Everything is getting better... point ,blank, period and school ends on Wednesday. Wish me luck on these lasts finals.

21 May 2014, 12:55 AM
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I'm kinda tired of looking like a jack ass... And you just don't seem to understand that. I see your full maturity of this situation because if you truthfully and honestly knew how I was feeling you would be willing to give me a break. I'm trying to do what's best for you and better for me. Majority of my friends.... No.... All of my friends don't like you. My family doesn't like you -even though they should be the last one making judgement. Point is you shouldn't want to be in a relationship...

10 May 2014, 07:41 AM
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I've finally came to realization that its okay to be alone as long as your in the room with yourself. Thank you for turning out to be like everyone else. It'll show who shines brighter.

17 April 2014, 01:19 PM
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Journal_pane_9749771396907208

I'm not myself...

I'm beginning to have bad thoughts. The thoughts that scare me to sleep at night. The one thing I hate about life is the how you never really know your purpose until the last minute... I remember asking one of my friends if he enjoyed his childhood and he slightly shrugged and said eh... then he asked me back and I said I truly don't think I'll enjoy my childhood until I'm old. I didn't think it would be this shitty... why is that someone elses situations have to affect mine. I'm not sexually...

07 April 2014, 10:46 PM
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yeah... no

You know how you just kinda feel like crap? Yeah well thats how school makes me feel. All the time. It makes me feel like i will never be successful or go where i wanna go bc its just a huge blockade. I look at other students and get jealous bc i feel like i will never be like them grade wise... but im not them and i cant expect to be like them. But... idk... im really tired of highschool. Im ready for new things. A new beginning . Highschool makes me feel shitty . :(

02 April 2014, 09:08 PM
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"Do you know how many years of your life you just took off from disrespecting me like that?!"

Its unfair to me... and to assume means to make an ass out of u and me. Not just me... nice try though. Oh and I still don't feel like my point has been let across.. You know I'm in highschool.. You know its my junior year. How much do you expect from me? I'm not breakin my back like I used to. I will always help you bc I was taught to. I will always support you bc I was taught to but that doesn't mean you take advantage of me and feel as though you can run over me. If I can do it so can the ...

23 March 2014, 06:24 PM
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Correr

So I used to do cross country but in the middle of the season I stopped because I started having stomach problems. I loved running. I still love running and I was so upset when I had to quit because of stomach issues that I still have yet to learn to control. But lately my boyfriend has been getting me back out there. Helping me run and stuff and get on a fitness workout. I looked up if running can help with stomach issues and Lord and behold... lol. But even though I was never good at runni...

13 March 2014, 10:52 PM
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We are prohibited. Any sight of us together and we are automatically shunned upon... We will never be respected or accepted for what we want... So we just won't do it. We will never be congratulated on what we wish could happen... So we'll just not celebrate... We will never be accepted. Since day one we found that out. We thought we could work through it... but we can't. I'm not one to benefit everyone else... but it has come to that point. I love you.. sooooooo much. I love you so much my h...

03 March 2014, 09:47 PM
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You Should Know Better

I hope you remember this account I made... I hope you accidentally come across the idea of wanting to read it.... I'm sorry if you truly felt I didn't love you... but you know there was always another way to tell me. It was just as much my fault as it was your own... I hate you know... But I will always love you. You were my first love and you will always be my deepest cut. We both deserve to be happy... but we will only both be happy when we come to an agreement stating that we know we're bo...

01 March 2014, 07:40 PM
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Proud of Myself

So last night was our pageant show and I am soooo proud of myself. I wasn't queened or anything and honestly I wasn't expecting that buuuuuuut I did win Mrs. Talent (: which was perfect because that was exactly my main focus. I learned that pageants aren't my thing... I would rather be on a runway than that. I also learned that I'm getting better with being in front of big crowds. I also learned how to branch out and meet new people with this experience. I'm glad I did it honestly. I'm just ...

