"MY INDEPENDENCE"

I suppose I've gained my independence, having my personal stance in life as it is although not always full of bliss. It's the choices I make responsibilities I take in hopes that there's no heart to break. It's all for my own sake. "I believe that you can live your own life," she once said to me. "You're the kind to always riseto challenges and responsibilities." I'm glad she has got faith in me. That's all I need to hold on to, you see? I can be whom I want to be. I answer to nobody. "Mis...

18 August 2015, 10:25 PM
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"LOOKING FOR YOU IN THE CROWD"

I still have that habit of looking for you in the crowd. They all say that I've got to move on. It's true, but what can I do? Sometimes I can't really help myself. I miss you. I'm surrounded by these familiar places and scenes. Restaurants where we'd gone to eat. Coffee-shops where we'd hung out. (Seriously, I still frequent those places sometimes, ordering that strong, black coffee that you fancy.) The crowd we know. The people who miss you too. They don't know how I really feel about you,...

17 August 2015, 02:34 PM
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"TRUE (STILL MISSING YOU)"

Speak to me with words of kindness Comfort me with sweet messages It seems that I haven't heard your voice in ages This city has chased away your gentleness When will I see you again? If only you knew that missing you has been a pain Thank God I'm strong enough to play-a-pretend I don't care if we'd only hang out as old friends Hopefully soon, even if it's only once in a blue moon. For you, there's always one room where your existence won't cause me gloom. I'm longing to see you and hear y...

15 August 2015, 09:27 PM
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"OUT OF THE BLUE (FROM YOU)"

Me: "Saw your picture with Vincent and Vinny. So they're visiting you. How are you?" Him:"I'm fine, thanks. How are you? Are you going to Duma's wedding?" (Duma's our friend and former co-worker. She's getting married to her boyfriend David and their wedding will take place on September 13.) Me:"I'm all good, thanks. Yeah, I'm going to Duma's wedding. Are you?" Him:"Yeah. We can go together.:)" Me:"I'd love to.:D" (My heart races.) Him:"Great.:)" I'm not dreaming, am I? Did he just ask me...

15 August 2015, 08:46 PM
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"TO THE 'KNOW-IT-ALLS' "

I may have already written something like this before, some time ago. I may not and I could have forgotten. I remember reading a short travel article (perhaps based on a real experience) about an American family on a safari in an African country. (Sorry I forgot which one exactly.) One night while they were sitting around a bonfire, one of the kids saw a pair of shining eyes looking at them in the dark before they vanished. When they told their parents, their tour guide said something so chi...

14 August 2015, 04:07 AM
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"ONLINE BULLIES, INTERNET TROLLS"

Don't. Let them write/type/post/say whatever they want. Choose what you (want to) view online. After that, find your own way to move on. Don't. You don't have to take them seriously. They just want your attention, you see? Leave no room for their negativity and insecurities. You deserve to be happy. You can't please everybody. It's time to set your mind free. Their unhappiness with their own personal lives is none of your responsibility. Are they still talking about you? Do you think so to...

12 August 2015, 07:04 AM
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“THE BALLAD OF THE PHILOPHOBIC LOGOPHILE "

Okay, so I don’t really know why I started calling myself that. The Philophobic Logophile. I suppose you can say that I love letters and words. I always read and write. My three jobs (writing, translating, and teaching) require a lot of reading and writing. I guess I’m still quite a cynic / skeptic when it comes to...love / romance. (Which one is which? See, I’m confusing myself again.) The weird thing is, I can’t even define how I feel about this. Am I sad? Am I happy? Do I feel so content...

10 August 2015, 02:12 PM
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"I'LL TAKE THE PAIN"

I’ll take the pain, all trials for all my errors Let these spiritual wounds be washed away by Your Healing Rain I didn’t understand what it was for, for I’ve been such a mighty, hideous fool before. Now I know. It’s not that You Don’t Love Me So. Sometimes You just want me to take a break, and other times You Know how my heart silently aches So yes, I’ll take the pain in hopes that You’ll Erase all my sins away Aameen ya rabbal ‘aalameen... R. (Jakarta, 9/8/2015 – 9:05 pm)

10 August 2015, 08:45 AM
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"UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?"

“UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?” (Portraits of Reality) I love you. You love me. We love each other. Just like everyone who’s in love. They love one another. So what’s the big deal? We often think it’s just about us. They don’t (really) matter. In a way, it’s true. However, it’s not always so. I’m sure you and I know. I love you. You love me. It’s supposed to be that easy. But who are we kidding? We’re still two different people. We want different things. We don’t always see eye-to-eye, although w...

08 August 2015, 01:18 PM
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"THE PHILOPHOBIC LOGOPHILE"

What if I told you that I loved you like how grateful I am that the sun still shines every day? It’s so corny, they’d say. Everything’s already been re-written for too many times nowadays. What if I told you that I loved you like the moon overcomes the darkness above? Would that be enough? It may be just the same old stuff. What if I told you that I loved you like the most beautiful lyrics to a famous love song? Would it be wrong? What if I can’t keep this too long? What if I can’t find an...

