Survival

There will be storms. Rain, thunder, lightening and wind. They will all collapse over you at once and make you see and feel nothing apart from darkness. But that lightening... it gives me hope. It gives me hope in the future. That light in darkness exists. No matter how bad the whether, no matter how bad the pain and feelings... there will always be light. Even just for split seconds... there is always a calm after that storm.. eventually. And that calmness of survival.. is what I am after. I...

16 November 2014, 02:11 AM
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Obsession turns to calmness

Anyhow..my obsession with him as slightly cured itself. I used to care ALOT more than I do now. I used to cry every time I used to feel like he was losing interest in me, I used to feel a very strong pain in my heart... my chest feeling like its being ripped open and my soul slowly being removed. Not anymore, I have learnt that I need to concentrate on myself. i can not let my happiness depend on other people who i can not even fully open up to yet or even trust certainly. Therefore, as a pie...

16 November 2014, 02:09 AM
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Well.. it's been a very long time since I have written on here. The same thing is happening, well not the same thing it's still the same.. continued feelings that I do not know how to control. I still love this guy, but I am afraid I just do not know if I can trust him.. and I do not know if he feels the way I feel about him about me. But I am tired of always being the one trying to talk about where I stand with him. I just do not know if he understands what my perspective is on what two peop...

16 November 2014, 02:05 AM
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Him.

Okay, so lately he's just being plain weird and odd like I don't even know anymore. One time he is all nice and loving and the next he is all weird and I don't even know if he wan't to speak to me anymore. I'm lost.

07 October 2014, 10:46 AM
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Judgmental people annoy me.

I thought it was all going well at the start. But now look at me, I'm sat here alone in the university library on my laptop just relaxing. I have my usual friends who I just don't see as fun because their so serious about everything and barely even go out to chill in the cafe but honestly I just cannot be bothered with them. I thought I was making lots of friends but I've just come to find that I don't like most the people on my course. The girls, they're all pretty stuck up. And now that its...

07 October 2014, 10:45 AM
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mini catch up!

Well well.. It's been a long time since I've posted and I think it's time for an update. I have started university and so far it has been okay. I've met some new lovely people yet the only downfall is that they are all a bit high schoolish and nerdy and don't really go out, but i've got a few more oppurtunities to meet more people so hopefully it will be okay then. The guy I have been posting about previously is now also a big part of my life, I really like him and he really likes me. He's be...

30 September 2014, 08:54 PM
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Silence can say a lot more than words.

And now it's time for my silence to scream. Let's see what you will do about it...

12 September 2014, 01:08 AM
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Why do we carry on loving someone that we know will hurt us? :/

12 September 2014, 12:31 AM
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The secret waterfall.

The droplets roll down my pale cheeks. My eyes closed tightly to try hold in the pain. Holding in the waterfall, no one enjoys a flood. My hands scrunched up into fists, holding onto nothing but my own hands to feel some kind of presence. My fingernails digging deeper into my palm, giving me a rush through my shaking body. Deep, fast but slow breaths. I need to keep going. I need to stay strong. I open up my eyes and see nothing but obstacles in front of me. Blocking me from being happy. Hurd...

11 September 2014, 11:43 PM
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Shopping replaces feelings.

Confused. My mind is so confused I no longer know what I am confused about. The confusion has dazzled me. It has dazzled me to think that there is nothing left for me in life to do. I feel like I am alone and that nobody around me hears me silently screaming for help. The scars on my wrists covered by the sleeves of tops that I buy through therapy shopping to make me feel like there is something new in life. Oh 'typical girl' shopping makes her feel better...but can you blame me? The purpose ...

11 September 2014, 12:59 PM
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I tried, I cared, I tried to make you happy, I tried to always be there for you, I tried to spend a lot time with you because I liked it and I thought you did too, I tried to listen to you when you needed someone to talk to you, I tried to be your everything and I thought you wanted me too because of the way you treated me. But I guess I was wrong, giving somebody your time and attention is probably one of the best things you can do. But you've slowly cut me off now that you're back on your f...

10 September 2014, 11:11 AM
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Attachment.

Attachment. Attached like the skin to your fragile body. Your love covers me like my skin covers my body but every now and then you rip it, you tear it apart and make me bleed. You make me bleed my heart out. I lay here in agony my heart beating fast while a part of you distances yourself, the ripped skin left on the floor, next to me, close but far, that's you. The plaster that is placed upon me, is the barrier that keeps us apart. I wonder if we will heal and how long it will take? I wonder...

08 September 2014, 11:30 PM
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Awkward.

Awkward moment at work. It was my first day at the tills, I was dealing with it all okay. Until this one customer came along, and he paid, I completed his transaction and completely forgot to give his change! I closed the till and I was stood there lost, and asked 'is that everything' and he replied to 'I would like my change back please' ... I felt so stupid. Such a simple mistake I didn't even take notice off! That is one of the main things, I had to ask my colleague to help me open up the ...

07 September 2014, 10:42 PM
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Goodbyes.

Once again, they had the capability to make me feel like a idiotic fool. And now I think it is time for me to say goodbye... goodbye to the ones that I loved and I thought were always going to be there. But it's all just gone now. It hurts so bad, and the tears don't stop but it has to be done. I can't keep feeling like this because sooner or later I'll end up feeling nothing at all. I guess this is my goodbye to all the ones I thought that cared about me... Alone. Once again. Here I am. C...

05 September 2014, 11:29 PM
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options?

It's scary how you can make me or break me. Which one will you choose?

04 September 2014, 12:42 AM
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YOU.

You are my new story. My new chapter in life. And you, you are the story that I never want to end. We may have started our story differently and the middle might slightly be different but I want you to be part of my middle, and be my end. I want you. I just want you to be mine. I want you to look into my worried eyes, tell me it's okay. Hug it all out with me. Show me you only care about me, you only want me, that I am you're one and only. I want to be your story that you tell everyone about....

03 September 2014, 10:02 PM
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Stupid words said by him. typical.

How can you flipping say I have been acting distant ever since you stopped talking to me properly? well what do you think Sherlock. Of course I'm not gonna bother if you're not gonna bother talking to me properly. What in the world is this guy thinking? thinking he has the right to say that. It's like he is shifting the blame on me! HE is the one who stopped replying much and talking, I was always here and ready to spend time and whatever with him. So don't ever say I've been distant. Ruined ...

31 August 2014, 12:20 AM
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8:04am

8:04am, time to hop off and get ready to release my stress, anger, pain and frustration at the gym!

30 August 2014, 08:04 AM
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Swings.

Why do most guys treat girls like an empty swing in the park that every now and then gets the joy of a kid having the time of his life swinging away. Back and fourth. They act so inconsiderate. Why can't they just be normal and simple? I previously talked about this guy in my last few posts, well he messaged me this morning around 4am saying he is sorry and that he hasn't given me the time I deserve and how he would love to meet up tomorrow (I'm working though, kinda glad because he makes me ...

30 August 2014, 07:20 AM
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Away from love life.

Well apart from this confused I don't even know what 'true love' is and if that shit even exists, I'm joining the gym again tomorrow yey. Simply to just keep fit and healthy, decided I need to drink more water too! And not long since university starts, 15th September to study Law for me, you know what that means... SHOPPING! going shopping on Monday with my friend who I have known for 2 years. I hope I find all the things I need. Bag, shoes, clothes, I want it all! Haha, too bad don't have th...

29 August 2014, 10:57 PM
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