23 February 2014, 12:22 PM
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I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this whole thing, ya know? Earlier today I squashed it and tried to move on from it, but now that I'm by myself and venting on here... you have completely made an ass out of you and me... I hate to put it like that but it seems to have led to that point. I can't keep looking out for you any more because now I'm looking out for myself.... I have a group of people secretly on my ass because you decided to assume... fuckin assume... I feel extre...

21 February 2014, 12:01 AM
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Worry much?

I worry too much... this i know for sure. I worry about life. I worry about death. I worry about the good. I worry about the bad. I worry too much. I need to stop bc what you constantly pump through your mind will eventually be sent through your body. I have anxiety so i know that can be one of the reasons why i worry so much but why should a teen (17) year old be so nervous to fall asleep or step out the house... i worry too much... this i know for sure.

17 February 2014, 02:34 AM
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Don't Fret Babygirl...

So... today just doesn't feel like my day. After last night w/ the whole situation I havent heard from I haven't heard from my boyfriend. I really wanna get out of the house today but of course there is some type of obstacle in the way which is always the same. I wish i had my own car. I wish i could just go somewhere and get out of this house instead of always laying down watching tv. Ugh. I need a life other than this shitty one.

25 January 2014, 05:52 PM
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"Get Your Head Out of Your Ass"

Why ask a question that you know you can't handle the answer to? I tried to warn you and tell you that the answer was not in your favor yet you still persisted for me to tell you and once I did your whole demeanor changed and you switched back into that person I cannot Fuckin' stand... Like damn... sooner or later you're gonna throw that shit into my face during an argument and then wish you could take it all back like you always do... It was last fuckin' Valentines Day. I'm celebrating with ...

25 January 2014, 12:27 AM
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headshots

Pageant workshop today with headshots... wish me luck (:

23 January 2014, 10:40 AM
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Beauty is Beauty

So... I was thinking and I remember one of my old friends telling me how she wishes she had the same body shape as me (which I am a mix of petite and athletic). She had a nice body, don't get me wrong, but I think she had this idea set that the society just wouldn't accept her b/c of how she was shaped... Now she wasn't the first to tell me such things. People think I have the shape of a model and they think just b/c I do I can get away with anything... but what they don't realize is that wit...

23 January 2014, 01:27 AM
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Irresponsible...

My mom set me up to do a pageant. I'm not gonna pretend like I was all interested because I wasn't. My mom wanted me to do it b/c she did it and won so I guess like mother like daughter. I'm super nervous about it b/c I feel very unprepared for it and I've never done something like this. I'm really not doing it to win either... Idk... whatever. But tomorrow I have to go to this work shop thing and well I'm kinda upset just a tad b/c my boyfriend left hickeys on my neck. I know you're probably...

22 January 2014, 11:34 PM
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Falling Backwords...

I have really bad stomach problems. It's a mix of gastritis (which is the swelling of the stomach lining) and IBS (doctors aren't too sure what causes it) and this morning I woke up with the worst stomach ache. Some times it can really ruin my days. I don't want to go out any where or I don't feel comfortable eating if I'm at someones house and I know that can make me look rude, but I don't mean to... I haven't completely found the remedy to the issue and the doctor would only fill me with me...

22 January 2014, 02:01 PM
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Temptations...

A females virginity was always one of the most important things in history. Men went to war for it and ladies were called out if they didn't have it, but in my generation it doesn't matter whether you have it or not. Some guys tell me I've proven my point and I can go a life time without spreading my legs to anyone, but that's not what I'm aiming for. I'm not trying to prove anything. I'm waiting for the right one and I'm starting to think I've found him, but on the other hand I'm scared of l...

22 January 2014, 12:24 AM
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School...

Today was a better day. It seems like ever since I started this blogging or diary thing weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I still may not have as much acceptance and now I'm not really looking for it anymore... I guess what I'm really trying to say is that... Eventually I will find my place somewhere and as of right now I'm starting to get comfortable with where I am at right now and I can stay this way until I graduate... I'd rather be alone and successful then crowded and unproductiv...

21 January 2014, 07:47 PM
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