WHAT'S LEFT BEHIND, WHAT LIES AHEAD...

First of all, this is going to be a very long entry. I can't say I haven't warned you already. As usual, Big Brother T has always made my life more interesting and busier. Basically, my life has felt more like another soap opera or a movie lately. Am I the leading character? Hmm, sometimes I am I guess, as usual. After Thursday (October 17), T and I had agreed to meet the girls on Sunday (October 20). However, something came up. T's recent partner Mr.Quiet Lad (QL) wasn't feeling well. He w...

13 November 2013, 09:12 AM
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"THE GETAWAY"

Come with me. Take my hand. We need to feel free. I also need a friend. We know where we're going. We need to feel more laid-back. For now, worry not about a thing. They need to cut us some slack. Rise and shine. It's a beautiful morning. Everything's fine, as long as there's joy to bring. We need the escape. We deserve the break. Just a few days; that's all it takes. Go to sleep now. Don't be scared. I'll wake you up once we get there. Where? Far away from our harsh reality, since we bo...

11 November 2013, 02:20 PM
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CAN'T SAY MUCH FOR NOW...

I can't say much now, because I'm still in the middle of the break. My Saturday shift finishes at 5:15. Big Brother T is leaving tonight. His flight back to Sydney is at 10:45. Before that, he still needs my help to do some stuff. How am I feeling about this? Sad, of course. Although he says he's working his way back here sometime next year (well, hopefully), it's still sad to see him leave tonight. And I'm trying hard not to cry now... R.

09 November 2013, 06:43 AM
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"NOVEMBER FIRST"

Will this be the last moment our eyes lock in torment, knowing we might never see each other again? Will this be the last time I get to hear your voice, knowing I have no other choice as the distance begins drawing the line? Will I still be thinking about you, the way you’re missing me too as the cold reality has turned us blue? Will I? Will you? Will we? Will we ever be? Say no more, love. Your face has shown me enough. What can we do when life is tough? “Don’t go. I love you so.” Wher...

06 November 2013, 12:13 PM
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ANYTHING FOR LOVE

First of all, I’d like to thank God for letting me live for another year. I don’t know if I still deserve this, but hopefully I do. That’s right, folks. I’ve turned 32 on November 4. Happy birthday to me! How do I feel now? Surprisingly, like 22. I guess it’s a good thing, because it’s exactly like what my brotherly, hazel-eyed best friend T has told me: “It’s not about how old you are; it’s about how you feel.” Indeed. I guess I’ve reached the point where I begin to loosen up a bit more...

06 November 2013, 11:40 AM
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"I NEED A BREAK"

I need a break from your sweet smile. That's why I have to be away for a while. There's always that look in your eyes which destroys my ability to lie. I need a break from your soft-spoken voice. That's why I've made this choice. We can still talk like decent human beings, although I often get tongue-tied and out-of-sync. I need a break from your absolute sweetness. I hate this feeling of utter hopelessness. That's why I shy away, not wanting to see you for a few days. I need to get over y...

30 October 2013, 07:44 AM
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1 love: nadinemerced10
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"MY POETRY"

What can one read in poetry? It’s one of the ways to tell a story. One has to guess, for it isn’t told bluntly. We all have different interpretations, you see? What’s in my poetry? Do you think it’s always all about me, or can it be everyone I see? I just let my feelings run freely. Sometimes it’s the only way to be. Read every line. Hope you will find all that I’ve been trying to say. If my thoughts are too scary, then you’re more than welcome to run away. Run far away from me! R. (Jak...

22 October 2013, 03:20 AM
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HAZEL EYES' RETURN

At last, it’s the return of my brotherly, hazel-eyed best friend T. Since I’ve also considered him like a big brother to me, I sometimes call him ‘Abang’. Only this time, things are a bit more complex. It’s been a year as well since he last turned up in this country, so I’ve sort of expected some changes. First of all, T’s got a new boyfriend. However, I’m afraid I have to kind of ‘depersonalize’ him here – by their request – to protect his real identity. My country’s still very, very preju...

21 October 2013, 01:19 PM
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"FOR THE LIGHT OF LOVE IN YOUR EYES"

Are you the living example of what I've thought as 'too-good-to-be-true'? For too long I've fought this constant, personal battle against the self-creation of these poisonous blues. I don't know her, but she sounds like your beloved princess. The thought of her seems to make you happier that there's no more space for loneliness. Bless you, sweet-hearted prince. You deserve all the joy she brings. Let this old, lonely ghost pray for your love to remain strong that nothing can e...

18 October 2013, 01:47 PM
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BETWEEN SCHEDULES...

I'm back to being very busy again. Some teachers are on-leave for quite a long time. The last movie I watched was "Gravity". Two Tuesdays ago I went to Setiabudi One with some of the work crew: Okeu, Gita, Patrick S., Vincent, and Mark. Vincent's two friends - a nice, Swedish backpacking couple named Patrick and Anna - were also with us that night. How was the movie? It was good. The idea of the pure, intense terror in the outer space was fantastic. (I'd probably die of a cardiac arrest alr...

