WHEN LOVE RESTRAINS AND SUFFOCATES...

This is not some typical thought of a romantically-challenged skeptic. I don't expect you to believe me. I'm just being realistic here. Is there ever really such a thing as 'unconditional love'? Is love ever really 'unconditional'? Call me 'faithless' for even questioning this, but reality has shown me different proofs. If you say "a mother's love" is one good example, then it actually depends on the mother. I don't know why I've decided to tell you this story. It's not about Ma, do...

21 June 2013, 07:25 AM
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WARPED?

Time flies in the speed of light, the blink of our eyes. Again, it's such a catchy phrase to begin this entry. Catchy, but also cliche. I've used that many times before they started sounding rather...dull. I've got to start coming up with something else. Being busy doesn't only drain your physical energy. (No wonder I've gotten sick way too often lately.) It also threatens my sense of creativity. My writing is seriously deteriorating. It's funny how I think about that more often thes...

20 June 2013, 02:55 PM
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"THE BALLAD OF A GOOD, DUTIFUL WIFE"

I can never win, can I? With you, all I do is never enough - even when I do it out of love. To you, I'll never be perfect. Your constant demands keep me feeling gagged. I can never win, can I? I never step taking care of our kids, even when you're more than reluctant to help even just a bit. You complain that I have no time for you, even when you see I've got lots to do. I can never win, can I? You just know how to make me feel ugly, just because I don't always dress up beautifully. Meanwhi...

19 June 2013, 02:09 PM
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CATCHING UP WITH MY DREAMS...

I got a free novel from Story Magazine. They'd published my flash fiction called "Bullies". Not bad, eh? It's my third work there - after a poem and a non-fiction. I know that they don't always pay the writers with money, but gaining acknowledgement is also important. The same thing with other magazines, though.First, I have to get my three writings published, no matter how long it takes. No matter what. After that? I'll just keep on writing and sending them, in hope that they too like ...

10 June 2013, 05:20 PM
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"RIGHT THROUGH YOU 2"

Say what you mean. Do what you want. I know you're desperate to be seen; dying to be the only one. Let them all hear you. Make them notice what you do. You'd feel wonderful if they considered your words, even when they often (had to) hurt. Are you one of those clowns with painted smiles? Do you suppose I've got the eyes of a child? You perceive my quiet manner as a sign that I don't know any better. Or is it just my anger? No, I'm too old for such a childish tantrum. I need to keep moving ...

10 June 2013, 10:20 AM
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"RIGHT THROUGH YOU"

I can't say what's wrong with you. It's not my place to tell you what to do. Perhaps it's how you were raised. Maybe that's not always the case. You look at me as if I'm an alien. To me, you're too ancient. We may get on by just being civil to each other; I won't even expect anything better. You think you can tell me what a girl should be. I don't even care, because I know you can never change me. So I'll just keep on rattling your chains, whenever you start acting like a real ...

06 June 2013, 09:56 AM
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THE BALLAD OF AN ARTISTIC IDEALIST...

Alright, I know that sounds a bit too much. My life in general sense isn't that bad. There are still other, much sadder ballads out there. Where am I at the moment? Still the same.I'm still living at the same house with my family. I'm still in the same, crowded and polluted city - working at the same language school. I'm dealing with the same and different issues;this time - hopefully - with a new attitude and different, much more positive approaches. (Amen.) Should I complain? Hmm, m...

05 June 2013, 09:00 PM
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"THE MENTAL SUFFOCATION"

June's come too soon; like the absence of the last blue moon. What are you going to do? Can you still breathe when they always want so much from you? Rise; don't fall. You've been ignoring this wake-up call. Flee; set yourself free. Be what you want to be, instead of whom they expect you to see. The clock is ticking, my dear. Don't let their reprimands and threats add up to your fears. If this is not how you'd like to feel, run before your fate is sealed! R. (Jakarta, 2...

03 June 2013, 06:47 PM
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"ANOTHER RARE, CHICK-LIT/CHICK-FLICK MOMENT..."

How often can one experience a chick-lit/chick-flick moment? Most importantly, how does that work with a romantically-challenged skeptic? Picture this: You hadn't been feeling well lately. In fact, you were rather gloomy. After work that Thursday night, you decided to wait for your brother at 7-11. Surprise, surprise. That was where it all took place. You'd been waiting at the far corner of the room, sitting with a bottle of mineral water and charging your phone. The AC was pretty cold, b...

30 May 2013, 02:04 PM
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"MAYBE..."

This is the place of possibilities. What do you see in me? One can drown or be drowned in this faceless crowd; carefully calculating every reasonable doubt. What do you see in me? My life is not ideal for a typical romantic comedy. Besides, I've never even set foot in Tinseltown. I'm just an observant skeptic with an occasional frown. Still, don't worry. This is also no Greek tragedy. We've been way past that history. I think I also need to remind myself to breathe. Again, w...

