Journal_pane_9686831418671801

surving..still

543: Sometimes you lose sight. Sometimes you are simply lost. When I was 17. I moved to U.S. I was shortly displaced and went to live with a host family that I found myself due to domestic violence at home, while my mom fled the state. Homeless, with a mom who blames me for the marriage she was in, I fell into depression. Soon after, without any awareness of my depression, I had my first attempt suicide. All these happened in a short fragment of my life --- in less than half year, writing al...

15 December 2014, 07:30 PM
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Journal_pane_9686831414990226

Make a Wish..

578: I feel like our lives almost always has a recurrent theme. No matter how hard you run or hide from it, it comes around and always there to taunt at you. Some people call it fate, some call it Karma. I believe, when you face it, and beat the h*** out of it, only then do the wind in the air may changes its direction.

03 November 2014, 04:50 AM
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Journal_pane_9686831414987889

So We Hate Halloween

580: This year, I decorated Halloween for the first time. A couple of days ago, my son Theo asked me "can we look at that, mom?", and he looked eagerly at the aisle with the Halloween stuffs. I was in a hurry to get the milk and get home, so I answered with a precision that almost cut him off "No. We are not buying it anyway, no point to look" Son growled, "so we hate Halloween". I laughed "no, we don't hate it, just because I don't celebrate a particular holiday doesn't mean we hate it (a ...

03 November 2014, 04:11 AM
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Journal_pane_9686831414640011

Here I Come (581 days to go)

581: The colleges really should offer a diary writing class. I thought this to myself, while trying to string together my thoughts into writings with a coherent theme, instead of just record keeping (while my tiny tizzy bit of OCD self wants me to just do record keeping). Today has been a relatively mild day. Though I was a bit emotionally exhausted and physically fatigue. I allowed myself two hours of writing time in the morning, and actually took an hour nap in the afternoon. That’s rare f...

30 October 2014, 03:33 AM
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Journal_pane_9686831414634260

Lefty, Righty and Me

(adjusted project date//581) I’ve listened to a Ted talk on Monday. I honestly didn’t even like it that much. It was a neuroscience talk. But one of the ideas did enlighten me: left brain and right brain. She promotes that we should use more of the right brain (something about energy flow and it would be more peaceful among people). It was a strange idea really. We all know we can’t function properly with only one side of our brain, even if we willing to give up all the motor function of on...

30 October 2014, 01:57 AM
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Journal_pane_9686831391639572

Stressed Out...

449: I am completely stressed out now ---not like that's not a norm for my day-to-day live; but it doesn't necessarily makes this one time easier than the last... Maybe I am making invisible progress… Maybe I just need to hang on... Maybe/ probably, for better or worse, I would not feel the same this time tomorrow ---it won’t be because the source of stress is gone. I just hope that the irrational (probably it is rational) feelings will have settled down. I would know that my feelings and ...

05 February 2014, 10:33 PM
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Thank You for Cheering for Me

457: (I have been so busy that I barely had time to stop and think, thoughts are in fragments -- I only want to record some down, before they're all forgotten) Thank you for cheering for me. Prof. Q, you really inspired me, and helped me tremendously! P.S. (to self): find whatever it is that brighten your day and remember how it have/had brighten your day, so that shine can be everlasting ^^ (hang in there)

28 January 2014, 12:42 PM
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Focus!

465: I want to focus today (finish at least one of my unfinished work that's been haunting me)! I want to know I will feel that much better at the end of the day. (And a bit from a few days ago: how do you know you kick depression right in its face? ---when "I need..." becomes "I want..." ---b/c "I need" is always there, logical, make sense, but not positively assertive, not being in charge almost; but "I want" is from my heart, being able to voice that, it's a win already. Example: I need t...

20 January 2014, 01:35 PM
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I Want My Life Back--

471: I want my life back. But there's no other things of importance that I can do to get it back today. So, today I'll just live my day to its full extend. And that's what I will aim to do, as in any other "today". Just don't forget what I want ultimately, just don't let my courage leave me, and don't fall into despair.

14 January 2014, 02:26 PM
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1 love: verasdailythoughts
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The Countdown

http://www.timeanddate.com/countdown/to?iso=20150501T00&p0=%3A&fg1=a39de0&fg2=80c2da&msg=1st+check+point&swk=1 488: I want to get there. I need to focus on now, because it's the now that will eventually get me there

28 December 2013, 09:53 PM
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