I can no longer

tell the difference whether is it a test or is it a No

02 November 2014, 01:54 AM
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Finally ...

I told myself, I will show this diary to him under 2 circumstances. One is when we managed to get to another stage of our relationship so that it would be something we can look back about our relationship. Second is when he decided to give up. Didn't expect it to be so soon. Will I still update? Probably ...

02 November 2014, 12:15 AM
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Continued from #59

I don't know how to make him understand that a relationship always has its up and down. Though I have only know him for a few months. I can feel that when it comes to obstacles, he will always choose avoidance rather than to stay and work for it. Because avoidance is much easier. He said he trusted his gut feelings most of the time and he will go all the way out for it when he feels it's right. I guess he doesn't even remember what he say to me before we got together. Does he still remember h...

02 November 2014, 12:12 AM
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#59 days to #2015

And so he finally said it. I was sort of expecting this but didn't really expect it to me so soon. He told me it's better if we were to stay as friends. I asked him for the reasons. One of it was his parents. I'm a single parent so it gonna be hard. I told him I am willing to take a chance and I am willing to speak to the parents if he find it hard to break the news. He told me he is unsure of the relationship so he doesn't know whether to even speak to the parents about it. My point is, I am...

02 November 2014, 12:00 AM
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Dear God

All I need is a chance. Is that too much to ask for?

01 November 2014, 12:01 PM
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Dear God,

Is that your final answer?

01 November 2014, 05:13 AM
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#60 days to #2015

Today is saturday. And I needa work. I brought Konstanz to work today. He is surprisingly quite cooperative. Me and him have been quite since last night. Not too sure whethet are we even spending time together this weekend. Dear God, this morning a movie I watched some time back came to my mind. It's about how the guy manage to salvage their marriage even though the wife totally wants it out. My question is. Do we still have hope? Can you help us?

01 November 2014, 03:14 AM
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#61 days to #2015

How many 'this is the last time I will ever ....' have you said to yourself and said to Him? And how many times have You tried to help me overcome it but only find myself doing this over and over again? Today I made breakfast for us. But the feeling is different. My thoughts are different. I have the thought of stop doing all these. Because I can't help feeling negative. I can't help feeling that he is just waiting for the right time to leave. I'm probably just someone whom happened to pass b...

30 October 2014, 11:52 PM
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My thoughts

Love is not about accepting someone's flaw which you find intolerable. Love is just love. Love is simple. Love is simply just complaining about his/her flaw but still be with him/her because love is much more than that. He doesn't seem to agree with me. But I don't know what is he thinking about. Dear God, I feel like we are coming to an end. Is that what You want?

30 October 2014, 01:34 PM
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Dear God

Somethings work in a funny way. The more you seek for it. The lesser you see of it. I was having lunch with my friend today. She told me she feels that she and her husband are not moving in the same direction. But I told her. I can see that you both are moving in the same direction but using different methods. She kept quiet for awhile. And agreed. She told me she knows her husband truly loves her. I feel it's easy to say I love you. But it's not easy to say the other way round. To say that y...

30 October 2014, 01:31 PM
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Dear God

My only hope is in You

30 October 2014, 12:06 PM
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#62 days to #2015

Dear God, I can't help feeling that this relationship is draining us. Is it because we are both not moving in the same direction?

30 October 2014, 06:12 AM
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#63 days to #2015

I am feeling tired. There's still a lot of things on my mind. But I can feel myself dealing with it better. When I was troubling whether to say anything. It's amazing how You will send someone to say things to me so that I would understand things.

29 October 2014, 12:41 PM
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Continued from #64

Dear God, I had lunch with one of my colleagues last week. We were chatting about our relationship. She told me that her family hates her current boyfriend because he is not rich. My colleague comes from a very rich family background. And the mother truly believes that she should marry someone rich like her dad. I asked her whether would she still go ahead to marry the guy one day even if the family does not approve of the marriage. She told me yes. She said a marriage is between herself and ...

28 October 2014, 01:59 PM
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Continued from #64

Dear God, when I am thinking that I have living so terribly for the past few years. I know I asked for it. Because I was young and naive and stubborn. I was young and wrong. I was reluctant to accept all advice from my parents. I blame no one but myself for where I am today. But You never fail to stay by my side. I made a decision. To end my own marriage. I ask for Your forgiveness and You did. But I still can't help thinking that everything I did is because of my decision. You can't possibly...

28 October 2014, 01:52 PM
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#64 days to #2015

Dear God, I have so many things to say and I don't know where to start. I am just going to say whatever that comes to my mind. I was so troubled by the slightest thing. Hatred will only grow more hatred. To forget is human, To forgive is divine. Dear God, please teach me to forgive. Teach me to be a better person. Work hasn't been smooth sailing for me. There's so much obstacles ahead. I can't help but think that I am here for a purpose. I felt like You brought me to where I am now for a reas...

28 October 2014, 01:47 PM
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#65 days to #2015

Dear God. I just want to make things right. Everything has to be right because I have no time to lose. Even if it takes a lot of effort. But it will be worth it. Worth everything. All I need now is a chance. Is an opportunity. Please open doors to me. In Jesus name, Amen.

27 October 2014, 01:01 PM
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#66 days to #2015

So I have been enjoying myself over the weekends. Staying and slacking at home with him. I guess that's the only think we can do now. There seems to always be a communication breakdown between me and my family. But I'm always lucky. My brother will always come tell me my problem. I guess there are things I should voice out between me and my parents. I have the habit of keeping things to myself. And because of that, misunderstanding happens. And relationship becomes strained. I'm nearing 30. I...

26 October 2014, 09:57 AM
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#68 days to #2015

Dear God, there are many things I don't understand and yet to understand. Life has been hard since about 4 years ago when I made the worst and biggest mistake in my life. Sometimes I think my dad is right. I never learn. I never grow up. It feels as if I wasted so many years doing nothing. And who can I blame now for having nothing? I don't pray for immediate riches or happiness. I only pray for the right opportunity. Open doors to me. Give me your wisdom and knowledge to succeed. I have fail...

24 October 2014, 12:54 AM
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#69 days to #2015

Dear God, this week seems like a lot of fun to me. But am I really worth enjoying all these now? I can't help thinking when will it be all taken away from me again? Can I give all these happiness? My only hope is in You.

23 October 2014, 10:26 AM
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