Lost in emotions

I don't even know what I feel anymore. As soon as I think I understand what I want and what I need. It all changes. My emotions,my thoughts. I should be focusing on all the all parts of my life but love just seems to consume my life. My past and what to do in my present. I dont know what I need nor what I want anymore.Some days I feel broken and lost,others I felel like I found what I want and I dont know what to do..I don't...I hate this..I hate feeling broken.

20 March 2015, 07:11 AM
l
2 loves: therealme,janetc
3 comments: therealme,janetc

Broken

I'm falling apart...its ironic how I was the one always asking you for more. I was the one begging to be with me but now look I'm the one who left. I kept telling myself it was the right thing. Everyone around me disapproved of you,of us but you god damn were truly an important part of my life. I dont like knowing you still cared for me,that you still loved me and I left. I keep telling myself its the right to do but why do I have tears. Why do I feel broken. I wanted to love you and be with ...

08 February 2015, 06:07 PM
l
love
comment

Begging for time

“Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.” I found this quote and all I could think is how it describes us perfectly. Or at least it describes my behalf. We truly do not agree on anything. We used to have fun converstations,it wasn't always debates and lessons you were teaching me. I learned quickly after it started changing though that it didn't matter what you thought of my music,because I always ...

10 December 2014, 12:42 PM
l
love
comment

Saying Goodbye to Love

I love you even if youre not the one I'm supposed to love forever. I feel it. Youre my life lesson. & damn does that hurt. You are going to be the guy,let me correct that the man that finally opens my eyes. To stop falling for "guys"for actions and words,stop expecting from people. I'm already a whole another person because of you but I feel it...I'm not going to let you go and I dont want you to leave but deep in my heart its sad that I know the thin string of love that holds this together i...

02 December 2014, 08:47 AM
l
2 loves: blaqkn8,janetc
3 comments: mihnevics,blaqkn8,Elena8

The Perfect Hello

It's been a two hour drive of pouring rain. All I'm looking forward to is to be able to see you again.I'm bundled up,trying to prevent from being soaked,dragging my luggage,purse and food to your door. You texted me previous you left the door unlocked. It's so nautral at this point. I let myself in. I put my stuff down and there you are shirtless,hair slightly messy,bright green eyes. I smile. I brought you food,asked you if you were hungry,but you weren't so I kept fridge.Took off my shoes,p...

25 November 2014, 12:38 AM
l
1 love: janetc
comment
Journal_pane_9757911415832582

Abstract or Black and White

I'm in love with thee most beautiful human being. I cannot describe it other than the mere evidence of the way my body trembles,how my heart races,how all and any worries seem to disappear with him in my presence.I try and make it evident that I am deeply in love with this man. I would go to any and all extents to see him happy. It always comes back to this though...this horrendous feeling of not being enough,feeling as if I'm not what he wants. Is it my self confidence or is it his harsh vie...

12 November 2014, 10:50 PM
l
love
comment
Journal_pane_9757911413348590

Loss

How do we approach it with gratitude. Be thankful for the memories,the good moments. I'm selfish...I want more. I don't want to let go. It hurts...Losing my grandma hurt and I'm still working through it. Now my childhood pet a near month later. I feel as if my whole entire past,my childhood is falling apart. I'm extremely broken. Its hard to feel together anymore. I escape and avoid my family. They just remind me of the pain. I'm running away...like always. Avoiding reality. It just hurts......

15 October 2014, 05:49 AM
l
2 loves: wonderaroundtilidie,Hypercondriac_M3
comment

love and fate

Fate brings people into our lives but its up to us to decide who gets to stay.

08 October 2014, 10:51 AM
l
1 love: wonderaroundtilidie
comment

Present

The deep green of your eyes,like a murky swamp. I'm looking for something,anything left living inside. Will you let me in this time? Am I allowed to see what you see? Flaw by flaw you lay out in front of me. I am doomed. For your flaws are my desire. For your mind and thoughts are my textbook. For your touch is a vicious yet beautiful addiction. Curious to the day I will ever be able to leave you behind. I throw the idea of worry of past or future tense away from my mind. For you only deserve...

26 August 2014, 05:53 AM
l
1 love: wonderaroundtilidie
comment

Confusion.

Never have I ever been so scared. I've been so lost for so long. I forgot what happiness is,but is this it? Am I lying to myself to convince myself that this is it. I wnat this,I think I want this. Talking to him makes me smile not talking to him,makes me feel empty...is this another dependence to someone. I'm scared I may be falling for someone but yet at the same time I'm scared I'm just lying to myself to be okay again. I just want to understand my emotions for once.

