Journal_pane_9514091487149321

Breathe

Thoughts of you makes me wonder where did i go wrong? I've been through hell and heaven just to be with you but what is it that made you gave up on us.... on me. I actually believed you're never leaving. You told me you'll stay. No matter how messed up i am. kahit nagsasawa ka na kakasuyo, you'll still love me anyway. Where did i fucked up to the point you left. I know I'm never really enough for you. But thanks to you, I was happy for a short period of time. I became happy. by just being wit...

15 February 2017, 09:02 AM
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Journal_pane_9514091428722160

Blank

Two days of sleepless nights. Heart's beating fast. It's literally aching.. I just somehow wish i wouldn't wake up. I still should have been asleep because everything i ever want happens only in my dream. It's the opposite of what my life really is in reality. That includes him.. it's aching again. Everything was planned. I planned everything so that i won't ever feel like this again. but i failed. because the pain is a lot more than what i had in mind. I always thought that the pain that I'...

11 April 2015, 04:16 AM
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Journal_pane_9514091416920396

Runaway

Everything seems so far away.. Everything's a blur. I can't even seem to see it sometimes. It's like everything's running away from me. Thousand miles away from me. Every step i take is making me wince. And I'm trying so damn hard to catch up.. but every time i come closer it's becoming farther and farther. I'm lost and alone. cold and broken. I don't want to explode. Time is ticking and it's frustrating me more. A day without a shredded tear is a step.. it's like swallowing a brick. and each...

25 November 2014, 01:00 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091414503201

Finest Work of Art.

With just one look, you can be hypnotized and be drawn to another dimension you've never seen before in your entire life. The heat that rises up to your cheeks with just one bump on your shoulders. That cutest smile appeared and all of the sudden you just can't make yourself look away. That indescribable feeling that makes you want to just be buried alive. You just can't get over it then you'll see yourself smiling without any reason. Then cry for the realization of you can't do anything but...

28 October 2014, 01:33 PM
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1 love: xx120408
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Journal_pane_9514091408282769

Acceptance

It's time to embrace reality and accept everything for it was already done.. Maybe it's a sign for me because I'm already close in college life. tho I'm obviously not ready. I'm already enjoying the accompany of my new set of friends. I'm pretty cool about the 'weekend buddy' because my best bud and i only hang out on weekends but I'm cool with that, no harm done. I just need to set things straight to avoid complications and misunderstandings... I'll be the one to adjust. I'll set boundaries ...

17 August 2014, 02:39 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091407844254

het doet pijn zo slecht

This unexplained feeling when you feel like you're empty and misses everything... everything as in everything. you feel lost and you don't have any single clue where to go. you just don't know what to do anymore. Is this my punishment from God for not believing him? because i don't have faith? am i that bad? this is fucking hurting me and i fucking don't know what to do anymore. I seek for other's attention but no one's willing to give them theirs.. why am i fucking crying? am i going to be l...

12 August 2014, 12:51 PM
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1 love: bernn_bayron47
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Journal_pane_9514091404390231

Anesthetic

A week ago from now i was just in that unexpected situation where i thought i was seriously on the verge of dying because I find it hard to breathe. it's like someone's choking me and at the same time i'm in so much pain physically and mostly, emotionally. My eyes were clouding and i can't feel anything but pain. On that time i really don't know what to do first. i was downstairs with my dad beside me and my mom's in her mini office. That time i already felt the pain, i was hurt inside like s...

03 July 2014, 01:24 PM
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1 love: bernn_bayron47
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Journal_pane_9514091401734478

what a bummer

I came up to this conclusion I really like summer not because of school -I don't really hate school except for teachers- but I got more time to reflect and think about things for myself. I'm kinda enjoying accompanying my sister. we've so much in common though we still don't have this much closure. after all, we're bonding more often this past few days. then I happen to have this strange dream that I'm close to dying because I'm being chased by this person with a knife and I'm like running an...

02 June 2014, 07:41 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091398370301

Months to go before hell.

High school really is the best part of being a student. some says yes, and some are no. Apparently, it's not that bad. though i got bullied many times because of friend issue but nah it's still fun. I'm not really ready for college to be honest. I'm freaking out!!! i mean, i don't know what fucking course am i going to take. According to some friends I've known who's in college already said that college's not a piece of cake. It's freaking hell and i'm not ready to go to hell. Even though sch...

