1/12/14

I stare at the ant, as it runs across my foot. I want to kill it, but it's done nothing wrong. So small I could probably kill it with the exhale of my breath but I don't. I just watch it run off of me and onto my hate on the floor next to me. I probably should throw that out, it kinda smells like pee. It's so warm and comfy though, unlike me.

13 January 2014, 12:02 PM
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1/6/14

Got to hear the sound of Phil's voice for the first time today. Not gonna lie, it was not what I had expected. Not like I was expecting him to sound like an angel or anything. But I just mean, it was really deep. But I like it. It's just that it feels weird. Because looking at him, you wouldn't think he'd have a voice like that. But he does. And it's great. I'm almost certain that he smokes weed. Considering him thinking that I wouldn't like his blog because it was mostly all weed. I still ha...

13 January 2014, 11:58 AM
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1/5/14

Well. It's Sunday. Haven't heard from Daniel since Thursday around 2 or 3. I've sent him messages but they never fully deliver. And now it just says he's been away for awhile. Yeah. Ya think, KiK? I"m tempted to text or call his phone. But something is keeping me. Because what if I call and he really is gone. Then what? I'd shatter even more so than I already am. Fuck I hate this feeling. So young. So handsome. So sweet. I understand why he thought so badly of himself but I personally didn't ...

13 January 2014, 11:35 AM
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1/3/14

On a side note. I messaged just about everyone I thought could help me. But no one was there. Which sucked. But yeah. Then I messaged people on KiK and started talking to Phil again. I forgot how great he was. I dunno why it took this for me to talk to message him. I really missed him. And hope that he can stick around and that we'll meet someday. I like him he's great. He's the sweetest and he has a great personality. Likes alot of the great things that I do. I wonder if maybe I got my own p...

13 January 2014, 11:27 AM
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1/3/14

Well. Fuck. Had a good start to this year. I was having a roughy day as it was and then boom the Daniel thing. I can't even see that name without feeling sad. I don't even know if he's alive and it's just been one day. It's killing me so much and I don't know what to say. I can't help myself feel better but I'm trying. I snapped a rubber band repeatedly on both my wrists. It helped for a moment but now that's all welped. They look bruised and like the bloods rushed to the surface. I don't lik...

13 January 2014, 11:17 AM
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12/29/13

Forgot to talk about Christmas and shit. Erica came. That was great. I got some nice stuff from everyone. Iron man sweater, poster, figures, cardboard cutout, recorder, etc. I really appreciate what mom went through this Christmas. She really busted her ass and got everyone so much and everything was just great. Dinner was very tasteful. Also, daddy turned 40 yesterday. Damn. He's getting up there. I love him and hope to have him for many many more years to come. Like I don't want him to die....

13 January 2014, 11:04 AM
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12/29/13

Welp. Gonna write right quick. Figured I needed to or something since it's been a bit. My damn phone's charging port broke the other day which was fucking tragic and has ruined my entire mood and day. Yay. Anyways, now the only way it'll charge is if I hold the dang charger into the loose chargin port. Which is exhausting and time consuming. But hey, it could very well always be worse than what it is. Not like that matters usually. But whatever. Autumn is here. Has been since the day after Ch...

13 January 2014, 11:00 AM
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12/6/13

Okay yeah. What the fuck. I'm so done with Kacey. I'm cutting off the oxygen supply to the feeling of that. I mean I can't do this anymore. And you wanna know what's weird? Probably not but I'll tell you anyways because this is my fucking journal. Do I care if anyone reads it but me? Nope. Anyways. I wanted to say that it is weird. How sometimes someone who's miles and miles away, can make you feel a million times better than anyone near you. And that actually kind of sucks doesn't it? And I'...

13 January 2014, 10:54 AM
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12/1/13

Well. He did it again. Kacey showed up right out of thin air again, only to disappear once more. He said "I guess just text me when you're ready to treat me better" as if I was treating him wrong. Just because I don't feel the exact same way towards him as I used to, doesn't mean I'm "treating him wrong" it just means he's an inconsiderate ass who doesn't see how his intentions have affected me. He thinks he can be gone and not talk for weeks on end, then show right back up out of the blue wi...

