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"BEHIND MY SILENCE"

Silence was once an open door. Welcome to my humble little world. I didn't have much to offer, but I hoped you'd enjoy this calm weather. Silence could still be broken, restored or even done for. I never said it was always golden, but sometimes things should be left unspoken. Silence has been the same old wound that you keep poking at. I wondered if you'd stop anytime soon, before you started driving me mad. Now silence is a locked door. It protects what is already broken. ...

14 April 2013, 08:04 PM
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ALL ROLLED INTO ONE...

Alright, I've been trying to find some time to update an entry beside another piece of poetry (which is always short and relatively easier.) Too busy, too little time. Now is the time, while I'm still awake. I'm not asleep yet, although I'm actually tired and have to wake up early for work tomorrow. I guess it's just one of those restless nights with so much on my mind. Honestly, I have no accurate idea about my own emotional state these days. I've been feeling unstable and almost out o...

14 April 2013, 07:21 PM
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"MONSTERS IN YOUR EYES"

You always wake up with the monsters in your eyes. Their eyes are much greener than green; the most frightful sight you've ever seen. You hear their eerie whispers in your ears. They speak of ill-news just to bring back your old-time blues. I can say no more. You've dragged me down here way too many times before. You say I never listen. Well, guess what? I am sick to death of your same, old accusations. Your breathing's frantic with your own negative emotions. Your spiteful ...

11 April 2013, 01:11 PM
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"TIRED (AT THE REST STOP)"

I am not keen on this rat race; I don't feel the need to save my face. Where did we start? Where's the finish line? Will I ever come around even as I keep falling apart? It's a never-ending, high-speed chase. Losing feels like a self-disgrace. What if I'm tired and in need of a break? Should I keep my weapon loaded, even with all I lack? So what? One can't win all the time. Sometimes they need to retreat from the fight. Perhaps victory isn't always mine, but that doesn't me...

07 April 2013, 04:46 PM
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"THE STRUGGLE WITHIN (WHAT'S LEFT OF ME)"

I am awake with what is left of me; rage coated in cold silence, conscience slowly drowning in a trance. What do you see? Nothing but only what you want to; a harmless, weakling little girl to you. I let you believe what you wish me to be; a kid who will never talk back, your favourite, mental punching-bag. Ironically, I am also your rock to lean on, someone to take your fall and be strong, making sure nothing else goes way too wrong. What about them? Why is it always me...

02 April 2013, 12:45 PM
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"A LOVE DISGUISED"

I am waiting for you to come to my rescue. It's a cheesy line but true. There isn't much that I can do. You ask for my patience. Right now, we have distance and consequences. You say you want me too, but their prying eyes are on you. So what do we do? When will this relationship come true? I've been waiting for you behind their shadows, silently wondering where this goes. One day you will have to make up your mind and listen to your heart, instead of keeping me in the dark...

31 March 2013, 10:08 AM
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IT'S BEEN A WHILE...

It’s been a while since I last wrote in here. I’ve actually written a lot of entries already, but then I decided not to post any of them at all online. They all sucked. I don’t know if my writing skill has already deteriorated far worse than I fear. They were all full of pent-up, negative emotions. Yuck. In other words, I was not in a good mental state. Or maybe I was just not in a good mood. There’s so much to tell, yet so little time. Sounds cliche, huh? Well, it’s true. I’ve been so busy...

29 March 2013, 08:08 PM
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"WHEREVER, WHATEVER"

Wherever I choose to be, there is no one there but me. I just want to be free. I know it is difficult for some to see. Whatever I do; It may not always have something to do with you. Don’t feel so blue. This is nothing new. Wherever, whatever. I just want my chance to be happier. It is nothing personal. I’m just tired of living in denial... (Jakarta, March 14, 2013 – 11:45 pm)

29 March 2013, 04:54 PM
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"EASY-BREEZY"

You have spoken of an easy-breezy life somewhere in an earthly paradise. It feels like a distant land, although my feet once touched the sand. "Come," you have invited me. "I know you have longed for a room to breathe; a decent space for you to be your own version of beauty." The choice has always been mine. I refuse to believe that I have crossed anybody's line. This is my life, after all. My path should not be blocked by their makeshift walls. I am still longing for tha...

26 March 2013, 10:57 AM
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FROM THE AUDIENCE: ADAM LAMBERT'S "WE ARE THE GLAMILY TOUR" - MARCH 10, 2013 - SKEENO, GANDARIA CITY, SOUTH JAKARTA, INDONESIA

"ADAM LAMBERT'S 'WE ARE THE GLAMILY TOUR' - MARCH 10, 2013 - SKEENO, GANDARIA CITY, SOUTH JAKARTA, INDONESIA" First of all, I would like to thank Chic Magazine for having made me one of the winners who earned a free ticket to see Adam Lambert's "We Are Glamily Tour". At sometime after 8:30 pm, the show began. I was also very lucky to get to be on the front row - very close to the stage. I took pictures, although perhaps I am not much of a photographer. With his band (Lead Guitar: To...

