Engaged, to Unengaged 01/25/2018

Back in June of 2016 I got engaged, to whom I thought was the love of my life. While we were dating everything was always so perfect, and happy. He cared about me, loved me endlessly, always took me out, gave me the world, and just made me feel like the queen of his world. I thought we were the perfect match, and that he would be the perfect husband. He proposed Downtown Chicago in front of the Buckingham Fountain. It was beautiful and perfect, and I loved every minute of it. I said "YES!" an...

26 January 2018, 02:01 AM
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2 loves: lenchenes,vgaya1996
1 comment: siddharthu333

Life Changes // 01.20.2018

WOW! It has been ten months since my last entry, and I have so many updates! I am going to do separate posts because some of my stories are so long, but it's crazy how much has happened in ten months.

26 January 2018, 01:51 AM
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1 love: yoanu3
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03.08.2017 // Daytona Beach

For the past few weeks I have been mentioning to my boyfriend about going on vacation. His mom and dad are very Christian and are so against us going. However, my boyfriend is 20 years old and I had told him that if we want to go we should be able to because we are both adults. Finally, he had told his mom that we're going and she responded with "fine, if you want to live your life in sin I can't stop you, but you should be ashamed of yourself for wanting to go". Like seriously?? He told me t...

09 March 2017, 02:35 AM
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YouTube // 02.24.17

I want to start a YouTube channel so badly, but I'm honestly scared and embarrassed. I am so worried about what other people think that it is stopping me from doing what I want to do. I think it would so cool to be a vlogger. I don't have an interesting life but that's because I'm so worried about living like everyone else that I don't know what to do. I would love to be a travel vlogger. Travel the country and the world and just vlog about it. I just need money to start that, then I could ma...

24 February 2017, 10:36 PM
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1 comment: julgrey

Work // 02.22.17

I finally got a job, however, I don't like it at all. I went from managing a grocery store to being an associate in clothing retail. I really miss working in grocery, and my old job. I miss managing. I wish I didn't quit. I'm trying to tell myself that I can't be so caught up in the past, and that it happened for a reason. It is just so hard for me to think that way. It was such an impulsive choice. I need to keep my faith strong though and understand that the plan God has for me is stronger ...

24 February 2017, 10:34 PM
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Dieting // 02.01.17

Lately I have felt like complete shit about myself. My skin feels gross, my body feels gross, and I feel so insecure. The way my stomach looks, the way my thighs look, the way everything looks disappoints me. I have totally let my body go. My whole life people have said, "you eat so much and you never gain a single pound!" and it has gotten in my head, so I started eating whatever I wanted. Now, I'm gaining so much weight and it is my fault. I am going to finally do something about it. I am g...

02 February 2017, 02:04 AM
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2 loves: shashanktt5,shortfox
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Parents // 01.29.17

My boyfriend's parents are starting to really get on my nerves. They won't let my boyfriend and I go to Florida together because they don't want us to have sex until we're married. Little do they know we have been having sex for about eight months. They try to intervene with our relationship whenever they can. I can think of a few times he has had to cancel plans because last minute his mom says no. He's 20 years old and he lets his parents control him and our relationship and I am honestly j...

30 January 2017, 01:47 AM
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1 love: shashanktt5
3 comments: elextraemail18,jlynnaz

School // 01.25.17

I am so undecided with my major. I don't know if I want to do communications, or psychology. I love writing, but I also like helping others. I'm just so confused on what I want to do.

26 January 2017, 12:46 AM
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1 love: shashanktt5
2 comments: Princess-Blueberrie,xkullleidi

Jobs // 01.17.17

I am starting to feel like I am never going to find a decent job. I am so stressed at the thought of this. Yes, I currently have a job, but it is not making me enough money to pay my bills. I thought that having management experience would give me an advantage but apparently it doesn't. I am really hoping and praying that I can find a new position kind of soon. I am tired of being stressed by this.

18 January 2017, 12:29 AM
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2 loves: shashanktt5,ndcharles.edu
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Pregnancy Scare Part Two // 01.14.17

My period is now a week late, but I am not pregnant. I have taken three pregnancy tests all of which are negative. It must be stress, because my stress is through the roof. It's crazy how much stress can change your body. I kind of do wish I was pregnant though, just because I am so excited to have a baby and make my man a daddy!

15 January 2017, 04:31 AM
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1 love: shashanktt5
1 comment: pug4bug

Pregnancy Scare // 01.07.16

I took a pregnancy test about three days ago that came back negative. However, my period hadn't been late yet. My period was supposed to come today, and didn't. I know that doesn't mean anything because it's not a huge difference, but the thought is still in my mind. I have these weird feelings in my stomach right above my belly button and after I eat I feel pretty sick to my stomach. Maybe it is all in my head, I'm not sure. I kind of would be excited if I were pregnant, yet scared. Scared b...

