That feeling

You know that awful feeling - loneliness? When everybody against you. I mean everebody including your mother or father or immediate family. So, you're alone without money, residence and no people who will take care of you. You feel a big hole in your chest. Feel like only you live now in the world and at the same moment like you're dead. What can i do with that?

18 July 2014, 09:58 AM
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1 comment: adalhaidis

Time of change

After I read all my notes here i want to kill myself. Lol. No, i don't mean it. Most of time i say that "i changed" "something new hapenned to me". Like stupid one :D Actually, at my age it's time of Greate changes for everybody. This time of formation of the personality. So, you don't blame me, blame hormones. And if you at my age don't be afraid of things like that. You're not stupid blonde girl in pink who cares only about nails and hair.

10 April 2014, 01:54 PM
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1 love: krim2k
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New feelings

I don't know what's wrong with me. But today i woke up and felt the world in different way. Coffe, sandwich, air, everything was amazing to me. Maybe love can be so affected me. It sounds strange. I can't explain it. Maybe i'm getting older or wiser. Wow, stop, at my age? I'm only 18. What are you talking about, Mary? I'm sure something happened to me. Something changed.

10 April 2014, 01:40 PM
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Reality

So sad. I understand that I will never be the first and only for somebody. Because everytime when i meet smb i become odd man out. You know it's very painfully. You can't do anything with that. Just bd time. But it happens EVERY EVERY fucking time.

01 February 2014, 04:35 PM
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The moment

At one moment i recognised everything. I recognised that i am the girl. That i am not an ugly one. You know, boys in Russia try to make girls think that they're the important thing in the world. Try to not fall down and be like others. Either do i. But most of people from Russia think that i am strange girl. But actually i am only not like them. I don't like to be usual russian girl. They not stupid but they think narrowly. They try to be like others and at the same moment they scream about...

26 January 2014, 02:26 PM
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1 comment: adalhaidis

Unforgetable weekends

It was the strangest weekends in my life. We went with my friend to club. Got drunk and somebody stole my iPhone and 100 euro. Fuck him! I'm loooooser, again. So i'll never go there again. And i advice you to not go there without boyfriends and with telephones and money :D

19 January 2014, 09:03 AM
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Like to be

I would like to be person with talant or talants. I want to be more honest and confident in myself. I want to be more different. Because actually i don't know who i am. Someone said that i'm the wisest and cleverest girl. The opposite told that I have the worst character in the world and I have to change myself if do not, then i'll never have boyfriend or friends. So, i don't know what i should do and must do. And who am i.

14 January 2014, 11:28 AM
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1 love: maryjennings98
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Long day

It was too long day. The lessons were very slow and boring. But it gave me a lot of time to think about many things. For example, about new generation which will be after us. So this thought made me panic. If whores will stay after us, we had no choice except kill ourselves. And this day gave me a lot of homework for tomorrow at phisics lesson.

14 January 2014, 11:15 AM
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1 love: maryjennings98
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Leave

I really miss Lapland and mum. And i wanna see some guys from another countries. Since they're good friends. I prefer guys to girls. Because guys are honest and more kind then girls. So i wanna leave my native country any way. I have to pull myself together and do it! But actually i'm worried about my relationships with guys like boyfriend. I don't have anyone - it lowers my self-esteem, i know if i would have any way it doesn't really help me because i want to leave this country.

13 January 2014, 11:42 PM
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1 love: mary.belova
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What is my way?

Everybody have their individuality. I'm not. I don't how they and you get it. But i'm interested how they do it. How people know which way they must choose? Is it intuition? instinct? or someone tell them? I really don't know what i must choose in this part of my life. How i can get it? Do I need it or not? What time comes the understanding that it is your way? Have it time to comes or it just arises in the mind?

13 January 2014, 11:11 PM
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1 love: maryjennings98
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My first time

Now i understand that i'd made mistake. Not like a small mistake. I made MISTAKE. He was selfish. Not was, he is. But i understood it only now. Before i can't imagine tho since i was in love. But at my first time he do all in right way. So i can say thanks to god, that he was my "first boy".

13 January 2014, 07:26 PM
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Ready

You will never be ready when something happens. So you have to accept it, as due. But almost everytime we do the opposite and it doesn't help us. It is confuses us. Will you be ready to be parents or do something new? Actually no, but any way you can try it. Simply for the sake of interest. I don't know why i wrote this. But always do what you want and what your heart want. Never listen somebody else.

13 January 2014, 04:02 PM
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1 love: maryjennings98
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Something new

After my winter holidays and visiting Lapland i think i'm changed. Not i think, i'm sure. I wanna leave Moscow. But i can't do it now, i know it. And this knowledge disappoint me. Actually, i want to change my style, myself and something more. Like my character. But again i don't sure about everything. I have to deal with myself.

13 January 2014, 03:54 PM
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