12 March 2013, 09:32 AM
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AN ODD PAIR

I don't think I can ever look at my life the same way again. A lot of things have changed rapidly. I just hope that I can keep up with the pace. First of all, I met Bello last year - on my first trip to The Island of The Gods with my best friend T. The two had had a brief 'history'. Back then, they both were still friends. Well, sort of. Then, there was the 'last kiss goodbye' which had mixed up the whole 'easy-breezy' friendship. T thought there was still a possibility for a real relations...

10 March 2013, 07:03 AM
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FROM THE ESCAPADE...

I've gone from my parents' house to my uncle's in Warung Buncit and back lately. This week is the last. I don't know when I'll get the chance to do that again. Hopefully soon enough... Why? Well, for the last month, I've been assigned to teach this company class at 8:00 am in Kuningan - only a few blocks away from the building where I work in. (A fifteen-minute walk, to be exact.) Thursday was our very last meeting. I still don't know whether they'd like to extend the course or not. The...

08 March 2013, 10:40 AM
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THE BLACK SHEEP?

Sometimes I hate the term "there's a calm before a storm". Really, that doesn't sound comforting at all. It makes us feel paranoid. I don't get it. Just when I've begun to accept myself, enjoy my life,and be happy - something else always comes up. After quite a while, I thought that my own family had given up on pestering me with two things about me which they still consider as 'disgraceful' : 1.My heavy-weight. 2.My single status at the age of 31. I've reached the point where I've g...

05 March 2013, 03:38 PM
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DEAR 'BELLO'

Dear 'Bello', It has felt like ages already since I last saw you. I know I sound exaggerating. You are still on the island of the gods, while I am still stuck in Big Durian. Sorry I still cannot make it there soon yet. So many things here keep getting me in my way. I know it sounds lame, but it is true. I wish I could be there now too. How are you, dear? I hope life is treating you well there. The last time we really exchanged a small talk (like we mostly do, what with the distance and t...

01 March 2013, 07:39 AM
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"A (LIVING?) NIGHTMARE FOR A FREE-SPIRITED, CLAUSTROPHOBIC IDEALIST"

"A (LIVING?) NIGHTMARE FOR A FREE-SPIRITED, CLAUSTROPHOBIC IDEALIST" The thick, brick walls stand in a circle, closing in on me. They seem endlessly high, way up above. I'm hyperventilating, dying to break free. Will my tiny fists be enough? Over and over, against these walls, my pounding fists thunder. There are no windows and doors. Please, don't let me be trapped here forever! An evil laughter rings in my ear, as my knuckles start to bleed. It snickers:"You can't break ...

26 February 2013, 06:07 PM
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"BAD NEWS"

I don't know how to tell you; for too long I've been dying to say. The last time I spoke the truth, you breathed fire and pushed me away. Tell me, how long must we live like this? Perhaps it's just different things we see. There's too much that we've missed. I know what I need to say, as much as I'm aware of the consequences. Sadly, there's always a bitter price to pay, even when one has used their common sense. I guess I have to do what I have to do. That's why I've got b...

26 February 2013, 05:29 PM
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"THE SILENT TREATMENT"

We don't talk about feelings anymore. We just go about our days, pretending everything's okay. You once said this was the only way. We don't talk about what really matters. You believe it's for the better. I'm tired of hiding behind these masks. What makes you think our little charade will last? We don't talk a lot. No, not that much. Even if we do, I'm not sure all we say is true. We don't talk. It's all snippets of daily mundanes. We're too afraid of dealing with the pai...

21 February 2013, 07:26 AM
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"SO LONG, 'SANCTUARY' "

I have never been (treated) a princess all my life. I don't think I'll ever fit the role. However, I'm also unsure about calling myself a warrior, although you've always believed that I am Ms.Independent - ever since we met. I know it's kind of annoying that I need to be reminded that I DO have the power to carry on. You know how the world is with me here. You have seen how I was and helped me to become how I am now. We both know there are still more miles to go and I am not about to give u...

20 February 2013, 11:10 AM
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"ONE CREEPY FLASHBACK"

How did you know that I loved you so? No, you didn't. I just hung out with you as often as I could. Not much I could do. How would you know, when this has only been as far as I could go? They said I should've done more than just one show. Telling you the truth might have given you more clues. How do you know that I still love you so? No, you don't. Even if you do, it won't do us any good. I hope you never will, so I can have this killed. Don't worry, I'm not standing stil...

12 February 2013, 08:32 AM
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"SEARCHING FOR YOUR SMILE"

I've been searching for your smile; I think I've seen in for a while. Where did it go? Why don't you let it show? I know I've taken your smile for granted. For years, it has gone under-appreciated. I guess I am also one of your ungrateful brats, having failed to see you as my greatest gift from God. Tell me now: Have we forever lost it somehow? You still go about your days, pretending everything is still okay. I understand that we have to keep moving. The clock is ticking. ...

10 February 2013, 08:47 AM
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