18 October 2013, 10:53 AM
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"MS.ALWAYS RIGHT"

You know he’ll do anything for you. To hell and back he’ll go through. But time and time again, you keep on being such a pain. Why...oh, why? Why do you have to make him want to cry? You think that you’ve already owned him. All I see is reality-turning-grim. You know he still wants you as his wife, because you’re the love of his life. Stop hurting him so much, or soon he’ll be out of your touch. He loves you, but I can tell that his patience is wearing thin. He’s not some kind of a puppet ...

07 October 2013, 01:48 PM
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MY WALL-BREAKER

I know I’ve spoken of solitude and wall-building a lot. Some old habits just die hard, even when they actually should perish. I know this one has stemmed from how reality’s been treating me. And I know that I shouldn’t keep holding on to that excuse too, but I really can’t stop that. It’s been my armour in the world. I guess only through my writings, some people can really ‘see’ me. Like what I often tell them, I write better than I talk. I sound more coherent this way. On the first day th...

07 October 2013, 01:04 PM
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"SOLITUDE..."

It's not solitude that you fear. You know that as well as being here. It's what it can do to you. It's what it can turn you into; forming that thick, invisible wall around all until the real you can no longer be found. Quite an exterior, eh? Too bad, there's always a (bitter?) price to pay. It's hard for you to reach out. The world outside yourself is often full of doubts. Sometimes you'd like to stay where you are just to avoid another crack in your heart... R. (Jakarta, 29/9/2013 - 12:17...

01 October 2013, 10:11 AM
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ALL I WANT AND REALITY...

At first, I'd like to give this entry a title that says: "All I Want Versus Reality Around Me." However, I don't want to sound too negative toward the issue. (As usual, I'm trying to be more positive these days, but also realistic at the same time.) So, what do I really want these days? And how does reality work? I'm 31. I'll be 32 in November this year - and I'm still single. (Oh, is that so bloody surprising?) Honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling about this - or supposed to, rea...

30 September 2013, 07:56 AM
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"MY OWN WORST ENEMY"

I'd rather not talk about you, no matter how wonderful you are. I'm dying to escape these blues and pick up the pieces of my heart. Then why the hell am I still here? I thought I'd completely moved on. I've made myself clear: this pathetic obsession should be long gone. But that face in the mirror is laughing at me; her evil eyes glowering with twisted glee as she says: "My dear, quit pretending. You know you can't win. You're already too much in love with him!" R. (Jakarta, 15/9/2013 - ...

30 September 2013, 04:42 AM
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"YOUR SMILE"

There's that smile on your face that lifts her spirit up, somewhere high in the sky above. Don't you know? She can't resist your glow. There's a smile on your face every time she sees you. It's hard to believe but true. If you knew, would you run off and leave her feeling blue? There's a fading smile on her face, as her heart slowly breaks from your warm gaze. Oh, what a disgrace! She should stop looking at you too long. This is just so wrong! She knows the meaning of that smile on your fa...

28 September 2013, 05:53 AM
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"K."

Baby girl, are you looking forward to this weekend? I hope you are, because so is my new good friend. He's feeling overjoyed, even at the sound of your name. Little girl, he can't wait to see you. There are days he still needs to get through. He's bringing your birthday presents, but more than anything; he wishes he could always be around. Beautiful girl, you're the apple of his eye. You may not know me, but I'm not going to lie. He'd like to be with you soon, if only he could fly. Even thi...

23 September 2013, 01:00 PM
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THROUGH THEIR EYES, I (CAN SOMETIMES) SEE THEIR MENTAL SCARS...

Sometimes I wonder why I just care so much, even about strangers or people I barely know. It's their stories they tell. If I pay close enough attention, I can sense their honesty. Some people say it's my strength; others say it's my weakness. Why do I have to care so much? Why bother? So what? Some people - especially experts on 'supernatural abilities' - tell me I'm pretty 'special' too. They call me an 'empath'. It's something that I just can't help. I see through their eyes and (can ...

23 September 2013, 08:40 AM
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"AN URBAN WANNABE"

Just another urban dream; no matter how insignificant it seems; a girl-next-door in the search for more while silently wondering what she's in for. Just another urban fantasy that one day she'll have enough money to set herself free. Maybe, just maybe, sooner or later she'll get lucky. Just another urban story about another wannabe. In the meantime, dreaming is still free. She'll keep that image in her head just to make herself happy... R. (Jakarta, 8/9/2013 - 10:15 p...

20 September 2013, 11:38 AM
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CREATIVITY, GIGGLES, AND ABSOLUTE CRAZINESS

There are times when I just want to forget all problems in the world and just...be happy. Let my creativity run free. Just giggle and enjoy the absolute craziness around me. Like last Monday. Newbies are always interesting, but these dudes are surely fun. I've never heard any foreigner speaking Indonesian with Sundanese accent until I met Josh. He's funny too. He sits close to me, where Stu used to sit. (I miss him, by the way. He's already resigned and left.) Wendy is nice too, but ...

20 September 2013, 11:08 AM
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