"THE RISE OF THE APATHY"

She wakes up with her sense of apathy; that dark, little room so empty. She watches her once peaceful, earthly heaven slowly crumbling and broken. “Who started this?” she wonders aloud. Was there a lot that she’d missed? Now all she often sees is hate; brazen rage like the opening of the hell’s gate. She sees them pointing at each other, acting like they’re always better. Are those forsaken rumours true? What can she ever really do? “I ...

14 September 2013, 03:24 PM
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THE WORLD AROUND YOU THESE DAYS...

How do you see the world around you these days? Do you still perceive it as something simple and beautiful, whichever part you’re in at the moment? Imagine waking up to the same, old reality for the past 4.5 years. You’re silently wondering whether your ailing father will ever be alright again. You’ve decided to push aside your own feelings for too long, only so you can function properly – although maybe not emotionally. Underneath your numbness and indifference, there are feelings you’d rat...

13 September 2013, 03:17 PM
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"THE SHAMELESS LAD"

You’re so typical, Unbelievable. You’re the handsome devil who think I’m gullible. I’m glad we’re distant. I’ve learned my lesson. After all that’s happened, I don’t need to get even. Have you no shame? Lies and deceit are parts of your game. In the end, it’s all the same; you’re the only left to blame. Your sad, unlucky tales are absurd; how you’ve been a good boy and still getting hurt. You think I’m just one of those girls easily swayed into your tricky little world. I know what yo...

10 September 2013, 08:53 AM
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SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE...

Believe it or not, I often find myself in the middle. That doesn’t mean I’m indecisive or unable to make up my own mind. Some people even say that I seem to have my own ‘orbit’ – whatever that means. This also has nothing to do with the fact that I’m the middle child in the family. I don’t even know if I (still?) suffer the middle-child syndrome or not. Maybe I do, maybe not. I get to see more of me that way these days. If we want to start simple, take a look at me: I’m not always a hottie,...

10 September 2013, 12:42 AM
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"YOU'RE THAT KIND"

You're the kind of boy that amuse me, thinking you're all the man can be; a distinguished scholar with amazing intelligence, eyeing people with such a condescending glance. You're the kind of boy that irritate me, 'though I can appear as indifferent as you see. You think my kind is an entertainment; mere creatures with only feelings and head space so vacant. You're the kind of boy that has to exist as a test for my patience. Once you're completely gone, you won't be missed. Be...

04 September 2013, 04:50 PM
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BEING ROMANTICALLY-CHALLENGED ISN'T ALL ABOUT APATHY...

"You work there? Wow, maybe you can fetch yourself a bule* boyfriend." (*Bule: foreigner; in this case Caucasian - particularly Anglo-Saxon.) I still get that a lot from some people. Honestly, that's annoying. Why? First of all, it sounds more disturbing than: "You work there? I bet you make a lot of money." Secondly, who the hell do they think I am? Ayam bule*? (*Ayam bule: 'ayam' means chicken, but this term is for local women who are intentionally and more than willingly after Cau...

04 September 2013, 04:11 PM
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"THE GOLD-DIGGER"

What do you want from me? You come and go as you please. I don't come from money. My life isn't always an easy breeze. Don't nag like an overgrown baby. Don't you even lie to me. You have no idea how much I despise dishonesty. Enough with your self-pity. I'm not some freaking fairy. I know I sound mean, but is it so hard for you to just come clean? If you're such a fair-weather friend, perhaps it's time that we put this to an end. Why won't you stop being such a pain? Thi...

03 September 2013, 04:42 PM
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SOME PEOPLE AND THEIR OPINIONS...

People often act like they know everything, including what they think is best for you. If they're strangers, you usually can handle them much better. Just dismiss them, since they're not important in your life. Nothing personal. If they're your friends and/or other family members, that's another story. First of all, don't picture me as the typical heroine you might read in famous chick-lits or see in Hollywood chick-flicks. I'm not the type of girls guys look at from across the bar and ...

03 September 2013, 04:16 PM
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"THE BORDERLINE"

I feel my sanity hanging by a thread, as his soul awaits between life and dead. My thoughts are in painful fragments, each running wildly in different directions. I don’t dare picture the actual shape of my heart. Sorry, I’m too busy keeping myself intact. I can’t afford to start falling apart. They say crying is not always wrong, especially when you’ve been trying to stay strong. I sometimes feel like punching the wall, until my knuckles bleed and I start losing it all. So, who knows? Pe...

02 September 2013, 05:41 PM
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THE REALITY SOAP:CONFESSIONS OF A ROMANTICALLY-CHALLENGED AUTHOR

For some people in the world, life is a series of expected, sequential orders. They’re born, they grow up, and live. They go to school, college, university, and then graduate at the expected age. They get the jobs of their dreams right away. They meet the love of their life and get married. They have kids, become parents, and eventually grow old together. In the end, they all die. Like I’ve said: expected sequential orders of life. I don’t mean to be a cynic here, but – let’s just face it –...

