Journal_pane_9655641387268772

The End.

I cut contact with him. Enough is enough. There has only been pain in this with very rare and brief moments of happiness. I don't want to talk to him. I don't trust him. I turned my phone off and put it in the drawer. I marked his email address so it goes in my spam folder, I blocked him on Skype. He has no way to contact me. I need a peace of mind. After 9 months of pure hell, it is time. I'm moving on. He is NOT my Prince Charming.

17 December 2013, 08:26 AM
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Journal_pane_9655641387258350

Are you kidding me?

Why is it everytime I decide to trust him and give him my all ..that he acts sketchy? This is REALLY starting to get old. Of course as soon as I decide that, he turns off his phone and he goes missing for the night. Every time he has gone missing like this, he's with a woman. I don't want to jump to conclusions but I have that feeling. So I give him all of me and he sleeps with another woman? :( Am I just prolonging the pain in my life? UGH I am so frustrated!!! I don't know what to do anymor...

17 December 2013, 05:32 AM
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Journal_pane_9655641387219798

Hope Springs

So I talked with C and told him that I didn't mean what I said, it was very childish and immature, which it was. So we communicated properly and talked things out. I figure, I give my all in everything..I'm not going to hold back with him anymore either. If it fails at least I'll know I tried my best. But if it succeeds well then it will all be worth it. He is still protecting himself but I think that will fade after I stop being so back and forth with everything. :) I can only hope.

16 December 2013, 06:50 PM
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Journal_pane_9655641387172973

To Love and Lose

I snapped today with C. Since he didn't respond in the way I wanted after I poured my heart out to him I just threw my hands in the air and said, "eff it ALL!" He sent me a message saying, "Having a fun day?" My response was, " No, I'm not, I'm in the worst mood ever. Not that you give a shit. I hate you. I'm never telling you my feelings ever again." Then I blocked him. It was a bit immature and on a whim for me to do but I am SO sick of this back and forth all the time. He sent me a snapcha...

16 December 2013, 05:49 AM
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Journal_pane_9655641387127529

Falling from cloud nine.

I am in the most rotten mood ever today. After I poured my feelings out to C, he basically just laughed at me. How could I be so stupid? Neither of us are ever lined up with the same feelings at the same time. It's either I'm hurt and running from him or he is. Soon as he's invested I don't want to be then when I become invested he doesn't want to be. This is driving me crazy and hurts me so bad. I hate him.

15 December 2013, 05:12 PM
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Journal_pane_9655641386960162

Love fails

Well C is really devastated that I told him we have no future. I just don't see any possible way. I'm not moving to England and leaving my son behind..and I know he won't move here so it dead ends. It's not in the cards for us. I need a peace of mind and certainty. A part of me still holds hope that there will be some way around it but I need to accept what is and move forward. I told him ,"How can you see me as a future wife when you can't even have me as a girlfriend?" That shut him up brie...

13 December 2013, 06:42 PM
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Journal_pane_9655641386904437

New Beginnings?

Today's the first day I haven't talked to C...where I haven't really wanted to talk to him. He's finally giving me room to breath and not bombarding me with messages. Our last conversation, he was just mean, and I'm realizing how much time I'm wasting on someone who refuses to commit to me. He doesn't love me like I love him and that's a problem. Yes, I'm the woman he cares most about but after going through all that we did, the memories still haunt me. I don't trust him nor believe what he's...

13 December 2013, 03:14 AM
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