April 2014, 10:08 AM
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Journal_pane_8059081395329323

Skorts off we go!

It was a tough day for our college. The list of failures has finally been posted. Beforehand, I wasn't really that expecting my student ID to be there since I tried my best to pass everything. And so I did. But some did not. And included there are my friends. As we are getting closer and closer to the finish line, we are losing one another in every step of the way. Every semester, one or two of my friends fail. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. I don't know what to say to cheer them u...

20 March 2014, 03:28 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081393417603

Reason

I wanna give up already. I sleep with a heart full of discouragement and anxiety. I always think about tomorrow. I feel I'm gonna fail. I'm little by little losing my belief in myself. I'm losing hope. I keep on failing. It's like I can't do anything that's good. I'm waking up, but I'm not living my life. I don't even know why I wake up, why I do these things. I'm wasting my effort for nothing. I just wanna let go. I just wanna give up. But then I see my mom's face. How she grows old and de...

26 February 2014, 12:26 PM
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Journal_pane_8059081393169445

My prayer

They say God hears us when we pray. But He doesn't always answer right away. I'm sure failed student prayed to Him not to fail. But they still did. So, why didn't God answered their prayer? Why did He let them fail? Cause I can't think straight for days because I'm about to fail a subject and I'm not fishing or anything. Literally, I'm failing. Not because I didn't do enough. But because of a circumstance I don't know whom to blame. I don't know how but my professor wasn't able to receive my ...

23 February 2014, 03:30 PM
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1 comment: tom.barker
Journal_pane_8059081390316478

weak

It was a sad enging for us. I thought I was already strong. But you're my krypton. I now admit. It hurts. So bad. I tested myself to see how will I feel if I passed by you. Maybe you would notice me and say hi. After all, we're friends. I did as what my mind tells me. I passed by you. But you didn't say hello. The hell was I thinking? You were with your friends, yes, but can't you even voice out a simple hello? If I looked your way, see your face, would you say hi? Or will you just look at m...

21 January 2014, 03:01 PM
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