02 September 2013, 05:08 PM
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ALL AT ONCE...

I can’t believe that August is finally over. Time flies. Where do I begin? It’s hard to tell. I’ve written some past entries before, but none of them got to be posted. Too long? Too old, too late? Maybe I’ve just lost my interest in doing so. All I know is that I haven’t been able to really focus on anything lately. There are lots to tell. Githa’s dad passed away on August 17, the same day my brother turned 30 and our country celebrated Independence Day. It was really sad. Of course, I’d ...

01 September 2013, 09:36 PM
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"MAYBE NOT"

I’d known that it was too good to be true. That’s why I didn’t hope so much for you. I know I’m still a romantically-challenged skeptic. At least for now, I see no reason to get myself fixed. Life is still good, and I’m just doing what I should. Once and twice, you forgot my name. Well, this is the end of your lame game. That night was an illusion, I know. You’ve put on such a great show. This is real life, not some tacky, romantic comedy. I won’t even treat this like a Greek tragedy. Hell...

01 September 2013, 12:39 PM
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"THIS IS REAL LIFE, NOT SOME DUMB CHICK-LIT/CHICK-FLICK"

What has gone after that fateful night at 7-11? Has the French-Turkish guy finally called and asked the romantically-challenged skeptic out? Did they go out? Was there any possible romance, eventhough short-lived? Most importantly, has he turned her into a former romantically-challenged skeptic? Ha-ha, what a joke! Don’t we all want that to happen? Well, this is real life, not some dumb chick-lit/chick-flick. Anyway, after that night, let’s imagine yourself(or selves) in her shoes again. ...

30 August 2013, 11:30 AM
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"ANOTHER RARE, CHICK-LIT/CHICK-FLICK MOMENT"(RE-POSTED?)

May 30, 2013 at 7:46pm How often can one experience a chick-lit/chick-flick moment? Most importantly, how does that work with a romantically-challenged skeptic? Picture this: You hadn't been feeling well lately. In fact, you were rather gloomy. After work that Thursday night, you decided to wait for your brother at 7-11. Surprise, surprise. That was where it all took place. You'd been waiting at the far corner of the room, sitting with a bottle of mineral water and charging your phone...

30 August 2013, 10:46 AM
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"L.D.R.*(SEE YOU SOON!)

Have we both emerged from the shadows of the past? It’s been a while since I last heard of you. We’ve reunited at last. Are we on to something new? Is this too good to be true? Somehow, I find myself enchanted by you. Still, I can’t call this love, for this hasn’t been long enough. At least we’ve set the date, ‘though I can’t hardly wait. They say patience is a virtue, so waiting is all I can do. In the meantime, let’s stay in touch. You know I want to see you so much. Hopefully, this wond...

14 August 2013, 03:33 PM
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AFTER THE SHORT HOLIDAY...

How does it feel to be back at work after the holiday? Weird. It doesn’t matter whether the holiday is short or long. I still have to have an adjustment period. I don’t know about you people. Maybe it’s just me. I finished reading “The Master and Margarita” last holiday. Tony B. seemed impressed when I returned it to him and told him how much I’d enjoyed reading it and laughing about Behemoth the black cat. He’s lending me more books now. It’s been like that for quite some time. He always wan...

14 August 2013, 03:02 PM
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THE SHORT HOLIDAY

I’ve got a short holiday for Eid Mubarak. I know it’s only a week, but it’s still better than nothing. No more lack of sleep, traffic-fuelled frustration, exhaustion, worry, sickness, and stress. (Well, at least for now.) I can relax a bit more and don’t have to fight for a day off. More importantly, I can write again...more freely. I miss doing this more often. I don’t want to give up doing this for anything else, even if ‘anything else’ is guaranteed to make more money. Sounds crazy? Maybe...

07 August 2013, 05:00 PM
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"HAVE YOU SEEN HER LATELY?"

See her life at a pause; on and on for someone else’s cause. It may seem to move at a sluggish pace, along with every strain on her tired face. See her smile frozen in place; somewhere back in a long, forgotten space. Now it’s fabricated. Would you prefer having her jaded? See her picking up her pieces, even when she feels listless. You think it’s just her clutters she can’t manage. Do you see her trying to spell ‘freedom’ from inside your moral cage? Can you see her? Do you ever? She’s be...

07 August 2013, 04:34 PM
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"STRANGE DREAMS"

I’ve dreamed about you a lot recently. You were talking and walking again like the way you used to be. Is it only me, or are you trying to say something? You’ve lost the ability, and prison is the form of your now harsh reality. I didn’t want to wake up all too soon, knowing I’d cry again. When will God ever spare you the pain? They all say those dreams could mean anything, yet now I’m too afraid to think: Strange dreams, don’t confuse me. I’m already perplexed by reality. Are you pre...

06 August 2013, 06:49 AM
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"THREE NIGHTMARES AND A MORTAL'S CAPACITY ISSUE"

It was another Saturday’s twilight after work. The traffic was bad – and it had gotten worse under the rain. The sky was soulless grey, the colour of my mood that day. My friend – a colleague at work too – and I went to Plaza Festival, waiting for the end of our fasting day. I was too tired to go home right away. It’s always a long journey. After Magrib (our twilight prayer), we were talking over caramel latte. (I had broccoli cream soup too, which was a weird combination.) Somehow, out of ...

06 August 2013, 06:14 AM
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