24 April 2014, 09:11 PM
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1 love: bernn_bayron47
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Journal_pane_9514091397996541

complexities of overthinking

Depression is the reason why people have this sudden urge of killing their selves or by which i mean is suicide. I'm not going there. there's no way in hell i'm going to kill myself. I don't know why am i feeling a little bit like i'm depressed or something. i don't know why i'm sad. Just a minute ago I found myself visiting my weheart timeline. i've seen those photos of perfect girls, perfect couples and i hate it. i hate the fact that god gave them perfect lives. they're living the dream. ...

20 April 2014, 01:22 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397679690

Missing Appetite.

Seems like rice no longer exist in my dictionary. I missed eating rice tho i don't even no if i'm still in a diet which is apparently not since i always eat like every minute in a day.. continuously. I don't feel like i'm depressed or stressed not even close on being sad.. i don't know.

16 April 2014, 09:21 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397563640

Going nuts with people inside.

so yeah i already found my friends.. they're inside my head. i have no problem with that actually. it's not like i don't want my real 'real' i mean my existing friends.. if i even have one which is okay with me i don't mind. goddamn it why am i acting like i don't need them. do i need them? i should really keep my shit together. i can't hold onto this forever. why am i even allowing myself to have thoughts like this., i'm having a second though... do i really need friends. do they even care? ...

15 April 2014, 01:07 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397562993

Maybe I've crossed the line.

as for now, why don't i feel anything. guilt. i think a little bit of sadness because of myself. pity. anger. love. did i joined satan in his army because i can't feel anything even for god.. i even doubt myself if i even believe in that. about my faith. do i still have faith? despise the fact that i hate the fact that i'm now allergic to people i also hate people. people hate people. everybody does. i shouldn't worried about that.. i feel so empty. i'm really nothing. i can't feel nothing. i...

15 April 2014, 12:56 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397561300

Can't get enough realizations.

and in just a snap i forgot the world.. it sucks to find out for myself that i'm too easy for people and things that should have given less attention to.. i should lie low when it comes to anything. everything.. what i mean everything is 'everything'. i should keep my shit together and just be like happy go lucky.. why worried about things that doesn't even make sense and not worth the time. irdk why the hell i am typing this right now but for a minute i think i need a break.. a long break.. ...

15 April 2014, 12:28 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397491644

And yes i'm awaked

why the hell am i so down last couple of days.. why the fuck am i even hurt?! he's not even my type. i mean hehe this isn't supposed to be told out in public but mehhh haha i'm okay now... i just can't believe i'm like that.. it's so embarrassing

14 April 2014, 05:07 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397491489

RelationSHIT

and now i realize i'm really not ready to enter a relationship or whatsoever. idk but it's like when i 'like' someone, after a week my feelings fade.. i really don't know why the hell it's like that but all i wanna do right now is have fun..

14 April 2014, 05:04 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397406185

Psychologist or Prozac?

i want to be alone. oh fuck forgot my pills well anyways, there's this really a part of me that i wanted to spend the rest of my life alone. i badly want to find myself. i'm losing my hope, my faith, my trust.. idk but i feel like i'm useless not even worth it. wths wrong with me

13 April 2014, 05:23 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397300528

Devastated and Wasted.

every time i see my phone my heart starts beating so fast while it's aching.. i'm serious. it's literally like it. our convo from last night gave me a trauma. i really thought he's different.. it's not like i'm blaming him for that.. it's just that i really thought his unlike the other guys i met. maybe it's because i created the idea of him being so perfect that it made me so very disappointed about the real him.. i can't even barely look at my phone even just my wallpaper. i just want to...

12 April 2014, 12:02 PM
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Journal_pane_9514091397300084

PARTY SLASH DEBU

i can't believe i got drunk last night.. maybe not totally but it really gave me that feeling I've never felt before.. in a bad way actually. got massive headache and got really really dizzy after we went home. it's my first time to drink. i'm really not that much of a drinker anyway. i thought last night would be the best so far but i was so fucking wrong. i got super depressed.. i fucking thought i'm fucking dreaming but i was really not.. just lately this morning i realized i was really no...

12 April 2014, 11:54 AM
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Journal_pane_9514091397145548

I'm feeling a little bitchy today.

having random conversations with random people is really a stress reliever... for me i guess. you know what, i'm really not that friendly because i don't want new friends or new people to meet so irdk why the hell am i doing this.. it's like i hate new people but i want to meet new people... aw fuck life

10 April 2014, 04:59 PM
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