Journal_pane_9670091391361544

GRRRRR

This is really just a rant but I had to get it out. My bf does the laundry every Sunday and I guess I should be thankful that he does anything at all but I hate when he does my laundry. He piles all my clothes on top of my laundry basket and he never washes the sheets and towels. Yesterday I washed all the sheets and towels, I even washed the couch throws and what did he do? He took everything out of the dryer and piled it up in the closet on top of my clothes. Seriously, I mean couldn't ...

02 February 2014, 05:19 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091391010145

Hurt and sad

I lost my mother who was my best friend in 2011 and it has been very hard for me to get through. I have family but I am not close with any of them except one cousin. She lives in Ohio and I go to visit her sometimes. I have wanted to move to Ohio for decades, in fact my mother and I talked about it all the time. Well now my mom is gone and I though I would move to be closer to the only family I really have, but I found out the other day that my cousin doesn't want me to move there. She di...

29 January 2014, 03:42 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091390838363

A letter

I have some things that I would like to tell you but every time I try you just turn it around and make it me or that you have done nothing wrong. There are 3 things that you talk about and only 3 things. Money, you don't have any, you have to save more, how are you going to pay the bills, you tell me, "you are an idiot, when it comes to money." You talk about saving for when you get old, you say I spend frivolously. You talk and talk about how we have no money. I think maybe you need to o...

27 January 2014, 03:59 PM
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1 love: persephone
2 comments: persephone,iseethemoon
Journal_pane_9670091390236649

Moving on

This past week my bf has done and said some things that have made me very angry. Angry enough to feel in my heart that the love that I had for him has faded. I am currently unemployed and rely on him for money. He pays the house bills but gives me not one red cent to but anything, in fact he refused to put his money on his debit card because he knows that I have the number, so I could not get to any of his money then when told him we needed groceries he insisted on going with me so I would...

20 January 2014, 04:50 PM
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2 comments: novijayanti95,iseethemoon
Journal_pane_9670091388679460

I want to...

put away my Christmas decorations. I love Christmas but this past Christmas I was so unhappy that I hated it and now I am done and want to put all of the decoration away and move forward. I am still sad and the other day I went to the vet and cried all the way home. I don't know why but that is what I did. I guess I am going to go put them away now, everything tucked in their boxes for a long summers nap.

02 January 2014, 04:17 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091388515712

Happy New Year?

They say it takes 2 weeks for an antidepressant to fully take effect, why? I am also wondering if hormone shots can mess with your emotional state? I guess I am really just looking for an answer to the fact that I am not happy, but I know the answer... my mom died. Last year I started seeing a psychologist, she told me that not many people have a bond like me and my mother had and that I may never feel better. I know that sounds really depressing to think of this going on forever but I kn...

31 December 2013, 06:48 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091388250080

I don't understand

I am usually a happy person and most of the time I don't stay depressed for long, but this time it seems that I am perpetually depressed. I just can't seem to get away from it. I have tried many things but I wake up in the morning and there it is again, this unhappy, depressed, feel like crying feeling. I love to decorate for the holidays but this Christmas, I hate it and I want to take all my decorations down. I was so happy to get them up but then my happiness faded and now all I can th...

28 December 2013, 05:01 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091388171562

1 of my dreams

I was taking a nap and I had this dream. It started out, I was walking on a sidewalk, it was cold so I had on a black coat and there was snow on the ground. I decided to close my eyes and as I walked I could hear people running by and cars, at one point I could hear someone walking towards me so I kinda flinched because I was afraid I might run into them. I walked and walked and ended up on the street my mom's house was on. I walked up the street in the snow but it was really deep so I h...

27 December 2013, 07:12 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091387897315

Christmas Eve

Well it's Christmas eve and my house is still a huge mess. I feel terrible, well physically and emotionally. I just don't feel like doing anything. Last night I came home and just fell asleep on the couch, when I should have been cleaning, my bf well he just ironed his clothes and wrapped presents for his friends. I was in a good mood yesterday and now I just feel back to yuck, blah and I just want to curl up and read my book.

24 December 2013, 03:02 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091387813973

Cousin

The only real family that I have left that i talk to is my cousin. She is awesome. I have been so sad and yesterday I called her and we talked. I immediately started feeling better. I still can't make my bf understand what its like to miss someone so much you want to die. I just don't think he has the depth of feeling. I don't understand that at all, how someone can be so void of emotions that nothing seems to affect them, it's like being beyond stoic. I would love to not feel the bad,...

23 December 2013, 03:53 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091387728407

Mystery

I live in a house that I bought for cash. I live with a man that makes $62 thousand dollars a year but some how he is broke, always. Yes, he pays the utilities, but I am limited to what i can spend at the grocery store, and I can't buy clothes, or books or anything he considers frivolous. He doesn't fix anything around the house, he doesn't maintain the house, clean the house, or any of the things that owning a house requires. He works at a car dealership but my car is falling apart. My ...

22 December 2013, 04:06 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091387726047

Lexapro

I have decided to go back to taking Lexapro. I took it after my mother died and recently I stopped. I thought I could do this on my own but really I am a mess. I started going to a new Dr. which I really like but he took me off the lex and started giving me hormone shots, (hysterectomy 4 years ago) In the beginning the shots worked great and I didn't feel that I needed the Lexapro but now as you can see from my previous entries I cry and cry and when I told the Dr. this he just gave me an...

22 December 2013, 03:27 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091387689595

Decorating

I have been wondering why I am so depressed these days and I might have figured it out. My mom always loved Christmas and so do I but this year I haven't decorated yet. I am so behind and it makes me sad that I am so un organized about everything in my life these days. I have decided that maybe I have a place to start to fix my depression... get organized. Oh and eat this strange piece of cake someone made for my boyfriend. It's good but a little weird. OXOXOX

22 December 2013, 05:20 AM
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Journal_pane_9670091387651934

wear your pearls

My mother once told me that the best way to fight the blues was to get dressed and wear your pearls. I bought myself a black pearl ring as a Christmas gift to myself and I am going to wear it today. I got dressed in a cute dress and even put on my mom's black pearl necklace. I am going to go buy a Christmas tree and it is all cloudy and cold out, I love cloudy weather so I refuse to cry anymore... today.

21 December 2013, 06:52 PM
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Journal_pane_9670091387642862

Unhappiness

It is Christmas and I usually love Christmas but this year I am so sad. I cry and cry all the time. I pray, I even went to church with my Dr. and still I can't stop crying. Sometimes I feel like killing myself just to make the unhappiness stop. I know I would never kill myself but if I could just make everything stop for a tiny bit so I could figure out how to fix things. I don't know what I want, I don't know who I want to be all I know is what I once was and that was happy and I could ...

21 December 2013, 04:21 PM
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1 love: lorenahdz97
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Journal_pane_9670091387558279

I want to get away

Is it wrong to dislike his family because they are trashy people? I was raised with China and silverware, we had roast beef for Christmas and turkey on nice dishes at the dinning room table. His family eats on paper plates, no green veggies, and they have over cooked cheap ham for ever occasion. Nobody sits at the table and the TV is always on, always! They don't read books, ever. I did not grow up in a mansion, my family was middle class, but we had Sunday brunch, we read books, loved a...

20 December 2013, 04:51 PM
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1 love: lorenahdz97
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Journal_pane_9670091387556682

Not the same

Hello, I am new here and i have to get some things out of my head. I have been dating the same guy for 16 years and we are not married (I don't want to marry him anymore) but he has never asked. We come from very different backgrounds and this is starting to destroy our relationship.

20 December 2013, 04:24 PM
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