Journal_pane_9796621405688520

A Fighter

Recently I found out the truth behind something that shocked me. Someone so close to me died about two years ago. I didn't really know the details until about a week ago when I read what really happened on a news article. First off let me talk about who this person was. He was someone who I looked forward to seeing every summer, someone who treated me like his grandson and someone I'd be willing to call Grandpa, he was someone who taught me about life and looking forward. I was always taught ...

18 July 2014, 02:02 PM
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Journal_pane_9796621405165182

moving on

So a lot has happened and I decided to just move on and stay away from relationships and the thought of being with J.G. She has no interest in me...I don't even think even any interest as a friend anymore so I just decided to move on and forget about her. It's weird because this diary was mostly about how I was so in love with her. I'm slowly realizing I was...over time I just fell in love more with the idea of being with her. It's also funny...just one day I woke up and said I need to move o...

12 July 2014, 12:39 PM
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1 love: blaqkn8
2 comments: blaqkn8,mdrollamas
Journal_pane_9796621403147568

"RANDOM SCREAM"

I come here to vent...and from the bottom of my I hate how I still have such strong feelings for you, but I'm glad I do because it motivates me to keep on fighting

19 June 2014, 04:12 AM
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Journal_pane_9796621402895420

What I regret

As a teacher...a pre-school and kindergarten teacher, my biggest regret was leaving my kids without seeing them off to their next grade. In fact it's one of the biggest regrets of my life. I loved those kids as if they were my own. My mom always told me "Don't got emotionally attached to them, they're not your kids." She always wanted to me to be stern with my students and I was. It wasn't easy because I was with my student's everyday, even in the summer. I've watched them grown up as if they...

16 June 2014, 06:10 AM
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Journal_pane_9796621402535210

What I want

So...I don't know how honest I am with myself. You ever feel to dumb to realize what you want that you lie to yourself constantly..the worst part is you try to believe that lie and think its true. No, its not, kill yourself if you think it is. I've been constantly telling myself I'm better off alone, I don't need anyone, which in fact is why I became an artist. Like seriously...as an artist you spend your time to yourself and work on basically a hobby, granted its beautiful but it IS COMPETIT...

12 June 2014, 02:06 AM
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Journal_pane_9796621401725518

feeling as high as...the dirt below me

I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror and I never felt so ugly before. I realized I thought of myself lately as high and mighty but when I stopped and looked at myself I realized I was just this lump of human waste. I feel unhealthy and alone, I felt so many needs to be fulfilled but honestly I am too lazy to achieve them myself. I constantly give other people advice and can never take my own. I don't feel as if I accomplished anything on my own, I feel like a lump of meat who's ju...

02 June 2014, 05:12 PM
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1 love: blaqkn8
1 comment: blaqkn8
Journal_pane_9796621398223205

Hope for us

So I since the last time I wrote in here I'm finally moving on and accepting things as they are. If a girl likes me, they like me...if they don't well fuck it. I'm my own person and I can move on or drag my ass around feeling stupid and throwing myself a pity party. I've met girls, went on dates. The conclusion I came to is...if they don't make me feel the same way Jordyn did...it doesn't matter. The intimate summer I spent with her will be forever be embedded in my memories and that's fine. ...

23 April 2014, 04:20 AM
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2 loves: blaqkn8,deeshines27
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Journal_pane_9796621395077003

Just Keep on Walking

So the duration I haven't been on here was because of the crunch time I had to throw in for school. I met a girl in my class, mostly because I needed a study partner and she just happened to be there. She seemed alright at first but then over the time we've been talking, she began to be more clingy and a little bit...psychotic. I mean don't get me wrong she's overall a nice person but she throws herself pity parties and wants attention all the time, she's a hopeless romantic who reached over...

17 March 2014, 05:23 PM
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1 love: nikisalemi
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Journal_pane_9796621393898539

Seeing the big picture

I've decided to go back to church and get back into my spiritual life. I'm not sure how things will turn out or what will happen but I'm just going to keep pushing forward and working with myself, to better myself and become who I want to be. I wrote to J.G. how I truly felt about her recently and what I regret the most in our relationship and what I cherished the most as well. I finally got a response today and is now currently talking with her about a issue she is having. Talking with her,...

04 March 2014, 02:02 AM
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1 love: blaqkn8
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Journal_pane_9796621393437651

down but slowly climbing up

Have you ever noticed that when you climb up..you may fall down sometimes, but you learn from that..and go up even higher. I think that's my way of saying I took two steps back, but I will slowly and carefully move 10 steps forward. Yesterday was just such a terrible day. I cried because of how stressful life can be and how I didn't realize things about me that were so annoying until someone pointed it out. I don't think I have the strength half the time to accept who I am or to be proud of w...

26 February 2014, 06:01 PM
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1 love: blaqkn8
1 comment: blaqkn8
Journal_pane_9796621392928346

A sense of attraction

I went out with the girl in my art class for lunch again. I was...pretty intimidated, but never the less I was happy. I had a chance to get to know the art girl better, which I did. I felt more attracted to her after that day, knowing I can be comfortable around her..by being just me. We did a lot of interesting yet things we have in common like people watching and being nosy. We also had this little game where we chew on a lime...and then jalapeno. Doing that showed me I can be myself around...

20 February 2014, 08:32 PM
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Journal_pane_9796621392691683

Moving on

Today I feel a bigger attraction to the girl in my sculpting art class. To be honest she looks like a plain Jane type of girl...short, petite, nothing extravagant about her. Oddly to me, she's beautiful and I'd love to ask her out but...I just don't know how to. I'm so lost for words at what to do and how I should approach her. Her personality, I've fallen for it and I want to get to know her better. The drive going to school though I seemed to have remembered my days with the girl who br...

18 February 2014, 02:48 AM
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Journal_pane_9796621392094697

my reasons

So I made this diary because, well...I'm not over this girl. I'm going to refrain from saying her name but she means a lot to me. Its a shame because its been a yr since I've been in physical contact with her but I realized I miss her a lot and how stupid I was to make a certain mistake. I didn't cheat or anything I just, wasn't in the right mind. I was driving to class today and I just kept thinking of her. The worst part is...this happens a lot, like not constantly but every so often. I r...

11 February 2014, 04:58 AM
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Journal_pane_9796621392094649

intro/set 3

So I needed to vent out...you can criticize me or whatever...but this is my life, I need to release...whether I'm right or wrong, I believe at least letting out my feelings is healthy for me

11 February 2014, 04:57 AM
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1 love: facade
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