07 January 2017, 11:49 PM
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1 love: fibula
1 comment: fibula

Back to Basic // 01.04.16

My honey left me today to go back to basic training. This time we only have to go 35 days apart and I'll be back in his arms! It was definitely a rough morning. Having to readjust to not talking and seeing each other. I really enjoyed having him home for his two week holiday leave, however, saying good-bye was hard. Being apart from my other half is the hardest thing, but it will pay off. Him and I have such a wonderful connection and this experience is bringing us so much closer.

05 January 2017, 12:42 AM
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New Year // 01.02.17

It is so crazy how it is 2017! I am hoping this year is full of opportunities, blessings, and new experiences. I cannot wait to watch my relationship, as well as myself, grow more strong throughout this year. I am going to make sure I have a happy, exciting and memorable year. I turn 20 at the end of this year, so it is my last year as a teenager. I want to make it one of the best years. ♥

02 January 2017, 06:03 PM
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1 love: shashanktt5
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Sad // 12.29.26

He leaves to go back to basic training on Wednesday and the time has gone so fast. The past two months he was gone has flown by, and now he will only be gone for a month so I know that'll go fast as well. It just sucks because I got used to having him back. Kissing him, cuddling him, loving him. At first I thought this good-bye was going to be easier, but now I'm not thinking it will be. It will just as hard as the first one.

30 December 2016, 03:27 AM
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Christmas // 12.26.16

Christmas Eve was fun, but also terrible. I got so sick! Fever, chills, nausea. Super thankful I had my boyfriend there to take care of me, but I know that is not how he wanted to spend his basic training holiday leave. Also, Christmas Day I was sick. Again, he held me tight and took care of me all day long. Today I am giving him a break and am going to take care of myself. He's definitely hubby material. All the days I could have gotten sick though and it happens when he's home.. of course.

26 December 2016, 03:38 PM
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1 love: ladyst.vincent
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Pregnancy // 12.24.16

My boyfriend is home from basic training and two days ago, as well as yesterday, we had unprotected sex. This was during my ovulation cycle, and yesterday was the peak day for getting pregnant. Pregnancy is something we do not want right now, but I'm worried. We had definitely gotten some cum inside of me, but I don't know how much. He had pulled out but then we had put it back in and there was some still on him. I guess I have to go through the awful two week wait before I find out for sure.

24 December 2016, 03:29 PM
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1 love: madisonlecroy06
2 comments: vzxooi,5544katvas

Losing my Virginity // 12.19.16

Story Time: It was the summer of 2012, and I had just promoted from middle school. I was about to be a freshman, and for some reason I was so obsessed with wanting to go into high school not as a virgin. I had convinced myself that nobody would ever want to have sex with me, so I was desperate to find someone who would want to. My friend had met this guy online. Her and I were 14 at the time and he was 18. She had wanted to meet him, but didn't want to go alone. They have never spoke other th...

19 December 2016, 10:32 PM
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2 loves: madisonlecroy06,isabel256ipanda
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Confused // 12.18.16

My boyfriend has been told from his recruiter and his drill sergeant that he won't ever deploy overseas because he is in the Army National Guard not Active Army. However, what I'm hearing from other ladies is that he most definitely will deploy at least once. The thought of dealing with a deployment breaks my heart. I don't know how I would be able to handle that. It makes sense that it will, but he joined with the thought of it not happening. It is so scary to me. I can hardly handle two mon...

19 December 2016, 03:31 AM
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1 love: liamdunnam15
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Mother-In-Law // 12.16.16

She isn't technically my mother in law, since I am not married, but one day she will be. Anyways, I had mentioned going downtown with my boyfriend when he is back from basic training and she basically had tol me no since they have been gone for "an eternity" when in reality it has only been a month and a half.It is just so annoying how he is almost 20 years old, and she still controls him. I understand he is her baby, and the youngest sibling, it is just frustrating. If she is like this forev...

17 December 2016, 03:17 AM
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Final Countdown // 12.11.16

John will be home next week from basic training. I am so excited, nervous, anxious, and happy. Being apart from him has been full of mixed feelings. It started of with sadness. I cried and cried the day he left. I only left my bed about twice. I was miserable that day. The next day I was filled with contentment. I felt fine for the next couple of weeks. I would cry when I got letters from him, and I missed him, but I was able to go about my daily life as if he wasn't away. Now that it is appr...

12 December 2016, 02:49 AM
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