07 August 2015, 09:11 PM
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"WHEN FRIENDSHIP ISN'T ABOUT NUMBERS..."

Some people love being surrounded by other people, even as many as possible. Perhaps they can’t stand being alone, especially too long. Perhaps they truly believe in the idea of “strength in numbers”, which is sometimes true. Some people love being by themselves. They’re often labelled (or perhaps ‘misunderstood’ or judged) as selfish, uncompromising, reclusive, weird, or...autistic. (Sadly, this insulting term often comes from stupid, thoughtless, and ignorant Indonesians who are even alrea...

07 August 2015, 05:44 PM
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"WELCOMING AUGUST"

Time flies. All of a sudden, it’s already August again. So, what’s in August? I celebrated Hazel Eyes’ 38th birthday – with L, of course. The three of us gathered in the living room outside Hazel Eyes’ room on the third floor, cutting and eating the avocado-and-chocolate flavoured cake from our boss Matt and his wife Ati. That was really nice. (But then again, I’m quite a foodie.) Then the three of us went to the karaoke place. It was fun. There’s more to come, I’m sure. I feel like I’m ge...

06 August 2015, 04:33 AM
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"I'M AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE"

I'm afraid to fall in love This may be nothing new I've always mentioned this in my prayers to You no matter what I do I'm afraid to fall in love Isn't this obvious enough? Love has been such a foreign, distant world leaving me an outcast, an estranged and indifferent girl I'm afraid to fall in love although they keep saying I shouldn't be After all, You've given all of us that for free but why does it keep hurting me? I've been too afraid to fall in love so please, do me a favour: Don't e...

05 August 2015, 05:22 AM
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"A CHANGE OF HEART"

As skeptical as this may sound to you, I always find the promise of 'forever' impossible, almost rather absurd. Why? This life has never been a fairy tale. I suppose that's why some people who are aware of this often use "(hopefully) for the rest of my/our life/lives" or "I'll do my best" instead of "forever" or "for eternity". After all, we're merely mortals. We also (tend to) have a change of heart. Don't believe it? Go back to your past, like childhood and teenage years. I bet you'd reca...

01 August 2015, 07:50 AM
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"THE (BROKEN?) PERSONAL MIRROR

Sometimes we're too busy trying to fix everything around us while forgetting to see what's more important to make a fuss about What lies in front of us are more visible open to constant scrutiny and criticisms that might lead to a form of judgment and more unnecessary trouble Don't get too caught up forcing others to stop by a giant mirror while yours is cracked or broken so badly, that you think you needn't look closer... R.

30 July 2015, 07:27 AM
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"LAST WEEK..."

I'd stayed home until Monday. I left to return to my old rented room after that. I caught up with Mark and Tiara (and their first son Baby Timmy and Tiara's older sister Fika) for lunch on Tuesday afternoon at Kuningan City. We had lunch at Imperial Kitchen, where I ordered Shanghai fried chicken and hot tea. I also got to carry Baby Timmy in my arms before he started crying for mommy. He's so tiny. Hehe, okay. After that, we split for a while. The sisters went for shopping for baby clothe...

28 July 2015, 08:44 AM
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"THE BLACK(ENED) HEART"

I spotted you...oh, lonely heart standing out from the rest, growing apart What's with the distance? Don't let this be your one and only, final stance Reality has badly tainted you Now you're all black and blue What to do? Can you go back to what was once so true? Oh, lonely and black(ened) heart How did you get to turn so dark? You're such a frightening sight I wonder if you still have that chance to be alright I hope you're not mine, because I just want to be fine R. (Jakarta, 27/7/201...

28 July 2015, 07:26 AM
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"CHILDREN OF TODAY"

What are the children of today mostly like? Surely, everyone has something to say. Of course opinions may vary. Do you find most kids nowadays are such whiny, ungrateful brats? Well, before you start pointing fingers as always, why don't you take a look in the mirror first? Who? Not just parents, but all of you (who claim to be) adults in the environment where children live. First of all, are all adults really mature / real grown-ups? I know that's such a stupid question, but let's make tha...

24 July 2015, 08:21 AM
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"YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING"

You don't need to know how I wake up in the morning and where I might go Let me do my things You don't need to wonder what he's doing today You should know better when he just doesn't want to say You don't have to be all curious about what she might be thinking Anyway, honesty always makes you feel furious even when you're not really considerate of other people's feelings Let's just make this clear This is not always about you here It's not you that we fear It's just things that are no lon...

24 July 2015, 06:07 AM
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"IN TRANSITION..."

I vaguely recall being in transition before. This isn't my first time, I know, but it's never felt this intense...so intense that I have a really difficult time fighting back my own tears. Right. You have no idea what I'm talking about. I also have trouble putting this into words. I'll still give this a try, though. So, Hazel Eyes and L are finally - and "officially" as he put it - together. The three of us had gone to Jakarta Fair 2015 on June 30 together. It was quite...awkward. Don't get...

22 July 2015, 05:53 AM
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