01 August 2014, 09:27 AM
l
2 loves: lifeandthoughts,wonderaroundtilidie
comment
Journal_pane_9757911404644700

Waiting

I continue to sit here and allow myself to wait for an escape. Diversions and distractions from reality. I mask the truth. I'm full of sickness. I'm full of something I can't handle being. I say hello to lust and give it the name of love. I'm waiting to be okay. Waiting and waiting.... The past catches up,the distractions add up. I'm lost in my own mixed emotions. No longer do I have knowledge of the true concept of what is love,what is happiness,what is being instead of feeling. I will conti...

06 July 2014, 12:05 PM
l
1 love: wonderaroundtilidie
comment
Journal_pane_9757911402333358

Limitations

Freedom. Oh how I yearn to be on my own,not because I desire to partake in society's laws and given do and don'ts to fit into this world. I don't want the stress of bills and worries of what ties us down. I want freedom in the sense of exploring the world with no finaical worries. I want freedom to visit and see other human beings. I want to be able to live with an open mind without feeling like its wrong. Socialize with people who can understand my mindset and thoughts. I hate this confined ...

09 June 2014, 06:02 PM
l
love
comment
Journal_pane_9757911401753584

Captured

It's becoming impossible to ignore how I feel these days. I've been letting these feelings dwell and build inside me.It's consumed me,running through my veins straight to my heart. I ache and have began to feel this heavy sense of numbness within. You have consumed and captured my heart. Kidnapped it's ability to ever feel for another quite as it has for you.Inevitable feelings. Trapped. Captured by you. No distance,no words, no other person has managed to let me free from you.

03 June 2014, 12:59 AM
l
love
comment
Journal_pane_9757911401207119

Unthinkable Change

I don't know what changed on your end but it has showed. The feelings that I always use to feel have seem to heightened all over again. Waking up to you calling me beautiful,sending me text messages telling you miss my presence. We have both have gone through a lot in the past year.We have changed but there has always been something between us. Something we cannot ignore. I'm not asking for your love but it seems everyday as we continue to talk I'm falling for you. Ive been willing to drop al...

27 May 2014, 05:12 PM
l
love
comment
Journal_pane_9757911398925509

Fourteen Days

It took not even two weeks,to build up and break down a foundation with him. It was a instant connection though. He knew how to make me smile,and laugh. Falling asleep with him and cuddling. Every single kiss. I don't know what it was that made me fall for him so quick. How easily I'd miss his presence. Deep down I know there is potential,that I could be happy. I could see us doing goofy things,going on adventures,staying in watching movies,attending family events. I could foresee us being ha...

01 May 2014, 07:25 AM
l
1 love: RawrDino
comment

A Little Bit About Me

I am a nineteen year old college student,named Josi trying to figure out her goals in life,what love means and how it hurts && the adventures that make life worth living for. I am indecisive,I am strong willed,I am a avid music and book lover,I am an Aries,I am me. With every imperfection...it's all I can be.

21 April 2014, 08:19 AM
l
love
comment
Journal_pane_9757911397536776

Pulling Me In

To fall asleep in your arms,you woke up and pull me in even closer,you held my hand. You wanted me close. I don't understand,your actions speak entirely different than your words. It must mean you are just in need of company. I know not to read into these little things but its hard to let it go and remember we're nothing more than distant friends with benefits these days. It was the first time I didn't leave your apartment when the sun was just rising,instead we fell asleep and laid and talke...

15 April 2014, 05:39 AM
l
love
comment

Temporary

Once again I let myself fall into you. Why? I don't understand why I allow myself to be that comfortable with you only to be left walking home by myself at 6 in the morning. No longer am I staying the night,cuddling and spending night day with you. Instead its this,a night of passion and sex with a following text message the next day of you apologizing. I tell you I understand its better to be with someone you trust and are comfortable with rather than a stranger. It's funny though because e...

13 April 2014, 07:48 AM
l
2 loves: samanthayo87,Coosofapigeon
comment

Atmosphere

In the pitch black room,light flicking from the t.v. playing the movie I brought for us to watch I lay down next to you. It's awkward at first,then you pull me in so I'm sung in your arm. The smell of alcohol still lingers on your breathe. I haven't spent time with you in weeks,possibily months. Yes we've contuined to text one back and forth. Usually there its an angry banter. Why though,why do we contuine to text,when its if not always but most of the time meaningless converstation. I know ...

10 April 2014, 07:59 AM
l
love
comment
Journal_pane_9757911396501119

Nineteen

Every hour I sit in this boring room,distract myself with meaningless songs,minutes of video content and fictional worlds created in novels. I pour the same acid drink down my throat repeatedly as I have done for years. You see none of this brings me true pleasure,none of it is remember-able. I will look upon my freshman year of college and recall pain,recall my desire to fall in love with the first man I've ever really met and interacted with. He was a man not a guy like you interact and dat...

03 April 2014, 05:58 AM
l
love
comment