9/25/10 Still never going to school...

There's supposed to be wine at work tonight so I guess that's enough motivation to go.

25 September 2014, 05:48 PM
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9/22/14 - I'm back.

Sorry it's been like 3 months or so, I've just been working and trying to get my grind back in school although it's not really working. I got a new job at another salon I love so much more. I got prescribed Zoloft and Klonopin so I can say I'm doing pretty fucking good.

22 September 2014, 02:40 PM
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6/29/14 I know it's been a couple weeks.

I'm not doing good. I been losing so much weight, I'm literally wasting away. At this point I kind of hope I do just drift away. Everything has gone down hill. School is STILL shit and work has became a place of hell. All I did was ask my boss for a raise and his personality towards me shifted and now I get treated like a lowly piece of shit at work. I cry every single day when I'm working there. I hate everything, I'm so miserable. I don't even know if I'm even excited for Florida tomorrow a...

29 June 2014, 02:17 PM
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6/5/14 Oh so happy.

Today I was cuddling with Trevor and I told him I still loved him and he said he still loved me too. <3 <3 <3

06 June 2014, 03:17 AM
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6/1/14 Helping a friend in a time of need really helped me feel good about myself.

Today I went to see Esther because she broke up with her boyfriend and was so upset. I took care of her, did her makeup to make her feel beautiful, listened to her, comforted her, and we sat outside tanning. I even gave her the last of my weed. Luckily I am close to Esther's boyfriend so I was able to talk to him and mediate the situation so they would get back together. Esther is one of my best friends. I understand her because she's a lot like me and we give each other honest advice. We're ...

02 June 2014, 03:12 AM
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5/27/14 I got kicked out of class twenty minutes before the day was over for fucking texting.

But I don't care I'm rollinggggggggg!

28 May 2014, 02:57 AM
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5/26/14 I was really sad this morning but then everything got better this afternoon.

I was laying in bed really depressed over Trevor but then Esther called me inviting me to go down the shore with her, her boyfriend, and her friend Nicole. So I got my ass out of bed, bought the cutest bathing suit at Target, and headed over to meet up with them. The shore trip was exactly what I needed I felt so much better getting some sun. I even talked to Trevor today and things seem a little better. I guess we're just taking a couple steps back right now until we work things out. I'm gon...

27 May 2014, 03:00 AM
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5/25/14 I miss Trevor.

:'(

26 May 2014, 01:53 AM
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5/23/14 I think about death more than most people.

I don't see myself living to be very old. I can't even see myself making it to thirty. I just know I'm going to die young. I always think in my head and picture vivid scenarios how am I going to die, as if it was happening next week. These are considered good dreams to have at night. I truly wish it was real that I get genuinely upset when I wake up from them in the morning. In my scenarios I usually imagine lots of people at my funeral crying on how they wish they treated me better or respec...

24 May 2014, 02:57 AM
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5/22/14 I'd do anything to not go to school today.

I don't want to deal with anyone anymore.

22 May 2014, 12:04 PM
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5/21/14 I CANNOT TAKE THIS FUCKING SCHOOL ANYMORE

I've tried obtaining an education after high school THREE FUCKING TIMES. Once at a college in Rhode Island in which I dropped out two months later, another time where I went to a local college for not even a year and flunked out, and now I'm at this fucking cosmetology school. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to finish this program because I'm running out of options here and I love the beauty industry. I just don't thrive in a school setting I'm not studious to the least and if I don't get paid,...

22 May 2014, 02:27 AM
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5/19/14 Maybe the Lexapro Esther's friend gave me Saturday night is working.

My therapist and I had a nice chat today. I really do trust her, she understands what I'm going through. I told her about my drunk klonopin antics Saturday night. I was expecting her to judge me for being a drunken drug addict but she didn't at all. She's helping me establish small goals to get myself back up. Trevor texted me today and we had a nice convo. Maybe we're going back to being best friends. Anyway, I went to his house tonight and it was just like old times. We were laughing about ...

20 May 2014, 03:07 AM
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5/19/14 What's the point?

Didn't go to school. Fuck it. I graduate when I graduate I don't give a shit. I'm too fucking miserable to put up with anyone's shit at the stupid fucking school today. I only got 4 hours until I go see my therapist again thank god I need her like a crackwhore needs dick for crack.

19 May 2014, 05:07 PM
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5/18/14 Holy fucking shit what happened last night?

Well, in order to lift my spirits up I went to see my friend Esther who lives about 45 minutes away from me. We became friends when I used to go to college and we know each other's group of friends. Anyway, last night we ended up going to this kid's GIANT house and started drinking. I took one of Esther's k-pins to curb my Xanax and Viibryd withdrawals. Well, I was FIENIN for some more pills but Esther cut me off knowing I was extremely drunk and I was losing it. I kept drinking assuming I co...

18 May 2014, 11:31 PM
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5/16/14 I. Can't. Find. My. Meds.

Guess I'm going off them cold turkey now. Holy shit I think I'm going to die.

16 May 2014, 12:01 PM
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5/16/14 Stupid fucking Trevor.

Okay, NOW let me tell you about who Trevor is, and why he has built yet ruined my life at the same time. Long story short, we went to high school together. We didn't become friends until senior year when we got thrown into the same remedial science class and instantly became friends. Once after we graduated, we became closer and closer until you could even say we became best friend status. I ALWAYS knew he liked me but I was too busy dating complete assholes. I'm not gonna get into that. Anyw...

16 May 2014, 08:21 AM
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5/16/14 Hello new friend.

Another sleepless night. It's 3:08am to be exact. Chances are I won't fall back asleep until 4 or so. The idea that I am cutting my Viibryd in half (20mg to 10mg) tomorrow terrifies me. I'm out of Xanax too and my stupid fucking doctor didn't even write me another prescription for some more because "I can't solely rely on Xanax everyday." Well what difference does it make, I was addicted to Xanax long before I started seeing his ass in the first place. The idea of withdrawal terrifies me. I w...

16 May 2014, 07:50 AM
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5/15/14 My therapist told me to do this.

Don't get my wrong, I love my therapist. She's really funny and listens to me rant and rant about the war going on in my fucking head. Well, she's paid to listen, after all. Dr. Sarah gets me. I asked to see her on an emergency visit today because I been cutting myself again and Trevor broke up with me. But let's talk about him later. I'm too tired to really get worked up thinking about him right now. Showing my therapist the cuts on my hands and wrists gave me an odd feeling. Sort of how a w...

16 May 2014, 02:37 AM
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