Trapped.

Why am I always the one that ends up in a one way relationship? Why do I fucking care when you clearly don't? 5 years. 5 years I have given you. I've gave up everything for you. Just to keep you happy. You really think I don't know about the girls you obsess over. Once upon a time I used to be that girl that you stayed up until 4 in the morning messaging and lusting over. Not anymore. Its like you said I'm just old news right? You're right. You've never physically cheated on me but given the ...

07 September 2015, 03:43 PM
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Blame.

It's my fault and I've known it for a while. I'm the reason you scream and throw things. I'm the reason you're unhappy and don't want to sleep at night. I just don't understand why. I hate seeing you miserable but what have I done to cause this. I know you are no longer the same person you once was. Something has changed. I also know you're not strong enough to do this. You won't last like this forever. You're going to leave soon and still I don't know what I've done. It's ok though whatever ...

16 April 2015, 05:44 AM
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Anxiety.

Almost 6 months with no medicine. Most days are hell without it. My hands keep going numb and I keep feeling this shaking in my head. Anxiety. Why me? Every morning I wake up I feel like my insides are going to shake apart and I'm so nervous I can't stand it. I hate this feeling more than anything. Is this really making me feel physically sick or am I crazy? 4 more months and I'll be back on the medicine. Until then its going to be hell I suppose...

09 April 2015, 01:19 AM
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2 loves: brittneyclough,zulumbalenhle9
1 comment: zulumbalenhle9

I'm just tired.

That's all I know to say. I've learned it's the easy way out. I'm tired of trying to explain something to someone who's so selfish and self absorbed in their own life. You will never understand this dark cloud that follows me around. I don't even understand it myself so how can I try to explain what it's like to be depressed? I don't want to die. In fact I'm absolutely terrified of the thought. I just don't feel like I belong. The world doesn't need me.

31 March 2015, 02:26 AM
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1 love: zulumbalenhle9
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Alone.

I can't anymore. I'm trying so hard to keep trying. My body is failing me and I can't even work. Two days of work and I'm passing out at work. I can't do this alone anymore. I can't pick up the slack. I can't hold your hand as you let me pick up your work. I can't provide right now and it all lies on me. Your anger is making me sicker. Is it so hard to go get help? It's like living with a bomb that you can't defuse and I never know when you're going to blow. It makes me sick worrying when it'...

27 March 2015, 03:47 AM
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1 love: saiyajinsrock
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Regret.

Such a negative choice of word. Why does it have to have such negative emotions following it? I suppose we all make choices we wish we didn't make but to regret a human? Kind of seems crazy to regret being with someone. Regret was a simple choice of something you did or didn't do. You can make the choice to stay or go, but to regret being with someone. I suppose that's another choice you made. You've made this week a reminder of how dull and pathetic I am. I never forced you to be with me. I ...

22 February 2015, 05:37 AM
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1 love: blaqkn8
2 comments: blaqkn8,samcromer18

Poison.

That's what this drink in my hand is. But oh how it soothes my aching mind. The comfort of feeling alone is sad but oh so addicting. I want more...no I need more but my conscious is eating me alive. Shredding my brain from each particle, making it harder to ignore this itch in the back of my head that only a bullet can soothe. Knowing the beautiful angel laying in my bed doesn't have a clue how his mommy is thinking or feeling right now. Selfish. It's the only word I can think of to describe ...

10 September 2014, 05:00 AM
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1 love: blaqkn8
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Exhaustion.

Finally after 3 long days of work I have a chance to redeem myself through my writing. Work has been miserable. Its like being stuck in prison. No windows, no talking, just the rustle of pages being turned for 13 hours. Needless to say I am EXHAUSTED. As far as home life goes its been oh so bittersweet. He hasn't changed but when he's asleep the things he says and does are too beautiful for any human to explain. Even if he's not dreaming of me the thought of his romance and company is so much...

08 September 2014, 04:22 PM
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2 loves: krim2k,saiyajinsrock
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Continuation of Day 1.

Well, just like I expected I'd be back on here before night fall. Finally got a chance to go see my nana. Gosh its been too long. Her warm hugs and the inviting smell of her home has been long past due. And the way back home...it was even better. For once no screaming kids. No bitchy husband. It was refreshing. I could drive as fast as I wanted without the risk of anyone there to stop me, or so I thought. Of course I had to get into a line of people who wanted to put my happiness and freedom ...

04 September 2014, 01:43 AM
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1 love: korikutheu
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Misery is my company

Day 1. Started this stupid blog, maybe it will help conceal my stupid thoughts because according to everyone I'm simply annoying. I'm done trying to talk to anyone. Every time I try it ends up into an argument and I'm just "bitching" I don't want friends anymore. I just want to crawl back into this hollow pit of a shell where I belong. I'm tired of being sad. It never ends. The medicine never fixes it. I guess I'll just go back to the quiet solitude of my own mind. Hopefully this whole blog...

03 September 2014, 05:58 PM
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1 love: korikutheu
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