in a time of chaos, despair and madness I think of you. You are my grounding thought. You center me, remind me to breathe and let me know it's fine. I don't speak to you but thinking about your happiness and how it's contagious gets me through these times.

19 October 2016, 03:02 AM
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Journal_pane_9560281473791210

i gave you up... i was told i should, so i tried it... but i go back a read... read the thousands of messages and weep for what we had... i'm told i shouldn't miss you but i can't help it... why do i do as im told? so maybe you will remember about this and see that i still think of you i was the one not good for you and was rude to you.. so if we don't talk i will accept that... because like most things I did it to myself i miss you and i love you and this is me sending you all my vi...

13 September 2016, 07:27 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281473790322

I have the words on the tip of my tongue but they refuse to fall out, they stay their holding each other back waiting for someone else to take the first swing. This life is a game of chicken, and I grew my feathers early. So here I am again, typing the wrong words to the story that still doesn't make sense. Desperately trying to be noticed but still nothing... nothing is how unique I've created myself to be nothing... nothing is how much worth I see in the mirror nothing... nothing is ho...

13 September 2016, 07:12 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281473790134

your eyes, realized, real lies

You asked me to write a poem about my identity and my diversity, and you missed the important parts. You didn't see how I shared every part of my soul without directly saying it. If you looked close enough it was there. I talked around what I wanted to say using large words and grand statements, but I can’t help how express my thoughts. I can be political, find a way to relate to all and have myself blend into the background. My identity was formed through never showing myself because standin...

13 September 2016, 07:09 PM
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my metaphor

Finding the words to express feeling, Starting with a blank page and slowly adding life. Lost within possible choices I drown in definition, A tree, flower, the writing of a book, each metaphor doesn’t compare. Choosing a definite metaphor to cement an ever-changing identity. Line after line the metaphor defines what cannot be verbalized, Unable to share thoughts, because I couldn’t form the words Working and reworking to find the perfect phrases, Including and excluding details, Telling a st...

13 September 2016, 07:04 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281434521255

the token straight friend

she called me the token straight friend. The one she gets to use when situations with boys come up. How do i tell someone... "ummm excuse me, best friend..." "actually Im not at all straight, I'm madly in love with your ex girlfriend" how do I tell someone I basically call a girl with a twin soul to mine, that I am so much in love with her ex, grey area.. kinda together, girlfriend... that it feels almost impossible... i want to because then relationship talks are so much less awkward, b...

17 June 2015, 07:07 AM
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Unique

You tell me things that I believe are unique to me. You talk about future stuff and how amazing some day will be. Then I listen and she gets the same promises. I shouldn't be jealous, because she had you first, but I am. I'm 100% jealous of the fact that she actually got to hold you and kiss you. I am jealous that she got the emotional connection I didn't. I'm so mad and jealous, but I shouldn't be. How can I give you all my love if I have to share yours? Is that too selfish?

15 June 2015, 02:02 AM
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Journal_pane_9560281427217221

the break

we wait patiently through second semester for the end of March when finally we can leave the cold, snowy, gloomy days of college to live it up for one week on the beach. As college students we brave through mountains of school work, never ending word counts and group projects we are sure are arranged by Satan himself. For the week we finally get away. we drive, fly, hell even walk, to paradise. A drunken paradise full of bad decisions, week long instant beach friends, and enough stories and m...

24 March 2015, 05:13 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281423098510

And suddenly...

...and suddenly everything is okay. I actually talked to you... We had real conversation. I feel like I have this weight taken of my shoulders... I thought you were drifting away, but now...well... :) How is it that in life we think everything is collapsing and nothing is going to be ok but in a single moment everything just feels... weightless? I can't seem to get this smile off my face and I can close my eyes again and see lovely thoughts! Life goes from never ending to seeing a light a...

05 February 2015, 01:08 AM
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Journal_pane_9560281422494686

But a thousand years isn't enough

I want your todays, your tomorrows, your weekday, ends and every other hour between now and forever, if you will give them to me. I want it all, but it doesn't seem like enough just to want it. I want so many things in life, happiness, love, and place to call home, but I don't see any of that without you. So could you do me a favor and come back? Come back from half way across the world. I miss you... so desperately. All I need, not want, this is a need now, is you. When I wake up every morni...

29 January 2015, 01:24 AM
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1 love: Panndie
1 comment: Panndie

I'm not happy

In life right now. The place I am at mentally and physically does not make me happy

26 January 2015, 06:30 AM
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Journal_pane_9560281418009769

The day I realized who I focus on when I enter a room, was also the day I accepted the fact that I do not love in the typical way. I don't look in a room and see a hot guy... I see all the beautiful women and how outstanding each and everyone one of them are

08 December 2014, 03:36 AM
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Journal_pane_9560281418009608

Screaming about you

I want to tweet about how I miss you. I want to talk to my best friends about how not having you around leaves a hole in my heart. I want to call my mom just talk about you. And I want to tell her about how hopeless sad I am that you aren't around. I just want to go to you for holiday, no forever. I have that drop everything feeling every time you seem upset. I want to be next to you when you are having a bad day. I want to be able to talk about you, but I can't. I was never yours so I can't ...

08 December 2014, 03:33 AM
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1 love: blaqkn8
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Journal_pane_9560281415917624

Crunch a bunch, a bunch

So I have this class and I am the dumbest person in the class everything that the teacher says goes over my head and I don't know what he is talking about. So I have this theory that everyone in the class is making fun of me in a language I don't understand. So yeah I hate this class. Like he just said crunch a bunch a bunch. Um what? On our last test I got a 19 out of 50. Yep. Go me!!! Also no numbers are ever involved its only letters and not just the alphabets letters but also Greek let...

13 November 2014, 10:27 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281415491062

you

all I want is you. That's all I think about. I just want to be able to wake up to your gorgeous smile, sit and have coffee with you until noon. I want to be able to say goodnight to you and I be laying next to you when I say it. I just want you nothing else. But the more I dream about you the further you seem to pull away. Please just be mine for a while?

08 November 2014, 11:57 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281414615869

a year

its been over a year since I've been on here, writing random thoughts, my feelings and my perceptions about life. It's time to reflect back. What have I learned? What has changed? Where am I year in the future? I have realized that who I love is not typical. I don't look at boys the same way as a I look at girls. My family isn't my main life focus. Though I still see them as a big part of my life and decision making process, they are not the first thought on my mind. I can see a future, t...

29 October 2014, 08:51 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281413745533

mandala

these beautiful creations capture me. I cannot get enough of them. I don't know if it's because of their symmetric, repeating patterns or the beautiful details in each layer, but looking at a mandala helps me get centered and calm down. There is beauty in mandala because at first you think its just chaos, but looking at it closer and with more time you see the intricate shapes. You need time to know me. I am not one of those people you can read like a book. You think you know by but even lo...

19 October 2014, 08:05 PM
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sometimes a cup of tea isn't enough

not all my problems can be solved by a warm cup of tea. I thought it might help but it doesn't.

19 October 2014, 07:46 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281413744282

numb... I am completely numb. My mind is numb and body is numb, and I think my soul is even numb. I don't feel like I fit anymore. Like there are all these boxes that I need to fill in for my future and none of them I can exactly be completely shaded black. I don't know if I chose the right path for my life right now. I am just so numb. I don't think about it anymore

19 October 2014, 07:44 PM
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Journal_pane_9560281413574512

im loosing you... we have stopped talking and i miss you... why have we stopped... my heart is breaking. i dont want to leave my room because im too sad you are gone

17 October 2014, 08:35 PM
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