29 May 2013, 10:29 AM
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"THE RAGING BEASTS WITHIN"

Sense them squirming, rolling under thick, dark covers of fatigue. Sleep forms and deforms them all in absurdities in a single-framed, mental picture. Feel them clawing their way out, tearing the covers to pieces as you're wide awake. Wait. They still haven't escaped. They're still trapped inside your brain, causing your face to form a strain. Quiet them down with mental instructions, yet they still keep on screaming like dying prisoners inside an isolated dungeon. They ...

28 May 2013, 03:08 PM
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THE DIVIDED LOYALTIES?

I often see my life in fragments. Pieces of different puzzles that don't always fit. Ma often says that's just how life is. Otherwise, people wouldn't be well-driven to search for purposes. (Well, sort of.) What about me? What's my purpose? What have I become of them? What will I be later on? Indeed, good questions. Can one ever really live with divided loyalties? Should loyalty even be divided? How does anyone deal with that? Or, have we all actually done that already - practical...

28 May 2013, 02:42 PM
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"FAMILIAR STRANGERS"

We are familiar strangers living together; aware only of the physical existence of one another. Has our blood gone thicker; or does it no longer matter? We are familiar strangers standing on a neutral ground; fearing for the sad truth to be found; keeping secrets for another round, like silent screams or even a muffled sound. We are familiar to each other; yet we've become complete strangers. How did we all end up like this? How come we deny what we actually miss? The distant past has kept...

27 May 2013, 04:06 PM
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"THE DREAM"

It's a perfect sunny day; bright but not piercing. I can't find the words to say; I only feel myself smiling. You're also there, as we walk along the beach. We're quite an odd pair, but I don't really care. "You did the right thing." That's what you keep telling me. But wait. Why does everything start to disappear? What's happening? I still want to be here! In the darkness, I open my eyes. It doesn't take long for me to realize: I'm back to where I am; the all-too fa...

22 May 2013, 02:37 PM
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THE WEEKEND BLUES

It's just one of those moments. You know you can never really get away from it, yet you still wish you could somehow avoid it. You don't mind being alone. You've done this for years. Sometimes you like it; sometimes you don't. It's just the way it is. That's life. Sometimes, it's either in between or a black hole. Empty, hollow. A sense of nothingness... Normally, you're fine. A weekend without a boyfriend has never been a tragedy for you. If your friends are too busy, you can alw...

20 May 2013, 02:51 PM
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"ANOTHER PRIMADONNA COMPLEX"

Your mirror is your only closest friend. Too bad,you still can't see through it. Your conscience is clouded over by your pretenses. Your hardly realize,even a bit. How do I break this news? Is that even of any use? You're not the most charming man in the world. I'm not one of those gullible girls. In silence,I watch what you do. The walls of this crowded house has spoken to me too. To you,I may be insignificant - even I appear nonchalant. Do you think I'm harmless? That's f...

20 May 2013, 09:41 AM
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TROUBLE SLEEPING...

Yes, I've had trouble sleeping lately. No, it's not because I'm falling in love. Don't even tell me that. Hehe, I've been listening to Corrine Bailey Rae. It's not that I don't sleep. I still can, but it's just like this: It's difficult when I want to. But once I do, I often fall into deep-but-restless sleep. Some of them have heard me snore. (No joke!) Some have heard me mumble or talk in my sleep. Even one cab driver had to shake me awake once, because I'd practically been screa...

18 May 2013, 07:02 PM
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"RESTLESS"

Like Sysyphus trying to complete the never-ending task; constantly pressured by the gods' wrath. There's no break from you. Do what you've got to do. Who cares if you're black and blue? No one's really got your back. Another domino-effect will only show them what you lack. It doesn't matter if they keep screwing up. You're the cleaning lady, the unwilling sub. You're the responsible and reliable for the job. No wonder their demands never stop. What's next? Why do they keep t...

11 May 2013, 02:11 PM
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FROM THE CROWDED HOUSE

Honestly, I don't know how to call the place where my basic family lives in. The Crowded House? No, that's a band. (Or was a band, since they'd broken up long ago.) Still, the name fits. Three families live in it: my own, my sister The First Princess', and the maid's. Complex? Oh, yeah. Want to hear more? Dad The Great King is still sick. Stroke for over three years already. He can still function okay (as in, not having to stay in bed with IV and other medical life-supports). Other than s...

11 May 2013, 06:43 AM
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"THESE HARD TIMES"

These are the hard times, my friend. Day in, day out - all the same. I wish we could all ignore the loose ends, yet we're already way too tired to pretend. These are the hard times, my friend. Every month always feels like a long way. There are always bills to pay. When will this ever end? These are the hard times, my friend. I'm also sick to death of dealing with this pain. Sometimes it feels so damn permanent. All my sweat, blood, and tears have been well-spent. These are ...

09 May 2013, 10:08 AM
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