13 January 2014, 10:40 AM
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11/24/13

Wow. These really have grown to become sporatic haven't they? I mean like the last time I wrote in this thing was like August. Even alot has changed since then too. Tyler stopped talking to me forever ago. So did many others along the way since then. Yeah most of them weren't of much importance but it really does fucking hurt so damn bad. It's really happened so much that I just can't shake the feeling that it's meant to be this way. I'm meant to be used, replaced, and forgotten or only talke...

13 January 2014, 10:28 AM
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8/18/13

I really wish i could be more free than I am. I need to get a dang vehicle. I could be taking care of little Tyler right now cause he's sick. He's a big boy yeah, but poor thing. Blehh. It's not just that though, I really think I like him enough to possibly date. We have so many similarities and that's hard to come by nowadays. Plus he's got dark hair and blue eyes which just so happen to be my kryptonite. Oops. He doesn't know though. I just hope I can be man enough to tell dad so I don't br...

13 January 2014, 10:21 AM
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8/15/13

Wow. It's really been awhile since I've actually written in this thing. I went through and read all of my other pages and man has alot changed since then. Thomas doesn't even talk to me anymore (not like I care anymore because I'm actually over it) , I have my permit, got a phone and a phone case, got an XBOX, laptop, camera, gotta go visit Erica and stuff for like 2wks, started talking to this guy named Tyler and I really think I like him...we have a lot and common actually and it just feels...

13 January 2014, 10:16 AM
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3/31/13

Well. It's Easter sunday...and my first day of college is tomorrow. Sooo stressed, but I'll be okay, I always do okay. I stress and stress until my mind wants to explode...then in the end I wonder what I was even stressing for in the first place. I hope the weather is pretty decent tomorrow...I kinda feel like wearing shorts or a skirt. Hopefully the money thing gets situated...but yeah anyway I can't wait for a phone. I really wanna start hanging out with Thomas and such. He seems really ama...

13 January 2014, 10:09 AM
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3/30/13

Well. It's easter eve...if that's even a thing, and I feel fucking terrible. I just wanna cry and cry. And run off with my things into the woods all alone for some amount of days. Why does Krisma think she has to impress Erica? and be such a big ass bitch? why's she gotta put me down and make me think I can't do things? I start college on monday and I really don't think I'm emotionally ready. I wanna move away...live on my own. and just not ever have to worry about anything or anyone bringing...

13 January 2014, 10:02 AM
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3/22/13

ehh

13 January 2014, 09:56 AM
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3/4/13

Monday night. Talking to Autumn and Thomas, while eating sour patch kids and listening to Metallica. Never took the permit test today...mom "lost" and "couldn't" "find" by birth certificate so yeah. I was pretty mad, but oh well I got to skim the book again. Hopefully I'll take it tomorrow. But yeah, I can't WAIT to get my license and a vehicle, I'm not even kidding. I can't take this anymore. I don't like that I live my life like I'm 60 and going to die anyday but it's just who I am, and I...

13 January 2014, 09:54 AM
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3/3/13

Sunday night, I'm taking a poo. Random I know...but hey, when you feel like writing...you feel like writing. Going to get my permit tomorrow. Hopefully I pass! Kinda can't wait to start driving and such. It's a bit scary, sort of...but at least I'll be able to take off wherever to get a break. Yeah I can do that now just by walking...but it'll be different. All secluded in your own space, no one else there with you to cause you stress, sadness, pain...or anger. Can't wait for my own place eit...

13 January 2014, 09:40 AM
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2/25/13

Well. It's monday night, almost 11pm and I'm laying in bed listening to music like I always do. I really need to get out more and not be so shy. I'm only 16. I'm young, and should have some fun. As interesting and amazing as guys are, I wanna really try and stay single. Yeah relationships are nice, but they can be dumb. I should've never dated Matt, Micah or Devery, but if I never did...I wouldn't be where I am and have the people I do today. Anyways, just keep thinking about California and y...

13 January 2014, 09:36 AM
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